James Wan

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Filmmakers
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in France

Highly Confusing
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Captain Picard Is Annoyed By This Article

Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D finds the content of this article most unsatisfactory indeed. Not as distasteful, mind you, as that time he accidentally walked in on one of Guinan's holodeck programs involving three Arabian horses, a weedwhacker, and 20th century comedienne Roseanne Barr-Arnold nude in a dunk tank filled with lime Jell-O, but thoroughly unpleasant nonetheless. If you do not take immediate action to alleviate this issue, he will be forced to open fire on your vessel. Well, at least he'll be forced to command someone else to open fire on your vessel. You see, he doesn't actually press that button himself or anything, he is after all the Captain, not some lowly security officer who doesn't even merit a chair of his own on the bridge.

“James Wan... Come here sexy... I like your red hair. Gives me a boner.”

~ Oscar Wilde on James Wan

“OBEY YOUR MASTER!”

~ James Wan on his life as a Master of Puppets

James Wan is a man who manages three careers: a Master of Puppets, Director, and a leader of his own puppet army. All of his movies have to have puppets in them. He has admitted that his one of his puppets will take over his army when he dies.

James Wan and his Army Of Puppets

1 History on his life and puppet fetish
2 Filmmaking Career
3 Films by James Wan
4 Did you know that...
5 See Also

[edit] History on his life and puppet fetish

James Wan wasn't really born, you see his mother is a puppet. We do not know who his real mother is. A huge puppet was found one day and Oscar Wilde had found the baby inside the puppet. He then took James home and fed him and raised him, where he would get his dose of 1000 horror movies a day. One day he had watched the film Poltergiest and had developed a puppet fetish.

James had gone to school with Mary Shaw, his girlfriend all the way through his school life. He went on a date with her every weekend, and it was kind of hard to make out with her, because she had her tongue ripped out at the seam. So when out on one date, he bought her a metal tongue, and he had described the first experience as "a metal-cold time of my life". One weekend he had found out that she was a ventriloquist and that she herself was a puppet, and she would rip out their tongue. Later that night, he went home and found a note in one of his puppets and that said:

"Beware the stare of Mary Shaw. She Had no children, only dolls, and if you see her in your dream, be sure you never, ever scream or she'll rip out your tongue at the seam!"

James had no clue, so he went to bed that night and saw her in his dream. He screamed. Guess what? He got his tongue ripped out.

James had spent all the way through the rest of his life with a metal tongue. When he had graduated from high school, he got a bunch of puppets. Then began his Filmmaking career.

[edit] Filmmaking Career

James had graduated from filmmaking college, where he met his fellow friend Leigh Whannel. Leigh Whannel is an actor who had tatoos all over his neck. He removed the tatoos and got started on filmmaking.

[edit] Films by James Wan

Saw
Saw 2
Saw 3
Saw 4: Even More Saws
Saw 5: Electric Bogaloo
Saw 6: Dude Where's My Saw?
Dead Silence
Death Sentence
Death Solance
Dead Silence 2: Billy's Back
Dead Silence 3
Dead Silence 4: Not Very Silent Anymore
Saw 7: Jigsaw Exposes his Dick and Gets Down and Dirty in Your Mom
Saw 8: Jigsaw is 100000 Years old
Saw 9: One More Movie With the Word "Saw" in the Title and I'll Fucking Kill You!!