Iron Penguin
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[edit] Riding the Iron Penguin
In its purest form, Iron Penguin is found in nature in the form of spheres. The most common way Iron Penguin is prepared is by being melted, then dripped over a breadstick. It can then be ingested, usually one at a time, but for the serious addict, sometimes one is not enough. Spheres of Iron Penguin can also be crushed and taken nasally, though this is a very labor-intensive process (and also quite intense) and considered "too hard" by most addicts. Iron Penguin can be preserved for long periods when covered with Paraffin wax.
Riding the Iron Penguin is popular among schoolgirls, school teachers, guidance counselors, and babysitters all around the world. It is also gaining popularity with young teens and paraplegics.
Some children have an adverse reaction to iron penguin(see photo). Symptoms include:
- Exponential growth of the child's upper body
- Your car is balanced on the child's finger
- Child is killing people accidentally when he/she pats people on the back
- Child can lift empire state building
- Your front door is missing, and theres a familiar-looking pile of wood 2 miles away
- NASA calls to tell you to stop sending baseballs into orbit
- Child can crush peanutbutter into high-quality diamonds
- A hurricane passes through while your child is whisling
- Your child can jump over the Chrysler Building from China
- You get rear ended by somthing going 200MPH and you realize it was your child playing "tag"
- Your child bends flagpoles into knots
If any of these symtoms occur, recite 200-500 Oscar Wilde quotes to your child while your child is eating a lime.
- Do NOT recite more than 500 quotes at a time, as this will cause your child to loose too much strength, and get called a wimp at school.
- Do NOT use a lemon. This will cause the child's arms to grow to 4 ft dia. and become 10ft tall.
- Do NOT read less then 100 quotes but more than 1. This will cause your child's size, speed and strength to triple with each quote.
[edit] History
Iron Penguin was originally discovered by natives of Australia. They began licking the spheres and noted the ability to see several seconds into the future. It was used for a variety of shamanic rituals as part of a tradition that goes back more than a thousand years. Further refinements were made, until the process of melting and re-shaping was discovered in 1812. Eventually, the drug would be processed with natural dyes and flavors, to add variety. For example, the girl in the picture has two different kinds of Iron Penguin: Pink Velvet and Blackbeard's Delight. Some more daring users actually insert these Iron Penguin rods into orifices where contact with mucous membranes permits absorption. This method of use has been known to cause extreme disinhibition and promiscuity and is not recommended for anyone except groupies and Pam Anderson. It is also advised that if one chooses to exploit the Iron Penguin in this manner, they should don umpire chest shields, drop harnesses and other protective gear to prevent injuries from the uncontrollable urge to buck, heave and jump onto nearby surfaces.
[edit] Legislation
Iron Penguin is completely illegal in 38 states (and highly restricted in the rest) and most European countries. However, it is widely used in Asia and South America. In Australia and the United States, it is legal to use Iron Penguin in conjunction with religious rituals. Currently, there is a bill pending resolution in Congress to legalize Iron Penguin for medicinal use. According to legal analysts, the bill is not likely to pass; however, an alternate provision in the bill allows for states to set their own laws regarding medicinal use.
[edit] See also
 | Mommy's Medicine Cabinet |
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Adderall | Aspirin | Beavers | Caffeine | Cocaine | Codeine | Coffee | Cracked Corn | Crystal Meth | Dexedrine | HeadOn | Kittens | LSD | Medicine |Super Mario Bros. 2| Opium | Prozac | Side effects | Ritalin | Roofies | The World's Most Powerful Drug | Tylenol | Valium | Viagra |
Categories: Drugs | Medicine | Unreal Drugs | Penguins
