Itachi Uchiha
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“I believe I saw him once on the cover of VOGUE. Or perhaps that was some Japanese chick”
~ Oscar Wilde on Itachi Uchiha
“Ah Itachi. He was a mysterious one. I was hoping he would show me some of that Uchiha "power". Of course he never did. Hopefully Sasuke will be different”
~ Orochimaru on Itachi Uchiha
“It's my life goal to kill him....otherwise I'd have no reason to live”
~ Sasuke on his brother
“OMG, his eyes are so hypnotizing. They're so red and mysterious. I wonder what kind of mascera he uses....OH MY GOD! I looked into them for a second and now I'm in a nightmarish realm where everything is negative and unbalanced. Oh wait, I think that is the crack kicking in”
~ Amy Winehouse on Itachi Uchiha
Itachi Uchiha is a member of the crimminal/fashion organization, Akatsuki. He happens to be the organization's most reconginzed and popular member. He is Sasuke's older and much cooler brother. He also happens to be quite feminine (as evident by the fact he wears mascera, nail gloss, and long flowing hair). He suffers from Sephiroth complex; a condition in which the person suffers from girlish looks and a tendency to talk about meaningless objectives, but on a positive note gives the person an untold amount of fangirls and fanboys.
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[edit] Humble Beginnings
Itachi Uchiha was born in Konoha into the proud, yet incredibly emo Uchiha clan; a clan well known for their dark girlish hair, a pink-eye like condition called the sharingan, and their dislike of life. As one might think, Itachi was a typical older brother figure for Sasuke. He played with him, helped him train to become a ninja, picked on him for no reason, taguht him how to play catch, and of course blamed Sasuke for everything. Yep, Itachi was one hell of a brother. He was also an excellent student at the Ninja academy. As an honor student, Itachi performed very well on all his assignments, participated in extra ciricular activities after class, and bragged about his success in front of others. His father loved him so much that he began to neglect Sasuke. Thus Sasuke began to resent his brother. Friggin emo.
Then one day, three members of the Konoha police came to Itachi with the suspicion that he killed his best friend. Itachi proceeded to explain the situation to the cops in a respectable and mature manner; he whooped their asses and proceeded to degrade them. Of course, he would have gotten in trouble, but Sasuke begged his brother to stop. Itachi for some reason felt compelled to do so and thus he was free to go. Following that day, Itachi was never the same again. He began beating up others for no reason, talked about death on constant basis, traded his girlfriend for whores, and came home either intoxicated or brought by the police. Oh and he began to listen to a lot of death metal and cut holes in his family pictures.
Then one day, Sasuke asked Itachi to help him with his training. Itachi responded in kind by poking his brother on the forehead and telling him he "didn't have the time for this". What he didn't have the time for, one will never know. Later that night, he killed the entire Uchiha clan, but spared Sasuke as he "wasn't worth killing". Of course, that didn't stop Itachi from "testing his abilities" with his new Mangenkyo (pronounced "man dingo") sharingan and delievering his now famous "Foster your hate; Despise me" speech in which Itachi convinced Sasuke to go emo, go through life hating his brother, his friends, those around him, and himself, and to one day put Itachi out of his misery. He also told Sasuke about his potential to gain Mangenkyo Sharingan; an advanced form of sharingan which forms the user's eyes to look like a kaleidoscope (or other various shapes) and to use cheap moves to finish battles quickly. Itachi then stated that to unlock the Mangenkyo Sharingan, Sasuke must kill his best friend. When Sasuke responded that he had no friends, Itachi giggled like a girl and ran away. He wouldn't return to the village for many years following that.
[edit] Return to Konoha
Years later, following Orochimaru's failed attack on Konoha, Itachi returned to the village along with his partner in Akatsuki and half man, half shark former Hidden Mist Village artist, Kisame Hoshigaki. The two were on a mission by Akatsuki to retrieve Naruto to use the nine tailed fox spirit sealed inside of him to create their ultimate fashion line ever. During their venture in the village, the two made the stupid decision to have tea at a local bar which Konoha's local international man of mystery, Kakashi just happened to be hanging out. The two didn't stay long as they immediatly left when Sasuke arrive. Of course, as the two were leaving, they were stopped mid way by Konoha's local gangster jonin, Asuma and his ho Kurenai. After the two crimminals introduced themselves and Kisame expressed his desire to get "acquainted" with Kurenai, a fight broke out. Of course neither of the two Konoha jonins stood a chance against the two fruity crimminals until Kakashi arrived. of course, soon after, Itachi trapped Kakashi in one of his Mangenkyo Sharingan techinques, Tsyukiomi; an attack which traps the victim in a nightmarish genjutsu where time is apparently non-existant as what feels like 72 hours in this jutsu is really only 72 seconds in the real world. Soon after, Guy sensei arrived to aid the pathetic jonins against the two. Of course, Itachi being the brave crimminal he was, decided to pull back.
About a day later, the two finally tracked Naruto down to the hotel he was staying at. While Itachi kindly asked Naruto to come with them; stating he had "candy", Kisame expressed his desire to cut the fox boy's legs. Then alas, Sasuke arrived at the scene. The mental case then proceeded to waste a good five minutes talking about how much he had hated his brother, all those around him, and himself for the past few years. He then proceeded to attack Itachi. Whether he was under some genjutsu making him think he was any match for his brother or if he was just plain stupid, the little emo tried to murder his brother with his chirping bird attack. Of course, Itachi used his superhuman powers to catch his brother's attack and then proceeded to break Sasuke's arm with one hand. Needless to say, what followed could only be explained as a grade A ass whooping; Sasuke basically got his ass handed to him by Itachi. Following the ass beating, Itachi gave his infamous speech of how Sasuke "lacked hatred" and then used his Mangenkyo Sharingan to fill Sasuke's head with subliminal messages or depression and guilt.
Following Itachi's words of wisdom to Sasuke, Konoha's local ancient-aged peverted ninja, Jiraiya arrived at the scene to save Naruto and use some peverted frog jutsu on the two crimminals. Of course, Kisame and Itachi escaped the jutsu when Itachi used some eye technique to blast a massive hole in the frog's stomach and run off. Itachi and Kisame then happily bounced back to their hideout; having accomplished nothing on their little venture to the small town other than beat up a couple of people and give talks about lacking hatred and wanting to get acquainted with people.
[edit] Shippuden Days
Itachi spent the next two years of his life basically standing motionless in the Akatsuki hideout, standing in an ockward silence whenever asked a question, and listening in to Kisame and fellow Akatsuki mental case, Deidara express their massive interest in Itachi and having to listen to Kisame bitch about how he had less fan girls than both Deidara and Itachi.
Soon after, he created a shadow clone of himself and sent it to stop Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura (now known as Super Sakura) and some old hag from rescuing Gaara. Even though it wasn't the real Itachi, the clone provedto be quite match for the group, but of course was defeated. Following this little incident, he and Kisame would go on a hunt for one of the tailed beasts. After they located it and Kisame knocked the crap outta him, Itachi proceeded to waste several minutes standing in the rain looking all sad for no apparent reason (fangirl service perhaps?).
Not long after, Itachi was taking a stroll through a forest when he encountered Naruto. For the next few minutes, Itachi and Naruto went back and fourth talking about Sasuke. Itachi of course couldn't take anymore of Naruto's strange admiration for Sasuke so her shoved a crow down the annoying brats mouth stating "I'll share my power with you if you please shut the hell up". Following this, he heard of Sasuke's victory over Deidara and decided to pay him a visit for doing the Akatsuki a massive favor. They met in some cave where Itachi revealed to Sasuke the location of their final battle. Itachi then traveled to the said spot and sat on some throne inside and sat motionless for hours waiting his brother to arrive
[edit] Final Battle and Death
A few days after sitting around doing nothing (something Itachi is well known for), Sasuke finally arrived. Of course, having been bored waiting for his brother to arrive, Itachi went crazy and expressed that Sasuke was "his eyes" treating Naruto fans to a side of him that should have never seen the light of day. After all was said and done, the two brothers would proceed to have the greatest fight in the Naruto universe; a fight that took up god knows how many hours. The two went back and fourth. Itachi caught Sasuke in a genjutsu, Sasuke broke it, Itachi burned Sasuke with Amaterasu, Sasuke of course survived, Sasuke performed an ultimate version of his chirping bird technique, Itachi surived and summoned a giant warrior; Susanoo from his nose, Orochimaru broke the bounderies of death, and Itachi owned the pedophile ninja and trapped him in an unescapeable dream world. Of course after each attack, Itachi seemed to grow sicker and sicker. Finally, Itachi reached for a weak Sasuke's eyes, but proceeded to tap his brother on the head and then fell to the ground dead. Sad music played and Naruto fans wept in great despair over the loss of the show's most popular character. Many fangirls fell into deep despair, but it wouldn't last long as many where still under the illusion (possibly by Itachi's genjutsu) that Itachi the sex god was immortal.
Following the battle, Akatsuki's resident Hannibal, Zetsu and self proclaimed good boy Madara Uchiha arrived at the scene and carried both bodies to an undisclosed location.
[edit] The "Truth" of Itachi
Although he was dead, Itachi managed to escape the boundries of death and remain an important part of the story. Once Sasuke regained consciousness, Tobi revealed himself to Sasuke, but alas! Sasuke performed Amaterasu and burned the good boy to death...not! No, Tobi survived and told Sasuke the truth of Itachi. Apparently, Itachi wasn't really the badass and cold murderer that he was thought as. No, he was trully the one hell of a good brother that Sasuke once though he was. After Tobi (now wishing to be called the ninja formerly known as Tobi or simply Madara Uchiha) bored fans with his depressing past, Tobi revealed that Itachi killed his own people under (dramatic pause) Konoha's orders! Yep, Itachi killed his own people under the towns orders because apparently the Uchihas in their mass jealousy of the other villagers for their originality; that or because they were a bunch of emos, planned to overthrow the third Hokage and take over the village to spread their emo ideals and turn Konoha into as they said "a barren wasteland of despair and darkness". Seeing Itachi as the only normal member of the clan (despite his habit of wearing mascara and painting his fingernails), the Hokage and three old geezers had him kill the clan. Of course Itachi didn't do this alone; he had help from Tobi. Itachi did this under the condition that he would not kill Sasuke and the village do the same or he would go public with his mission (as if anybody would believe him). So thus, the dark deed was done and Sasuke was left to fend for himself and become depressed and despising of life. Oh and apparently, Itachi returned to the village two years ago to let the elders know that he was still alive (you know just in case they would do the village a favor and kill Sasuke) and he joined Akatsuki in hopes to kill Madara one day.
Oh and during all the time he spent in Akatsuki, Itachi planned his own death at the hands of his brother (aww, that's sweet) hoping Sasuke would avenge the clan and be seen as a hero by the village. Although Sasuke wasted a lot of time telling himself it was all a lie, he finally admitted the truth and mourned the lost of his brother. Of course, now seeing the point of Itachi's nobel sacrifice, Sasuke completely ignored those intentions and stated his own to crush his hometown. Of course, Itachi; knowing his brother would be a prick and completely misunder stand his sacrifice, gave Naruto some of his power to aid him in destroying his brother.
[edit] Aftermath
Despite the fact that he really wouldn't be seen as the badass killer he was before, Itachi's popularity sky rocketed and Sasuke's popularity fell way below Sakura's. Following his death, his fans posted thousands of tribute videos on Youtube and memorial services were held all around the globe. In the end, Sasuke was better off just going back to Konaha, And being a little emo Uchiha like is mother wanted him to be.(his fan girl database would have sky-rocketed)
[edit] Abilties
Ability wise, Itachi was quite talented. He used was a master at both fire techniques and the art of insult. Being of the Uchiha clan, he also posessed the sharingan; an eye condition which resmebled pink eye that allowed the user to copy any jutsu he saw and turn him into and unoriginal character. Of course unlike Sasuke, Itachi actually possessed originality. Having mastered the Mangeknyo sharingan, Itachi possessed three god like techniques which included Tsyukiomi; a genjutsu that puts the victim in a nightmarish realm of negative colors and where time is none existant (as stated by a high Amy Winehouse), Amaterasu; a ninjutsu which blasts the victim with flames of hatred that burn hotter than the sun (as stated by countless emos), and Susanoo; a summoning technique which the user summons a massive Japanese warrior from their nose. Itachi also mastered the Gentle Breeze No Justu; a jutsu which does nothing, but call fourth a gentle breeze that blows Itachi's hair in the wind and make fangirls go nuts.
