Infinity
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“Infinity, yeah, thats how many times I did your mom”
~ Oscar Wilde on Infinity
“In Soviet Russia, infinity approaches YOU!!”
~ Soviet Russia on Infinity
“I hate Numbers.”
~ Beavis on Infinity
“It goes on forever.”
~ Captain Obvious on Infinity
“Infinity?! thats too many for an article!”
~ UnJohn on Infinity
“FUCKING PRICK I WAS THE BIGGEST NUMBER UNTIL HE SHOWED UP!”
~ googolplex on infinity
The number infinity can be thought of as a sorta large number, like a million, only to the millionth power, and then some more. It took almost infinitely many years of human day-dreaming for the concept of infinity to reach maturity, but then no one can really imagine exactly how much larger than the largest number you can think of is, or how much smaller than the smallest number you can think of its identical (but evil) twin negative infinity is.
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[edit] Infinity: The Early Years
In the beginning there was n. n was an element of N. This first natural number found himself constrained by the rules imposed on him by the first mathematictian, Urahg Ahagh!. Ahagh! discovered that objects in his world could be assigned what he would call Ooh, which would eventually evolve into the term we today use, numbers. His first discoveries were these:
- If something exists, it has a number x.
- When something exists, x >= 1
- When x something exists, and y something else exists, they have a new number z = x + y.
- When x something exists, and you kill 1 something, the new number z = x-1.
Ahagh! began to sum a large number of x's, but when he reached the number 19 he started doodling himself shooting an antelope and never returned to his problem again.
[edit] Infinity: In Ancient Greece
“Infinity? Shit, I don't know”
~ Socrates on Infinity
While Pythagoras was discovering the length of the sides of his club sandwiches, a less famous mathematician was working on his grounding breaking work on infinity. Socrates, best known for his shadow puppets, was using his discovery of infinity to prove that it is possible to win any argument on any subject despite not being an expect on the said subject just by repeating your opponents points in question form back to them. It was while talking to himself in the shower that Socrates became the first man to question the idea of infinity. The unknown philosopher passed his teaching down to Plato, the boy who had Socrates as an imaginary friend, where it would be lost to the sands of time for centuries. Despite his aknoledgment of ignorance on the topic of infinity, on being asked how much he hated Sparta, he responded "uh, times like, infinity!" Aristotle's column in Popular Mechanics, which was called "Fuck You, Socrates" admitted that Infinity did exist, but, along with frogs, was left from getting an entry into Encyclopedia Greekanica because infinity can breathe both air and water, and grows from mud.
[edit] Infinity: In Magic
Several weeks from now, an evil magician, Dr. Fibonacci was working on his favorite spell, the fibonacci sequence. The fibonacci sequence is one of the most powerful spells known to mathmagicians the world over. Unfortunately, the only effects of the spell are to make the magician look like a nerd, and prevent them from finding a copulate partner. The spell worked like this.
- I am lonely x 1
- I am lonely x 1
- I am lonely x 2
- I am lonely x 3
- I am lonely x 5
- I am lonely x 8
- I am lonely x 13
Eventually, the spell works to
- I am lonely x a sideways 8
- I am lonely x a sideways 8 ^ another sideways 8
(The character "^" is a term used in magic to define the type of motor being used.)
- I am lonely x a sideways 8 ^ another sideways 8 x some other shit
And henceforth, the more time spent on this spell, the more powerful its effects become, until reaching infinity, and farther.
[edit] Infinity: The War
During the colonial period, when the Infinity Empire was in its expansionist years, it clashed with the empire of Negativeinfinity. Both armies deployed columns of loyal numbers, with the ones farthest away from their respected leader at the front. The two forces met at ground zero, where there is now a monument on the number line, represented by a "0," or "zero" marker (taken from the 14th letter of the 1337 41f4637.) There is much dispute over the length of the war. Euclidean historians believe that since the war began at zero, therefore the war lasted for ever. Non-Euclidean historians believe that the war began with Emporer Infinity and Emporer Negativeinfinity and ended at zero. Therefore the war lasted for never. However, seeing how the disciplines of military history are still actively and fervently disputing the topic, the war is still going on.
[edit] Some Infinity Quick Facts
- Cattle ranchers in the Amazon cut down infinity trees a day
- Cattle ranchers in the Wild West shot infinity buffalo a day
- Cattle ranchers sued Oprah for infinity dollars
- Oprah consumes a diet of infinity calories a day
- Oscar Wilde will have infinity quotes on any prestigious website
- Infinity is how many monkeys it takes to type "Shakespeare." Not anything he wrote, just his name.
- There are infinite noobs on the internet, all spawning from the womb of Master Chief.
- Infinity and the number two have never actually been seen in the same sentence before, leading to speculation that they may in fact be the same person. The last sentence is the only known exception of this.
- Click on this to find infinity:Infinity Page
