Ingmar Bergman
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“I can't even jack-off to this.”
~ Michelangelo Antonioni on Ingmar Bergman
“Thanks for granting me my debut, O Norse god of moving pictures.”
~ Peter North on Ingmar Bergman
Contents |
[edit] Life
Angst Ingmar Bergman (juli 14, 1918 – juli 30, 2007) was the child of Eric “Manly” Olaf, a protestant priest, and Ingrid “Bergman” Olaf. He grew up surrounded by religious imagery and right-wing conversations between his father and his father's close friend, the deceased Toby Amos, whose behaviour was considered by young Ingmar as very “intimate towards my father and irritating for my mother”. His mother, infatuated with Olaf’s intimacies, would regularly lock Olaf up in a closet, an action which castrated young Ingmar and made him think about the existence of God and the reason of his life. In the meanwhile, he became more and more interested in his mother, who was for him a symbol of power and protection. There are reports of a highly unresolved Oedipal complex, which is said to be subtly presented in his marvelous 1953 film “I wanted to have sex with my mother”.
Bergman's interest in theatre and film began early:
- "At the age of 9, this homosexual person was already too separated from the word of God and the protection of his father. It could be said that all the American values his ancestors had held and passed on to their children for hundreds of years were not manifested to this young freak any more. Indeed, terrified, the neighbors could see that he was turning into an artist."[1]
During his early life, Bergman was never seen to kiss any man or his mother, even though not many people can confirm that. However, reliable sources that chose to be kept anonymous say that when he was alone with his mother in the bedroom and nobody could see them, his mother would “kiss his forehead and stay there until he slept”, thinking that young Ingmar was “so much better than his father” and experiencing “inner conflicts between [her] love for [her] son and the social demands that asked from a mother to have sexual relationships with [her] husband alone”.
His relationship with his mother is described in great detail in his book “How Many”:
- "She was very domineering indeed; I was never allowed to play with other boys girls, because of her fears that my father may become too friendly with either my friends or their fathers, and this seemed to distress her. This made me wonder about the existence of God and the reason of my life."[2]
In 1943, Ingmar Bergman married his first mother… errr, wife, who went by the name Else Fisher. This made him wonder about the existence of God and the reason of his life. Later on, he found true love in the face of his wife Ingrid von Rosen, also cited as Ingrid Bergman. In a press release he said:
- "I know I have found true love in my mother... errr, wife, and now I can eventually concentrate on wondering about the existence of God and the reason of my life"[3]
It has been reported that his existential problems were fueled by the presence of his friend, the ghost of long-dead Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe. Bergman writes that until the moment he died, and even after this very important for his life event, he could not believe in life after death. Indeed, he though that Tycho Brahe was an imaginary friend. It is believed that they had long conversations about why Sweden is better than Denmark. Occasionally, the ghost of Henrik Ibsen will drop by and kick both their asses, thus asserting that Norway is the supreme Nordic nation, at least when it comes to ass kicking.
[edit] Films
It has been suggested that Ingmar Bergman is responsible for making 32 movies, of which 13 were banned after production due to cases of acute clinical depression upon their production. All his movies are designed to make you hate life and your parents, and wish you were never born.
His most famous film is The Seventh Seal about a baby seal that sees the other six members of his family clubbed to death. He tries to run away but ends up as a fur coat for that bitch from the Upper East Side that stole my cab. There is also a subplot about a medieval knight who plays rock, paper, scissors with the Grim Reaper, as well as a scene in which a bunch of dirty hippies slap themselves silly with Polly-O string cheese until they bleed. This scene has nothing to do with anything in the movie, it's just in there because it's depressing.
Another notable film of his is Persona. In this movie two women that go down a mine and dance about are the central plot, while their lesbian activities have drawn the attention of many a supporter of European cinema and not only.
[edit] Influence
Ingmar Bergman is considered one of the most influential filmmakers of the past 250 years. He is often ranked alongside Akira Kurosawa (founder of Sony and inventor of the sub-sub-sub-compact car) and Federico Fellini (official Vatican architect of Pope Gregory IXth) in importance. Many contemporary filmmakers (such as Martin Scorsese and Steven Spielberg) consider him a master of the art, and make human sacrifices to him regularly. His taste for manflesh is legendary, and he is often cited as being the inspiration for the villain in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
It is well-known that Bergman considered Michelangelo Antonioni to be his nemesis, however Antonioni was indifferent due to his neverending feud with Nikola Tesla. Eventually, upon Antonioni's death just a few hours after Bergman's, Bergman is known to have exclamed "fårøslagsbröbrtälje" in frustration, and he wondered about God's existence and the reason of his life [sic].
[edit] Death and Zombification
In late July 2007, a reliable news site reported about a brain eating incident that started rumors about Bergman's possible state of undeath in Swedish tabloid newspapers.
[edit] Legacy
Along with Tom Waits, Ingmar Berman has been named the most dangerous natural enemy of red wine and happiness.
Categories: Directors | Film | Zombies
