JVM

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The Java Virtual Machine is a program invented in 1798 by Coffee Traders in the island of Sumatra, who now aided by their invention, could pretend that they had a machine which grinded coffee beans on mere thought.

Unfourtunately, as it was a virtual machine, nothing happened and they all became bankrupt. Several years later, it was re-discovered by an inventor working for SUN Microsystems called Sir Steve Ballmer, who declared: 'I'm going to fucking kill someone with this!' Favorably, he failed due to a time rift created by Google, who indexed his mind, while he was in the process aformentioned, causing his mind to be unable but to serve Google's corporate sponsor, Microsoft.

SUN Microsystems then used this 'Virtual Thinking' concept in their client's networks to make them look like dilligent ants, while in fact all the executives were drinking the actual Java on Sumatra. (or Slough, whichever sounds more exotic)

The story does not end here however, as the Jython hybrid revolutionised the concept into a whole different segment. Using a dvd player and a tv, as well as a Dell PC, the 'virtual machine could now draw graphics with all the tact and skill of Steve Ballmer using MS Paint. Using this, the Java Virtual Moneymakingscheme (as it was now known) turned Java BiteCod into Tacky Graphics. These could be enhanced in the entrepreneur version with OpenGl to create what has been coined a computers answer to modern art: Sod off and go paint the screen, it would make more sense. Strangely, this didn't rub off on SUN Microsystems or for that matter Steve. (Jobs of course)