In Flames
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The In Flames are a civilization of anal-probe supplying aliens that currently inhabits the earth. Little has been mentioned in the media concerning In Flames for a number of reasons.
First off, they look and act exactly as regular humans do, making it rather difficult to distinguish between them. Secondly, many laws have been passed in most countries that forbid segregation or bringing unwanted attention to any In Flames that does not wish to be noticed as being alien.
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[edit] Alien Life
A number one concern with most people is the very fact that In Flames are aliens. As if that is not enough, they walk and interact with humans as if nothing is different. One man once said, "If any In Flames sleep with my daughter, I'll shoot her in the face for fucking an alien." Most people feel that same sort of prejudice against In Flames.
Others, however, fervently study the exact genetic and physical differences between In Flames and regular human beings. So far, the only major physical difference is that male In Flames have smaller than average (compared to humans) penises. The average penis size of In Flames is 9cm. This is embarrassing for a human, but most In Flames tend to love their small penises so much that they play with them everyday.
However, certain scientists claim to have discovered that, genetically, the differences are astoundingly different. They say that the In Flames genome is almost a complete reversal of human genetics. What strikes these scientists, however, is that In Flames and humans can reproduce without producing sterile offspring. In fact, In Flame-human hybrids are genetically predisposed to being even more fertile than regular humans or In Flames. This means that the average male hybrid produces three times as much sperm while the average female hybrid drops twice as many eggs in each menstrual cycle. The downside of female hybrids, though, is that the PMS resulting from menstruation easily leads them to very violent acts such as murder and shoplifting.
[edit] History
According to various estoric sources, In Flames started out as a collabaration of a Lunar Strain of Nordics which co-mingled with a species of Mexican, in the Subterannean continent of Melodeath under a glacier in Sweden. These two species rapidly produced hybrid offspring known as the Jester Race. There have been rare sighting of these creatures which are said to resemble Court Jester's, including an incident in Japan known as the Tokyo Showdown. Coming in contact with these creatures can be fatal if one does not arm themselves with special fire resistant armor made from Swedish metal. Without the Swedish Metal armour, a normal human will immediately burst into flames, left with the appearance of a Clayman. Fearing persecution, the Jester Colony had to Reroute to Remain, as informed to them by the Whoracle, this exodus of Jesters was recorded along with a Soundtrack to their Escape. These three races (Nordics, Mexicans and Jesters) eventually made a treaty and combined to form the In Flames, and set about their mission to kill humans.
Over time, In Flames lost their appetite for searing human flesh and entered into legal and political science fields of study. One famous family of In Flames, the Kennedies, has produced many famous politicians.
However, this should be taken as total nonsense, and the In Flames are almost certainly just a group of normal Nordics posing as an odd alien race.
[edit] Where They Are Today
Today, descendants of the original breed of In Flames can be seen just about anywhere. They are often seen at local shopping malls, arguing in arcades over various issues with Pinball Maps. One predominant In Flame is said to be preparing to run for future office as President of the United States. Rumours abound, but little proof has risen concerning the issue.
[edit] In Flames in Popular Culture
A group of 5 Swedish In Flames started a band, and named it after their species. They are often seen setting the audience on fire, which happens to be the only time murder is legal. It is rumored that the original plan to Destroy all Humans has been revived because of this, and that the rest of the In Flames will soon drive the Earth into the sun. That is, unless action is taken now to cover the planet in Swedish Metal...the metallic kind, which will cause suffocation anyway...
