JR "Bob" Dobbs

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To many, this will be a blank rectangle...

But You Found God! And he strongly supports this article

“He raped me, took my wallet, kicked my ass, gave me a wedgie, and I thanked him profusely for it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on JR "Bob" Dobbs

“Come back here, "Bob"! You still owe me more SLACK!”

~ Connie Dobbs on JR "Bob" Dobbs

Dobbs in Hello Kitty form, his preferred look

"Bob", "BoB", "Bob" of Nazareth, or familiarly, "Pookie" also known as JR "Bob" Dobbs is the central figure of Christianity. Not this "God" fellow that Christians always use as a front. He is also regarded as a major prophet in Islam and the Bahai Faith, and is widely considered one of the world's most influential figures. The primary sources about "Bob" are the four Gospel accounts, which depict him as a Torah-observant Jewish preacher and healer — often at odds with Jewish authorities (he was a bit of a scamp) who was crucified in Jerusalem for the heinious act of buggering Pontius Pilate's camel with a Bic Pen and leaving it on his desk (the pen, not the camel), thus giving us one of the more memorable stories of the Bible, Pontius Pilate washing his hands.

The canonical Gospel accounts focus primarily on "Bob" in the last one to three years, especially the last weekend before his crucifixion, which, based on some rather drunken accounts from innocent bystanders that happened to be in the room next to the famed "Last Supper and Guy's Night Out", would have been anywhere from the years 27 to 36 in the current era. A faulty 6th century attempt to calculate the year of his birth with a homing pigeon and a sextant(which according to recent estimates could have been from 8 BC/BCE to 4 BC/BCE) became the basis for the Anna Domino (named after the woman that discovered it) system of reckoning years (and also the more recent, chronologically-equivalent Common Era system).

Most Christians believe "Bob" to be the fourth element of the Divine Trinity, and also the Messiah (Greek: Christ) prophesied in the Old Testament (or Hebrew Bible). Most also believe that "Bob", having died many times and rose from the dead after dying one too many times that through him they can be saved. Muslims believe that he was one of JHVH1's most important prophets and also a Messiah brought to us in the form of the world's greatest salesman, though they attach a different meaning to this than Christians, as Christians would never try to make a buck in the name of religion... *cough*

The historicity, teachings and nature of "Bob" are subject to debate and controversy. The earliest texts which refer to him, Connie's's letters, are usually dated from the mid-1st century, but Connie herself saw "Bob" only in visions (though she does claim also to have spoken directly with those who knew "Bob"). Most modern scholars hold that the works describing "Bob" (primarily the Gospel accounts) were communicated by oral tradition ("BoB"'s favorite method)and were not committed to writing until later that century, and hence that the historical reliability of those works, and even more so of works which post-date the 1st century, is disputable. As a result, while many historians and scholars have either assumed or concluded that "Bob" probably lived, a number have questioned this — and some have found the issue undecidable by historical means alone.

[edit] Famous 'Dobbs' quotes

"When two or three gather in my Name, am I not there? Can you not feel my hands in your pockets?!?"

"I'd like my monkey brains well done."

"You don't use your MIND to think about your religion."

"Everything I'm telling you is a lie, including this utterance right now."

"You'll PAY to know what you really think."

"If you can't tell shit from tunafish, then don't eat at a seafood restaurant."

"The world ends tomorrow and you may DIE!!!!"

"Can you believe these suckers? I just tape-recorded and dictated all this bullshit I said when I was high last week when I dropped all that acid, and I sold it to them for a dollar a bit as religion. And they're following me and giving me money. I tell ya', Barnum was SO FUCKING RIGHT."

"Ivan Stang? Douglas St. Claire Smith? Who the f*** is that? I never met anyone by those names. That guy's talking out of his ass. I never met him, I didn't know him, though his wife Shelby is one hot piece of ass."

"I'll give you one billion dollars, if you actually believe my bullshit"

"Sometimes a pipe is just a pipe."

"Ever get the feeling you might be going to Hell?"