Industrial music

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“Music, my arse.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Industrial Music

“Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline!”

~ Genesis P. Orridge on Industrial Music

“Developers, Developers, Developers!”

~ Steve Ballmer on Industrial Music

“Education, Education, Education”

~ Tony Blair on Industrial Music

1 What?
2 Origins
3 Lyrical Content
4 Fans
5 Instruments
6 List of Somewhat Well-Known Industrial Bands

[edit] What?

Industrial music is a fusion of contemporary jazz and throwing chainsaws into electric blenders made to kill bourgeoisie and trendy know-it-all Ravers. Industrial music started in the late-1970s as a tribute to legendary bands such as ABBA, The Bee-Gees, and the married couple Donny & Marie Osmond. Live shows usually consisted of smearing feces on the pictures of established political figures and hugging puppies. Since then, industrial music has gone mainstream with the Rockabilly band Static-X and operaquartet Linkin Park

[edit] Origins

In its beginnings, Industrial music was initially viewed as an excuse for people with high-paying geek techie jobs to fool around with electronics without being fired. Eventually, the "art form" was accepted in Great Britain, along with kitten huffing and Goatse viewing. Although Lesser Britain, being the stuck-up assholes they are, banned it from their sucky country. In 1973, the first band of the genre known as Throbbing Gristle was formed at a local schnitzel stand outside Buckhingham Palace. Their first album, The Second Wiener Report was a major critical success.

Genesis P. Orridge, the head of Throbbing Gristle

Considering how unimpressive the technology was in the late 1970's, the head of Throbbing Gristle, Genesis Porridge, built a time machine to go into the future and retrieve snacks. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with the "origins" of Industrial Music, so thanks for reading you douchebag.

Other groups of the genre started popping up, starting with KMFDM (which stands for 'Kill Motherfucking Depeche Mode') and Current 93 (who hasn't recorded an album since 1993). As more artists started becoming well known, the first Industrial Music convention was held in a rave club at an undisclosed location somewhere in Little Rock, Arkansas. Surprisingly George Clinton attended the rave after axe murdering Bill Clinton.

[edit] Lyrical Content

The majority of songs lacks of lyrical content, and diminishes it's music to a sequence of sounds such as groans or flatulences. Nevertheless some modern industrial songs contain lyrics about the merging of humans, machinery, and malginant sausages. Sample titles of songs include: "Hot-Dog Kiss '65" by White Zombie, "I Suck Donkey Dick" by Limp Bizkit, and "Smearing Hope on my Face" by Skinny Puppy. Although many mainstream industrial lyrics are formulaic in nature, this kind of mediocrity is often celebrated in the music world. Some industrial fans even cite songs as using words from the books and essays of Nietzsche and Karl Marx, but this preposterous, as Britney Spears is the only musical artist that was given permission to do this by the authors themselves. Her saying on the matter: "Suck it bitches!"

[edit] Fans

The fans of industrial music are a weird bunch. Not like the Brady Bunch, mind you, but the Buncha Crunch candy you get at theater concessions. They are stout and confident in their natural habitat, often twirling their long spiked hair that's buried under seven layers of gel and mousse.

Industrial mosh pits are often frowned upon in sub-urban neighborhoods, as nu-metalists consider them too "poser-ish". Make note that they most likely make that judgement whilst sucking on a pacifier and blasting Slipknot on their headphones.

They also make industrial fans smile, too.

[edit] Instruments

The essence of Industrial music is "rebellion." One must find a harsher, more disturbing, more shocking, or otherwise controversial way of expressing onself. This is achieved through a variety of means.

The instruments that Industrial bands use to record new albums include (but not limited to): human sounds, printers, dirty daipers, Hallmark cards, heavy-duty sanders, lathes, Whitney Houston cassettes, day glow speedos, E-flat trombones, laptop computers, stamps, lightbulbs, paper, turtles, children's toes, feces, hammers, Chu-Chu Rocket game discs, Ronald McDonald's nonexistent molars, the screams of little children, drug needles, the Moog, the Juno 666, penis-shaped Stratocasters, and pretty much anything else that could be found in the run-down inner cities of Socialist East Germany when you were growing up and dreaming of those symbols of Western decadence.