Immigrants

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Immigrants are people who leave one country, usually because it is an absolute shithole, and travel to another country to live. Ironically, in many cases the immigrants' country of origin actually became a shithole in the first place because it was itself innundated with immigrants.

Usually, immigrants are brown in colour. However, recently (and particularly in Britain) we have seen the advent of the stealth immigrant. Stealth immigrants originate from countries such as Poland and are white in colour, and have appeared on the scene as a result of recent European legislation which frees up limitations on what colour people can be imported into member states. For example, until this legislation was passed only brown immigrants could be imported into Britain.

Academic studies indicate that immigrants do provide positive benefits to society. For example, native citizens no longer need to clean public toilets or prostitute themselves in brothels.

[edit] Types of immigrants

Immigrants come in many shapes, sizes, colours and odours.

[edit] Brown

A British special government agency, Anti Rucksack Security Enforcers or ARSE, was founded to protect citizens from exploding brown people.

Brown immigrants originate from ex-British colonies on the sub-continent and usually smell of curry. They live in dwellings called corner shops and survive by selling stale produce at vastly inflated prices to the native population.

Many brown immigrants are Muslims. This sub-species of immigrant often have a hump which is called a rucksack. This rucksack often explodes when exposed to sunlight. Or public transport.

Black immigrants are a mainstay of modern society. In many walks of life they are promoted beyond their means or ability simply because of their skin colour. This serves an important purpose because it means that the non-immigrant population has to do so much better than their immigrant colleagues, in order to stand a chance of progressing in life. Thus people are encouraged to excel far beyond what would be the case if these immigrants were not present.

Black immigrants have many hobbies and activities; these include:

• mugging old ladies
• shouting obscenities into a microphone (this is known as rap music)
• 419 scamming
• refusing to queue for trains, tubes, buses, etc
• refusing to pay for trains, tubes, buses, etc
• Playing the racist card; this is a card game where if a player shouts "you're a racist" at an opponent, they automatically win the game
• stabbing each other
• shooting each other
• benefit fraud

[edit] Yellow

Unlike other forms of immigrants, yellow immigrants have little impact on the environment, apart from generating large amounts of waste product. This waste product is known as chicken chow mein. However, this is prized in many countries around the world and these immigrants are able to subsidise their stay in another country by selling this waste product to the locals.

Yellow immigrants are notoriously good at mathematics. In their spare time they enjoy calculating the value of pi up to a gargantillion decimal places.

[edit] White

There are many, many different types of white immigrants and it would be impossible to list them all here. The below is just to give you a flavour (although you may wish to wash your mouth out afterwards to get rid of the taste):

[edit] Eastern Europeans

Eastern Europeans are an example of the stealth immigrant recently introduced into EU law. Each member state who signed the Stealth Immigrant Charter has to take a proportion of the available immigrant population according to how long the name of their country is:

• Germany: 7%
• France: 6%
• Spain: 5%
• Portugal: 8%
• Italy: 5%
• Greece: 6%
• Luxembourg: 10%
• Malta: 5%
• The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: 48%
• Storfors,Värmland,Sweden: 30%

The Eastern European for the phrase, "I do not understand" is "yes". Therefore it is very important to ensure that you are understood when speaking to them in order to avoid confusion. English should be spoken... slowly... with... pauses... after... each... word. (See William Shatner.) Otherwise, even if the question was "can I do your mother up the wrong 'un", the answer will always be "yes".

Contrary to popular belief, Eastern Europeans are actually very good for the British economy. Every piece of construction work they do collapses approximately six months later. British workers can then come in and charge 3 times as much to repair the damage. They have also created huge numbers of job opportunities for British workers in other fields; for example, any British plumbers who are struggling for work can now readily find employment in Poland.

[edit] Praca w Anglii

Praca w Anglii to najlepszy sposób na pewną pracę w Wielkiej Brytanii. Bezpieczny i pewny wyjazd, szkolenie językowe oraz praktyka, za którą otrzymuje się pełne wynagrodzenie, to gwarancja dobrze rozpoczętej kariery zawodowej w Wielkiej Brytanii. Call 07700 901337.

[edit] Australians/New Zealanders/South Africans

Female immigrants from New Zealand are renowned in the UK for their beauty.

Despite their protestations to the contrary, these are in fact all from the same country, as is evidenced by the manner in which they flock together to insult British sporting teams. There are some regional differences, however:

• Australian males are all exclusively called Bruce. Females are all called Sheila.
• South Africans hate kaffirs. Kaffirs is Afrikaans for "coffee"; South Africans prefer tea.
• New Zealanders are very partial to lamb, although have curious food preparation habits. It is unclear how shoving your cock up a sheep's arse improves the eventual taste of the meat, although this practice is not exclusive to them, being also conducted by the Welsh.
• New Zealanders all look like Jonah Lomu. Even the women. In fact, particularly the women.

Australian/NZ/SA immigrants all work in bars and are incapable of any other work. The recent changes to licensing laws in the UK which allowed pubs to stay open longer were introduced solely so that there were enough hours in the day to ensure that the 47 quadrillion immigrants were all able to pull at least one pint each.

[edit] Others

A lot of immigrants make no attempt to learn the language, complain about the indigenous way of life, avail themselves greedily of free health care, only eat food they would expect to have in their own country of origin, and rigidly stick to themselves (in enclaves of their own people making no attempt whatsoever to integrate into the society that they have joined). These people are known as British and have moved to Spain or Portugal, where they assist to make up these countries' stealth immigrant quota.

[edit] Blue

The small community known as smurfs are on the increase in Britain, They usually come by parachute and land in your shed. If you see a smurf you should not approach them as they are very dangerous and always carry an oversized donkey foot.

[edit] Advocates of immigrants

[edit] Ken Livingstone

London Mayor Ken Livingstone claims that immigrants are what makes London the multi-culturalist utopia it is today. He also says that the sky is green, up is down and that charging people to move their car three feet from one parking space to another is not morally bankrupt. Livingstone's views on immigration are based mainly on the fact that immigrants are the only people dumb enough to vote for him. That, and the oft-noted fact that he is a complete cunt.