Irn-Bru
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| WARNING This article pertains to Scottish things, dae nothin tae to fix this. It is recommended that while reading this article you wear a kilt, drink Irn-Bru, eat Jock pies and sing Auld Lang Syne loudly. Failure to observe these precautions could cause you unexpected distress and a life of misery in Falkirk. | 
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“I once tasted Irn-Bru. It was like having my eyes plucked right out of my head and I awoke several days later in the middle of a field, naked, with a traffic cone stuck up my arse.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Irn-Bru
Irn-Bru is a non-alcoholic national drink of Scotland, reputedly made from Girders (see similarity in colour to the Forth Rail Bridge). Possibly addictive; those who have never tasted it previously typically react by saying that it is either (a) disgusting or (b) unbelievably sweet. Those who have been exposed from infancy, however, believe it to be the most delicious drink in the known universe (including the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster). Irn-Bru, if taken in sufficient quantity along with a Scotch Pie, is widely accepted as the finest cure yet discovered for the hangover.
hiyaa howar u scotland rule :)
[edit] Secret Recipe
Only the direct descendants of its inventors know the true ingredients of Irn Bru. The only written record of the ingredients is a list written on the back of a cigarette packet and guarded by kilt-wearing zombie pirates in a vault 600 miles underneath George Square, Glasgow.
[edit] Irn Bru Facts
- It is illegal in the state of Connecticut for persons of the name Mike Folcik to consume Irn-Bru
- If the Titanic had been coated with Irn-Bru, the iceberg would have just bounced off her hull and she would not have sunk.
- When Hulk Hogan "hulks up" he has in fact caught a drop of Irn-Bru in his mouth that is squirted out of a tiny dropper by a midget hiding underneath the ring.
- It is unknown how Irn-Bru effects lab rats. A study was started, but nobody ever found the scientists, the rats, or indeed, the lab.
- Irn-Bru is ten times more powerful than Viagra. It is solely responsible for all population increases in Scotland.
- Historians claim that the magical potion drunk by Asterix was probably Irn-Bru that was transported back in time by George Galloway in an attempt to overthrow George Bush.
- To save costs, the Russian space programme doesn't use heat-shields, but instead pours Irn-Bru all over their space capsules.
- A can of Irn-Bru used properly can kill vampires, zombies, ninjas, pirates, monkeys,dinosaurs and Dr. Robotnik. see Dr. Eggman
- Jimmy Saville bathes nightly in a bath of Irn-Bru, this has allowed him to live to the grand old age of 213.
- Captain Scarlet is not indestructible because he was buggered by Mysterons. He injected himself with so much Irn-Bru that his blood now consists of 100% pure Irn-Bru.
- Chuck Norris drank Irn-Bru throughout his childhood whilst he was living in Scotland where he would often partake in a game of caber tossing, strangely enough his cabers were never found..., due to these 2 events Chuck became the strongest person in the Universe.
- To turn into Spiderman, Peter Parker drinks Irn-Bru.
- Popeye was famous for drinking irn-brew flavored spinach.
- A tooth left overnight in a glass of Irn-Bru will be removed from the space-time continuum and will simply never have existed.
- And the most famous one of all, drinking Irn-Bru before going out means there is no hangover
Irn-Bru is the principal component of all of the hardest substances known to man such as diamonds, kevlar, Chewbacca and Rubik's Cubes.
[edit] See also
Barmy British Stuff Categories: Scottish | Oscar Wildeizms | British | Drink | Addiction
