Japan-France

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Frapan

Flag of Japan-France. The Rising Sun over a blue ocean as seen while napping on a beach

(Flag)

Motto: 銃士値

Map of Japan-France

Capital

メガパリ (Megaparis)

Largest city

メガベルサイユ (Megaversailles)

Official languages

Jançais

Sun-glasses per Capita

3.9 million

National Anthem

"Cherry Blossom Girl" by Air

Japan-France (unofficially Frapan or, more rarely, Jance) is a small island nation in Eurasia.

1 Culture
2 History
- 2.1 Wars

[edit] Culture

[edit] People

Japan-Franco culture is one of extreme ostentation. Every citizen holds a place in a complex social hierarchy. There is a very strict system of etiquette dictating exactly how rude you must be to the members of each social class.

As often pointed out by xenophobic gaijin, the women of Japan-France do not shave their armpit hair or their legs. However, this is really okay, because they are naturally hairless in these areas. The proper offensive stereotype is that they do not bathe very often, and when they do, they do so in public.

Japan-France consumes nearly 50% of the world's cigarettes, even though they only make up around 2% of its population.

The indigenous people of Japan-France are thought to have been a benevolent race of pacifists who had discovered the principles of thermodynamics far before their European overlords. They have since been systematically enslaved, poxed, and exterminated to the point of extinction. The interbred Island-Japano's or Island-Franco's are treated as second class citizens and can rarely find work outside of manual labor in the grape/rice fields or as servants. Also, porn stars, but only in the really obscure stuff. And that's saying something, because Japan-France has some really messed up porn.

[edit] Language

Jançais is a language with a syllabic writing system where most of the syllables are silent. This has led to two schools of thought on how haiku should be written.

Jançais Kana: The alphabet of the language of Japan-France, along with associated pronunciations. (Kana with no englangi following are silent)

Ceiling of the Rotunda of Apollo, in the Rurufu Museum, in Megaparis.

Foreign languages are banned in Japan-France as the Japanese-French believe that barbarian words will destroy the beauty of their language and they cannot be arsed to learn English. Foreign visitors are advised to carry subtitles around with them.

[edit] Arts

Japan-France is the home of the largest and most kawaii art museum in the world, the Rurufu.

The country is also the world's largest producer of ridiculously pretentious films. One of its most famous directors is Kurosawa Lukube-san. His most well-known film outside of Japan-France is "The Fifth Samurai", in which a poor village must recruit five Samurai to protect the village from an alien invasion; only the fifth Samurai is actually a naked confused chick named Reeroo, played by a naked confused Jobobichu Mirachan. (In 2005, Gonzo remade this as a Franimé in which 4 of the samurai were given giant robots, and Reeroo was given giant hooters.) Other works include Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne and The Baka.

[edit] National cuisine

Japan-France is famous for its cuisine which is based on animal cruelty and general lack of hygiene. Signature dishes include raw fish, horses and snails. Live animals are sometimes consumed.

Japanese-French restaurants can be found in every major city of the world. They are outrageously expensive.

Traditionally the food is washed down with fizzy rice wine which costs hundreds of dollars a bottle even though exactly the same product is made in many other countries and is available for about $5 in any supermarket.

[edit] Pop Culture

Franimé, or Japan-French animation, had its roots with Herge's たんたん, a popular comic strip about a flying atomic robot boy reporter and his chibi-mascot poodle, Yukikun. The most well known Franimé in America is DragonGaul Z*, the adventures of a warrior named Asterix as he travels the Roman Empire in search of the seven mysterious dragon balls created by the wizard Getafix-sensei. Another one is Totally Spies: Evangelion.

[edit] Fashion

There are two opposing forces in Japan-French fashion. Gothic Lolita is the aesthetic of powdering your face white and dressing up like a young but sexually attractive girl, and oppressing the masses. The trend started with Marie Antoinette in 1772 and continues to this day, because everyone loves Marie Antoinette.

Kogal, the opposing trend, involves tanning yourself beyond belief and dressing like a hideous slut trying to regain her youth. It is rather popular among smokers and beach-dwellers who cannot quite pull off "young and pale" schtick any more and need some other trend to latch on to. It is said that Claude Monet really liked this style, and that Girl with Watering Can was a fluke. (And it would be, seeing that Renoir was the artist.)

[edit] History

[edit] Wars

Japan-France has never won a war, preferring to commit Seppuku immediately rather than risk any semblance of dishonor.

Originally a monarchy centered around a Sun Goddess Amaterasu du Soliel, the Japo-Franco people revolted against the oppressive rule of their monarch in 1792 and attempted to guillotine their ruler. However, no one could figure out how to build a guillotine high enough to reach the sun and so the revolution fizzled out.

Three years later, during Japan-French Revolution II, both sides were exterminated by their own weapons of mass destruction. The usual custom for this type of battle is that opposing rulers gut themselves seppuku style and the one who dies quickest is the winner. All soldiers in attendance then commit suicide in the same manner as their respective leader.

1945 saw this strategy reborn in the modern age. Five minutes after finally entering World War II, Japan-France began crashing their own planes into its flagship, the AG-Fubuki. The other side got confused and went home.

Japan-France currently has a standing army of 12. One of those is the penguin mascot 戦友たん, who is way cuter than Nils Olav, the penguin mascot of Norway's army.

Countries and territories of Asia