James Carville

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“Oh God! Geez did somebody open the Ark of the Covenant”

~ Peter Griffin on James Carville

"Ah god, I've seen ugly but that is like circus ugly"

Once thought to be extinct, James "The Crypt Keeper" Carville is thought to represent the last surviving member of the phyla vinnie testaverde, an odd, reptilian hold over from the so-called American League period of the Cretacious. Distinguished by a thin, almost translucent brain case and needle-like eyes, James Carville lacks a brain, and relies on a shaft of quasi-nucleac fatty tissue to control his speech centers and major bodily functions. Uniquely, James Carville has adopted a single ended digestive tract permitting the intake of anal gel (his primary food source) and fecal discharge through a single, teeth-filled orifice just below two non-functional proto-eyes. The James Carville lives in a symbiotic relationship with a segmented worm known as the Hillary Clinton, each providing the other with intestinal discharge used to lubricate their interlocking tentacles.

[edit] Poisonous Rectal Spikes

The rock star Bono was last scene trying to stimulate the James Carville into reproducing. Heaven help us.

Considered to be the primitive form of the poisonous platypus cerebral hinges, the James Carville possesses a series of highly poisonous cartilaginous spikes arrayed in a circle around its pulsing anus-mouth. These spikes grow to a length of fourteen centimeters, and are often harvested for use in festivals held by the fat and alcoholic Kennedy tribe.