Fucking
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“I wouldn't fuck you if you were on fire!”
~ Nor on top
“Such a lovely place to be.”
~ Oscar Wilde on fucking
Fucking is a small settlement (population c. 4-three Mexicans and a chihuahua), named after the medieval scholar Henrich Fucking. The village of Fucking, as opposed to the act thereof, has held its name since at least 1070. Other than its name, the village is pretty fucking unremarkable. What follows is an attempt to make it sound interesting.
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[edit] The Fucking sign getting stolen
Fucking's most famous feature is a traffic sign with the town's name, beside which many English-speaking tourists often have their photographs taken. It is often stolen by fuckheads from English-speaking countries, and significant public funds are spent on replacing stolen signs. In a fiscal report of 2003 (the last year for which figures are available), the town made €32,980 in photo fees - remarkable because the town only charges €2.00 per photo. However, the town spent €48,250 to replace stolen Fucking signs. A campaign, "Fuck off, English dickheads", failed to address the problem.
In 2004, because of the theft and the embarrassment over the name, a vote was held on changing the name, but the town's residents voted against this. This vote was inappropriately reported in an English tabloid as "Austrians vote to keep Fucking."
[edit] Fucking - fun for the whole family
Fucking hell, there's a fucking place called Fucking, what the fuck? Hans Fuckface, a long-time resident of Fucking, and a devil in the sack, reports:
- We had a vote last year on whether to rename the town, but decided to keep it as it fucking well is. After all, Fucking has existed for 800 years, and the other kind of fucking (as in sex, you dick head) has existed for longer. You fucking English people like a joke, no? well fuck you!
More fucking philosophically, he muses like the fuck that he is:
- Fucking has been here for so long that it would be a shame to consign it to the past. The popularity of Fucking has often left Fucking shopkeepers in an embarrassing position: 'Yet still there is this obsession with Fucking. Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no Fucking postcards.'
Fucking guide Andreas Behmuller said that each nationality had its own priority when visiting Austria.
- The fucking Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg. Fucking Italians and Russians always celebrate a Fucking New Year here. Every American seems to care only about The Fucking Sound of Music (filmed around Salzburg in 1965). The occasional Japanese piece of shit wants to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau, which is a Fucking piece of shit, by the way !. But for the British, it's all about Fucking, just like ya mum.
[edit] Fucking Administration
On the theft of the Fucking sign, the Fucking Mayor says:
- What they are, I am not at liberty to disclose, but we will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed. It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile.
As an example, he points to the article on Uncyclopedia. Recently several residents have taken issue with the administration. One resident reports:
- I've had enough of the administration. It's rife with corruption and debauchery; it's fucking useless.
Sex scandals have undermined the administration's attempts at presenting a clean image.
[edit] World class Fucking
More Fucking interesting facts about Fucking:
- Fucking was recently voted as the world's most livable town - by university students.
- The German town Petting is about an hour away. You should go there first.
- Sucking is the next best thing to Fucking.
- Fucking has a sister city, which is called Effingham, Illinois. The town is also known as Fuckingham.
[edit] To find out more about Fucking....
The Village of Fucking <http://www.fucking.at/fucking/eOrt1.htm>
