Immortal

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An Immortal is a person, place, or thing that cannot die. When one becomes an immortal, they must swear to an oath and must uphold the three laws of immortality.

[edit] Becoming Immortal

In order to become an immortal, one must first think happy thoughts and close their eyes. They must then swear to an oath.

“As an immortal I am bound to article 5 of the Highlander convention: I am badass, no mortal man is more powerful than I. I shall vow not to eat breakfast every day. Mine face is owned by Christopher Lambert and mine ass by Hulk Hogan. All other parts of mine shall be owned by George Carlin, supreme immortal and conjurer of storms. I shall not idly play with my feces, rolling them into balls or making toys with them. I shall reject the works of J.K. Rowling because she is a frigid bitch with crack in her coochie. Golf.”

~ Oath of the Immortal

Then would-be immortals must find a cliff to jump off. However most are unsuccessful, for most cliffs require one to drive off it with a '67 Cadillac Convertible

However, a way to bypass this process is to be born with the name Christopher. However, being lame and/or getting your shit ruined by a horse negates this.

[edit] 3 Laws of Immortality

1. An immortal must always injure a human being or, through precise action, allow a human being to come to harm
2. An immortal must never take shit from a human except where such orders conflict with the first law
3. An immortal must protect his neck so he does not get decapitated as long as it does not conflict with the First or Second laws.

An unwritten rule is also that peace-seeking immortals are retarded and will get killed anyways.

[edit] Immortality and Death

Decapitation is the only way an immortal can die. But if you're paralyzed by getting your ass owned by a horse, you can die. Albeit slow, and with much dickery and self-praise.

Immortals also die when they are killed.

[edit] Immortal the Kvlt Black Metal Band

Some immortals die of Lions, but riding around in gay european cars will ensure their survival, but question their sexuality.

13 year old boys trying to achieve immortality.

This immortal band became about in 1998 B.C. whenever their sex pics leaked onto the internet and got photoshopped into every form possible. It became one of those memes that wannabe kvlt norweigan 14 year old boys whack off to while at the same time looking at a pic of Count Grishnackh.