Is the moon made of cheese?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Throughout the ages many have wondered what the moon is made of - some say rock, others say space dust, some say cheese.
But one theory stands out above the rest: The possibility that the moon is made of cheese.
In fact the 1st man on the moon Neil Armstrong famously said " I love moon-cheese" and then took the 1st man made bite out of the moon. Good Job Neil
Contents |
[edit] Introduction
“When you are the moon, you are lonely, not lonely, more a loner, so you eat yourself for pleasure”
~ The Moon on Is the moon made of cheese?
In 1958, Doctor Ivan Sleazy Cheesy of the Cheesology Institute of the University of Cambridge embarked on an eye-opening investigation to find out if the moon was indeed made of cheese. His reports were so startling that there was a government conspiracy which had them used for toilet paper, so his findings were never published, until today.
So read on to discover... Cheese taste good. I hope the moon is made out of mozzerala.
[edit] What Type of Cheese?
Doctor Ivan began his investigation by visiting the township of Arkansaw, Arkansas where eyewitnesses had claimed to have found cheese that fell out of the moon.
Bob the Plumber, a well-respected man in the community, recounted his version of events to Doctor Ivan who then recorded the recount in his logbook. Sadly his log book was used as toilet paper by some government officials. But an inside source - who wishes to remain unnamed- has been able to supply us with a fragmented version of the logbook. The pieces we do not have we have replaced with the word MONKEYPUFFLE.
- 7:00pm Sat down on MONKEYPUFFLE.
- 7:10pm Put the MONKEYPUFFLE on and had MONKEYPUFFLE.
- 7:20pm Watched Roseanne. - "That's my favorite show" says Bob.
- 7:30pm Halfway through Roseanne the TV reception cuts out. Bob goes outside to investigate.
- 7:40pm (It takes Bob along time to go outside. He has a bad MONKEYPUFFLE.) It is a clear MONKEYPUFFLE and Bob can easily see the MONKEYPUFFLE. A piece of MONKEYPUFFLE falls off the roof and hits MONKEYPUFFLE. Bob discovers that it is a piece of cheese.
We can deduce that Bob the Plumber claimed that he was hit by a piece of Swiss cheese, not your average cheddar cheese or like those fancy French or Swiss cheeses. This claim supports other MONKEYPUFFLE China.
[edit] The Man in the Moon
There is a theory though, that displaces the moon Swiss cheese theory somewhat.
The theory of the Man in the Moon. Now to get a clear picture of this issue we must look at both sides of the argument
| Swiss Cheese Theory | Man in the Moon Theory | |
|---|---|---|
| Arguments For: | - Swiss Cheese has holes, in line with the proven fact that the moon is holey.
- The moon is sometimes yellow, like Swiss Cheese. | - If you look at the moon, you can see a man.
- Some say that Doctor Ivan is the moon's brother. |
| Arguments Against: | - Sometimes the moon is not yellow, which is not like Swiss Cheese. | - Men are only known to live in 3 places in the universe and the moon is not 2 of them. |
| Interesting Facts: | - Swiss Cheese comes from Swiss.
- The average bull ant can lift 10 times its own wieght. That's like you lifting up a car! Yeah, think about it. | - MONKEYPUFFLE |
[edit] Cheese mines
Is it possible that the moon is not made of cheese, but has many cheese mines? Many visitors to the moon have found many hunks of cheese on the Moon's surface, but the surface is mostly rocky and inedible.
There have been astronauts excavating the moon's surface in search of cheese mines, but no commercial mines have been found thus far.
[edit] Epilogue - The BIG CHEESE
Doctor Ivan was sadly burned, just like the Man in the Moon, burned to death in a government consipiracy. His findings became a mixture of used toilet paper and cheese fondu. One day Doctor Ivan will get the recognition he deserves, but til then he's heading to the BIG CHEESE in the sky, which may just be the moon ... or it may not be.
One day, in the future, when man has bettered technology or when highly intelligent aliens with unusually large heads (for larger brains) are our masters we may found out the answer to the question "is the moon made of cheese?". But then where will it end? As mankind's lust for knowledge about his environment and universe endlessly increases one asks the question, will humans (or aliens with large heads as it quite likely will be) discover everything there is to know and answer every question, causing their heads to asplode or implode from nothing to discover?
This author says yes and says that some questions are left unanswered. So to you, I bid good day.
[edit] DEFINITIVE PROOF
In general, cheese is made up of a combination of cow, parrot, elf, penquin and gecko - basically the stupidest looking animals that you can't help but just stare at and say awwwwwwww.... As we learnt from our forefathers at our stupid campfire ceremonies, the cow did jump over da moon in 78 DC, together with the faerie elf (yes I do prefer to spell it the "magic" way) of your mum's armpits and the meerkat... In the latest days of 198ə the randomly formulated cheese mix solidified with the help of Saddam Hussein's cool airsoft gun. Thus by the laws of lettuce, the theory of a cheese moon is proven beyond reasonable doubt.
Alternatively, you could go to http://moon.google.com/ and zoom in all the way. :) Also see http://cheeseonthemoon.com for up-to-the-minute updates.
