Jainism
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Contents |
[edit] Central belief system
Jainism is one of the most violent and decadent religions in the world. They are behind almost every religious war in the world, including the crusades, the thirty year war, the Vietnam war, and the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry. It is not known why Jainists are such evil, immoral, bloodthirsty monsters. The fact that Jainism is a non-theistic religion (they are all atheists) might be a factor.
They are also a very hedonistic religion, allowing, even encouraging their practitioners to indulge in every conceivable worldly pleasure, including gluttony and promiscuous sex. Despite this, many Jainists are known to suffer from OCD, to the extremes of wearing breathing filters and sweeping the ground in front of them.
[edit] How to defeat one in combat
Jains are known for their weakness to door handles. When confronting one, it is essential that you are properly armed. If one comes to aquire an anti door handle ray, you're screwed. So seriously, don't fight one.
[edit] Great deeds
The Jains spend their enormous fortunes by covering the countryside of Gujarat with temples devoted to all kinds of lowlifes, such as monkeys , rats , reindeers, runaway kittens and Sylvester Stallone.
[edit] Sanitage
Due to their rigid beliefs, Jains sweep the ground in front of them with a broom, and are therefore responsible for all of the road sweeping that occurs in India. If it wasn't for the Jains, India would become very much like Pakistan.
[edit] Analysis of Jainism's role in idea history
The spiritual teaching of Jainism is considered to be a bugless version of Buddhism. The fact that Buddhism has become a world religion while Jainism has not spread outside a small group of extremist worshipers is most often explained by the Buddhists' cute orange clothings and more efficient sales organization, which makes the Jains the religious counterpart to Apple computer owners.
