Is the bear a Catholic?
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Is the bear a Catholic? is a question that has puzzled philosophers, religious scholars and burn-outs for centuries.
The answer to this question is currently unknown, however, it is commonly known that most brown bears are Protestant, making it highly unlikely that this bear is a Catholic. Although he does generally keep with the Lenten tradition of fish on Fridays, so maybe he is Catholic. An even more important question is, 'Is the bear a Catholic in the woods?'
Zombie Pope John Paul II (allegedly a dude) carried out extensive fecal analysis of samples of New England forestry. Later analysis demonstrated the presence of Christ's body in bears' fecal matter, conclusively proving that the bear is, in fact, Catholic. Or else that it ate Catholics in the woods. Or that it had been eaten by Catholics and resurrected. Whatever, the results were transubstantial.
But the more important question, of course, is given a neutral playing field, i.e. a swimming pool deep enough for a shark to swim yet shallow enough for the bear to stand, who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark?
Cecil famously declared in 1982 that all brown bears were in fact a curious hybrid of Lutherans and Methodists.
[edit] Holy See, also:
- Cattle Licking bears (see All Bran)
- Does the pope shit in the woods?
- If the pope shits in the woods, does he make noise? Enough to disturb the bear? By Edmund Wells, OBE, DOA
- If a tree falls in the woods, what are the chances of it landing on a pope shitting in the woods, if in fact, he does do so?
- The Vatican Rag, by Tom Lehrer
- Kris Koch, Student.
- But, you can't see The Vatican't
