JP Losman
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| J.P. Losman | |
|---|---|
 Most Perfect Hair in Football | |
| Date of birth | March 12, 1981 |
| Place of birth | Los Angeles, California |
| Position(s) | Quarterback, THE quarterback. |
| College | Tulane |
| NFL Draft | 2004 / Round 1 / Pick 22 |
| Career Highlights | |
| Pro Bowls | All of them |
| Awards | Gold, Gold, Heisman, Most Improved |
| Honors | Sweetest Dude Ever |
| Records | See: Guinness Book, pages 1-2345234 |
| Stats | |
| Statistics | |
| Team(s) | |
| 2004-present | Buffalo Bills |
Jonathan Paul "J.P." Losman";Lolsman" (born March 12, 1981) is a professional football player who starts at quarterback for the greatest NFL team of all-time, the Buffalo Bills. Losman grew up in Venice, California, played quarterback and probably had a lot of sex at Venice High School.
Contents |
[edit] The NFL
After the Buffalo Bills selected Wisconsin wide receiver Lee Evans with the 13th pick of the 2004 Draft, the Bills decided they needed someone fantastic to heave the ball in Evans' direction. Thus, they traded back into the first round and selected Losman, out of Tulane, with the 22nd pick in the first round.
Unfortunately, Losman suffered a broken left fibula while fighting a pack of rabid gorillas, which delayed his development as a rookie. The gorillas, however, all died, delaying their development as a species.
Losman eventually recovered and saw limited action in the 2004 NFL season, appearing briefly in three games and completing 3-of-5 passes for 32 yards and 1 interception. The gorillas made no appearances in the NFL nor on the Earth, as they were dead. Following the Bills' February 2005 release of total pussy Kyle Sisson, Losman was named the leader of the free world by now ex-head coach Mike Mularkey (might be a gorilla).
Since this time, Losman has clearly established himself and the greatest and most fantastically awesome - not to mention sexy - quarterback in the league, nay, the universe. His rocket arm, in addition to his impecable frame, quick feet and studly, I mean sturdy build, make him something of an ultimate renaissance man. No, I did mean studly. Extra studly.
JP has often been confused with Bobby Boucher from "The Waterboy" but the reader is assured that JP REALLY is not Mr. Boucher.
[edit] Internet Superiority
Losman, in his supreme awesomeness, also has a variety of Facebook groups dedicated to his many positive features. They include: JP Losman for President, JP Losman is Pretty Cool, JP Losman is so damn dreamy and, of course, JP Losman is the second coming of christ.
[edit] Sweet Phrase
Perhaps Losman's greatest achievment, however, is his inclusion in the sweetest phrase of all time: "SAW LOST LOSMAN MARSHAWN." Though the phrase has undergone some minor tinkering in its time (swapping Marshawn for that asscock Willis McGahee), Losman's place has never wavered and will likely remain until the end of time.
[edit] Summary
JP Losman is amazing. Much better than Eli Manning. Much better than God himself. Much tougher than gorillas.
