Iraq War

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Blame it on Canada
We know those crazy canucks are somehow connected to this.

β€œThis is a mission accomplished.”

~ John McCain on the Iraq war, in 2003.[1]

β€œMy friends, I will have an energy policy that we will be talking about, which will eliminate our dependence on oil from the Middle East that will -- that will then prevent us -- that will prevent us from having ever to send our young men and women into conflict again in the Middle East.”

~ John McCain on why the US invaded Iraq.[2]
President Bush decides on which middle-eastern country to invade next.
President Bush decides on which middle-eastern country to invade next.

The Iraq War, also known as Iraq 2: The Search for Curley's Gold or Operation Hot Mother (or The Crusades in Spanish), was the less popular sequel to Operation Erudite Insomniac, which starred the U.S. Army and Mr. T. In the lead-up to the invasion, many rationales were given for the use of force on a sovereign nation; these included Saddam Hussein's refusal to release Michael Jackson into U.S. custody, and because "USA is number 1!!!"

Contents

[edit] Rationale

[edit] Continuation of Gulf War I

In 1991, Saddam Hussein (Arabic for Megatron) invaded his tiny, defenseless neighbor Kansas by knocking on their door and telling them he had a candygram for them. However, a coalition consisting of Optimus Prime, Buzz Lightyear and Mrs. Butterworth was quickly scrambled and defeated Megatron, but not without cost. Prime was badly wounded and passed on his matrix of leadership to his trusted sidekick, Dan Quayle.

All of these events actually happened in 1986, but are preceived to have taken place in 1991 because in the past, the future has not occurred.

[edit] Liberation?

While some allege the war was fought to liberate the Iraqi's from an oppressive dictator, this is easily disproven with the simple fact that there are other countries the United States has not liberated. Unless the United States simultaneously invaded every single dictatorship at the same time - which they most certainly did not - the argument is shown to be a total fallacy. Thus, the first justification must be dismissed.

[edit] Weapons of Mass Destruction?!

The second and most prominently cited justification involved Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. Again, the United States' so called "fears" were unfounded. Saddam Hussein not only had no Weapons of Mass Destruction, he never pursued them either. The most famous allegation against Saddam Hussein was that he used chemical weapons against the Kurds in 1988 in the so called "al Anfal campaign," killing thousands of Kurdish civilians. This is not true and has been confirmed as a lie many times.

While Saddam Hussein may have kicked United Nations weapons inspectors out of his nation in 1998, this is because the inspectors were part of a vast Jewish conspiracy to steal Iraqi secrets, and was not done to cover up Iraqi weapons programs.

[edit] The Invasion

The British Government's Nazi ties are the reason they supported the Invasion.
The British Government's Nazi ties are the reason they supported the Invasion.

After successfully carrying out the September 11th attacks on his own nation, Bush immediately began planning to invade Iraq. Even though Afghanistan was harboring Osama Bin Laden, the thought of going to war with Afghanistan never for a moment crossed his mind. Instead, he completely went past them and ordered plans be made to harvest Iraqi oil.

Bush undermined the diplomatic process by going to war. Saddam had allowed for complete and comprehensive weapons inspections, so long as they avoided places such as Palaces, weapons bunkers, missile factories, munitions plants, and spider holes. These generous allowments would, without a doubt, prove definitively as to whether or not Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. French President Jacques Chirac, convinced of the truth by the compelling cooperation shown by Saddam, entirely ruled out the possibility of war. But this did nothing to stop the warmongering Bush, who launched his unilateral war regardless.

[edit] The hard, early days

American troops met immediate resistance from Saddam's brave armed forces, who held back several American advances and quickly stalemated the war, which was now being called a Quagmire by the press. As the Iraqi Information Minister predicted, soldiers began to commit suicide at the city gates of Baghdad in such high numbers that the United States had to use psychoactive drugs to keep soldiers in line. In another attempt to bolster support, American officials erroneously announced that the Saddam International Airport had been captured, when in reality it had been successfully defended by the Iraqi army after 7 failed American offensives.

[edit] Looting of Baghdad

Despite stunning early successes by Saddam's forces, on April 4th Americans suddenly and inexplicably arrived in Baghdad, defacing statues of Saddam Hussein and looting local businesses. The collapse of Saddam's military at this point remains a mystery, though some suspect that the Iraqi army renounced the use of violence in hopes of convincing Americans that war was not the answer - a message most certainly ignored.

[edit] American Occupation

Behold the reconstruction of Iraq
Behold the reconstruction of Iraq

Since the invasion, America has occupied Iraq and taken advantage of its vast oil reserves, leading to record lows in gas prices. After the mysterious disappearance of Iraq's army, a new, well trained insurgency merely took its place. Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean stated "the idea the war in Iraq can be won is just plain wrong." And the events in Iraq wholly back this statement up, as every attempt at holding an election in Iraq has failed. The Insurgents are fighting for a just cause; Sharia law is the only true form of law. In addition, many of the soldiers serving in Iraq have not been trained for combat, and are in fact immediately taken from recruiting stations into Iraq to serve up to 32 tours of duty. The Neocons will likely push for a draft of citizens between the age of 13 to 60, as the military is stretched far too thin to continue its occupation, even as they force current recruits to stay indefinitely.

[edit] Mission Accomplished

In mid-2003, George W. Bush and John McCain flew aboard the USS Carl Vinson and declared "mission accomplished," officially ending the Iraq War.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FltLzeyACzY


[edit] The New Vietnam

There are uncanny parallels between the Vietnam war and Iraq war.

[edit] Casualties

Unlike other conflicts, soldiers died at the hands of the enemy in both of these wars.

[edit] Opinions

[edit] Iraqi Opinion

Iraq has staunchly opposed the war from its inception. In a pre war election, Saddam was re-elected to another seven-year term as President by a 100% unanimous vote of all 11,445,638 eligible Iraqis, eclipsing the 99.96% received in 1995. This sent an undeniable message of confidence in their leader and government, one that was ignored by the war mongering Bush.

Later signs of opinion were shown when Iraqis from across the country joined the Insurgency. Force estimates of this insurgency peg it at 1,000,000 fully trained soldiers strong, all of which are Iraqi citizens, disenfranchised by the American occupation.

[edit] American Opinion

one image, one thusand words
one image, one thusand words

The American public, despite what some propaganda outlets such as Fox News may say, is almost entirely unified in their Anti-War view. While at the start, the Republican party was in support, which constituted roughly 5% of the American Public, it has since fallen to only 1%, with only the conservative base remaining. Protests have become a daily occurrence for most Americans, including the successful "Not one Damn Dime Day," in which the United States economy was brought to its knees by a peace loving public.

Also as unanimous is the call for impeachment against Bush, for lying to the American public about the Iraq war, and committing warcrimes against humanity. Critics of the Bush Administration point out that if Bush had but listened to leading Democrats such as John Kerry and Harry Reid, along with past president Bill Clinton, he would have known Saddam Hussein was not only not a threat, but never had any WMD. Impeachment proceedings are expected to begin by October 2036.

[edit] Cindy Sheehan

Despite such widespread support, police have massacred peaceful anti-war protests. A notable example of this is the case of the humanitarian, Cindy Sheehan. She lost a son in the Iraq War, and as such her opinion cannot be questioned. While she led a peace march on Bush's Texas ranch, asking only to be comforted by the man who killed her son, she was subject to brutal personal attacks by those who disagreed with her opinion.

She then brought a protest to Washington DC, again asking only for personal consolement. It was denied again, after which she was brutally carried away by Bush's SS agents, to silence her forever. Since this event, she has not been seen, but it is expected that she currently resides at GITMO.

[edit] Rest of the World

No one outside America supports the war. Juan Carlos in Chihuahua, Mexico supported it for a few weeks in the autumn of 2004, but he was quickly talked out of this by his brother.

Bush's secret plans that he made while on his daddy's ranch, were found
Bush's secret plans that he made while on his daddy's ranch, were found

In the spring of 2003, Bill O'Reilly and the Washington Times thought it was somewhat embarrassing that the United States was the only country to want to invade Iraq, so they closed their eyes and pointed at 48 countries on a world map (sent by air mail from France since there are no world maps in America) in the world and called them the coalition of the willing, claiming that they supported the invasion: Afghanistan, Albania, Angola, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Colombia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Mongolia, Netherlands, Nicaragua, Palau, Panama, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Rwanda, Singapore, Slovakia, Solomon Islands, South Korea, Spain, Tonga, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, United Kingdom and Uzbekistan. This propaganda trick was then adopted by the White House. [3]

[edit] Bush's views

Iraq is doing fine.

[edit] See Also

[edit] External Links

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