Iran
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| Motto: For Shah and Country | |||||
| Anthem: Jingle Bells | |||||
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| Capital | Los Angeles | ||||
| Largest city | theyRan | ||||
| Official languages | Norse | ||||
| Government | Anti-Arabic Republic of Anti-Jew | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Xerxes,George Bush,Jesus | ||||
| Declaration | |||||
| Currency | Oil (ريال) | ||||
| Religion | Christian (21%), Hindus (10.02%), Jewish (deceased), Muslim (ERROR), Zoroastrian (18%) Bahai (officialy nonexistant) | ||||
| Major exports | Persian rugs, Oil, Ak-47, Explosions, Prince of Persia the game (gamecube only), International Students, and Jewish corpses. | ||||
| Major imports | Uranium from Russia, conventional weapons from the United States, iPods, iPhones | ||||
“I'm not a fucking Arab like your cousins you Jew”
~ Iranians in general
“Is it too late to blame the Jews?”
~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on any problem in Iran
“Is it ever too late to blame the Jews?”
~ Common historical opinion / second part of above phrase, usually shouted by the masses.
“HOMOSEXUALS? We don't need no stinkin' homosexuals!”
~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Homosexuals
“I hear it's lovely this time of war”
~ Oscar Wilde on Iran
“Im bored of iRak, I want the new iRan!!”
~ George W. Bush on on Iran
The Free Secular Democratic People's Republic of Iran
Iran is the superset of the superpowers in the world, or so claims their president. Everyone else would like to know where to get crack as good as the shit Mr. Ahmanineenaenajaadd[sic] got. If the United States of America runs out of people to blow up, Iran is next on the list.
Contents |
[edit] Facts and Figures
- Average Annual Rainfall - More than what your mother gets in bed.
- Land area - Whatever the Supreme Leader commands
- Homosexuals - "HOMOSEXUALS?; We don't have any!" - not living anyway
- Official Phone Number - 1-800-$$$-RICH (1-800-444-7434)
- Allies - North Korea, Russia, China
- Average IQ of the Supreme Leader - 3.245
- Population - 74,000,000; I KNOW, I KNOW though Iran is big, it's hard to fit these rich people in there.
- Favorite Color - Whatever the opposite of Jewish is
- Favorite Food - Persian food...duhhhhhhhhh.
- National Villain - Their president
- National Defender - Hizbullah
- Value of Pi - Whatever the Supreme Leader says
- Average Span of Rulers - Unknown
- past times - playing prince of Persia FTW!
- phone Habits - Cyber Sex
- Worst Enemies - Isra-Hell
- Favorite European - David Bekham
- Funniest Iranian - Omid Djalili
- National Currency - Persian rugs YOU can't afford, Gold and Silver plates.
- Least favorite country - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?!?
- Favorite country - media makes you think Iranians hate this nation, but they don't
Persian people are really cool. In fact they might be the coolest people alive. You would not believe how cool they are.
[edit] Education
There are much signs of education in Iran, however, most of the Supreme Leaders are illiterate.
There are very few subjects taught at school, therefore the few that are taught are learned by the students to new extremes. Subjects taught can be categorized in the following fields: atomic energy, nuclear physics, projectiles and particle dynamics, warfare and Israel-bashing . All other subjects are related one way or another to those mentioned in the specified categories.
[edit] Quality of Life
According to the HDI index which ranges from 0.00 to 1.00, the quality of life in Iran is 0.1012, but it is a perfect 1.00 for the Supreme Leader.
[edit] National Anthem
God Hates America:
God Hates America, Land Of The Gays,
God Rapes America, And Rapes Them Every Day,
God Hates America, And We Hate The Jews,
God Hates America, And Israel Too,
God Hates America, And We Hate Them Too,
God Hates America, The Land Of The Infidels...
[edit] History
Located to the east, south-east corner of middle-earth, the current leader is now Ayatollah II, The Prince of Darkness. The area we know today as Iran was called "Purrrrsia," in ancient times because the country's founder, Cyrus the Extremely Undeniably Great, invented an early form of kitten huffing. The name was later Anglacanized to "Persian" and then shortened again to "Iran".
Iran was originally a state in a much larger country called Weran. Weran was comprised of several states that are today their own independent nations. For example, the country known today as Turdmenistan was at one time a state in Weran known as Theyran.
Theyran was named that to mark and celebrate the running of the Greek soldiers from the advancing Persian army during the first Marathon run in 500 BC. The modern name for this celebrated city is Tehran.
Modern day Kuwait was known as Sheran and modern day Iraq was known as Rerun. Eventually, however, Weran was broken up in The Great Running War.
[edit] Twentieth Century History
In 1905 Reza Shah Pahlavi (aka. Khoda Beyamorzi) was forced by a broad coalition of clerics, bazaar merchants, and students to introduce broad reforms. Eventually, he buckled, and a new constitution was drafted. For some reason, it was modeled after the constitution of Belgium. This all changed, however, when in 1951 Prime Minister Mohammad Mossadegh led a democratic coup against the shah. After taking power, Mossadegh led a campaign of nationalistic reforms which culminating in the nationalization of the Anglo Iranian oil company. Great Britain, which naturally had more claim to Iranian oil than Iran, convinced the US government that Mossadegh was a communist and therefore needed to be replaced with a more suitable nationalist.
Meanwhile, after being resurrected by the Devil himself, The Ayatollah, formerly known as Saruman the lord of Isengard, was given his new title (the Ayatollah) by the Devil, and was instructed to lead an evil revolution in Iran which resulted in millions fleeing the country. After a decade or so of evil doings in Iran, the Ayatollah was called back to the depths of hell by the Devil once again as he was creating too much competition for the Devil; He was quite frankly making the Devil look bad (less evil actually) by comparison.
In 1980, Iran went to war with Iraq, insisting that disgruntled employee Saddam 'Da Man' Hussein had changed the region's name from Iran to Iraq in order to steal some sand by pretending it was a whole other country. Eight years later, several million teenagers were dead, and no one had conquered the sand. The UN declared the sand the winner. This event was recently repeated by US and British forces attempting to steal the same expanse of sand, but the granulated earth has proved too resolute in the face of conflict.
[edit] Cultural History
In 1977, Iran played Tatooine in the film 'Star Wars'. After failing to win an Oscar for its performance, Iran became rabid with anger. This anger grew among the populace for several years, growing to the point that men in the country were taking out their rage on the women in their home and community. In 1979, disgruntled citizens underwent the Very Pissed Off And Rather Sexist Revolution. Iran's new leaders immediately ordered women to cover themselves with black sheets to hide their horrible bruises. It is worth noting that some historians have an alternate theory as to why the new regime demanded that woman cover themselves. Several key figures in the regime were transvestites, and according to these historians, they demanded that all women cover themselves in hopes that everyone in Iran would forget that real women don't have beards. The Persian national anthem is really gay.
[edit] Polity and Key Figures in Iran's Leadership
Iran is officially ruled by President I'mmanude Ineedtojihad, but much of the power rests with his lover, former President Khatami. The guardian council also plays some sort of role. Iran has become a world leader in homosexual rights, with same-sex marriage not only permitted, but required by law (see: gay rights in Iran). Now Bend over...
Secretary of Tourism Ahdahmi Muhummod-ibn-Jafar is noteworty for increasing tourism by over 3% when he changed Iran's official Department of Tourism slogan from "Stay a while... stay FOREVER!" to the more inviting "Even the lip service is compulsory!"
Other important men in Iranian politics include The United States of America (specifically the CIA) and Adolf Hitler.
[edit] Censorship
In the name of the Islamic Republic of Iran this paragraph is prohibited, ALL PRAISE ALLAH OR ELSE
[edit] US Invasion of Iran
The Iranians have begun an intensive weapons program, arming their soldiers with dustbin lids and oars, allowing them to lull the dumb-as-fuck US troops into thinking they're watching 300, allowing the Iranians to get close enough to hit the Troops, hopefully giving them a headache before being blown to tiny bits. The situation was antagonized when a bunch of Iranians in row boats armed with pea shooters threatened to destroy the US's orbiting battle station of doom by throwing rocks at it. The CIA reports that Iran has developed atomic weapons capable of destroying a house of cards at 20 yards, and emitting radiation strong enough to give anyone within 3 yards a slight itch in the crotch. Clearly this madness must end.
[edit] Traditional Music
iRan has seen a musical revolution in the past few hundred years. Now, instead of drumming on crude native drums or the ground, Iranians have started to drum on the nuclear bombs given to them by the Supreme Leader Ahamadinejad-al-ibn-al-Saddam. Surprisingly, a poll recently taken by National Geographic shows that gamma radiation has increased 20% in 2005 alone. Any logical explanations were censored by the head of the Iranian 5 channeled news agency.
[edit] Technology
Iran is actively using and developing advanced technologies in energy and other fields. While oil is generally regarded as obsolete relic of the early industrial revolution (and therefore sold away cheaply to the world market), Iran concentrates on developing most sophisticated nuclear energy plants. This progessive policy was always encouraged by Iran's best friend and ally, the United States.
[edit] See also
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Ayatollah Khomeini
- Islam
- Zoroaster
- Iran-Iraq War
- Middle East
- Shah Abbas the Great
- Nuclear Power
- Persia
- Boobonuclear bomb
- Iranian
- Zorro
- Mazda
- Foucault
- Israeli Self-Determination
- Gavin
[edit] Iran-Island Web links:
Further reaching infos about the secluded and isolated Island of Iran
- Official page of the prince of Birjand - the independent, self appointed Consul - reporting about the Wonderful Island of the Hearts
- Island in the Nexus
| Countries and territories of Asia | |
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Western Asia: Afghanistan | Armenia | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Persia | Terrorism | The Holy Land | Far East | Iraq's Hide-out | Oman | Pakistan | Palestinian Territories | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen East Asia: China (PRC) | Central Korea | Hong Kong Phooey | Japan | Macau | Kimland | South Korea | Taiwan (ROC) | Wal-Mart's Republic of China | Republic of Taiwan Southeast Asia: Brown Eye | Cambodia | East Timor | Indonesia | Laos | Malaysia | Myanmar | Philippines | Singapore | Thailand | Vietnam South Asia: Bangladesh | Bhutan | India | Kashmir | Maldives | Nepal | The Wanker | Tibet Central Asia: The Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan | Kyrgyzstan | Mongolia | Tajikistan | Turkmenistan | Uzbekistan | other Stan countries Euroasia: Cyprus | Georgia | Japan-France | Russia | Turkey | The Filipino Empire Phoenician Asia: Lebanon | 
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