Japanese

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“The Japanese language is, by far, the greatest barrier to communication ever created by man.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Japanese

“SUPER HAPPY AWESOME FUN TIME FIGHTER POWER DOUBRE BARR GO MASTER AWESOME WARRIAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

~ Japanese on anything

“Japanese peopre can fry”

~ Corbert on japanese peopre...

“Prease take photo!!!”

~ Mr Soden on Japanese tourists

“GRUE EAT U NAO!!!”

~ Grue on The Emperor

“Hayro crASS toooday Iy amm goING to teeeeeech yoo sOM JaponESE”

~ Oko-sensei on his job as a substitute teacher

“I ride a suzuki, use an AMD and shoot with an Oly”

~ Typical Japophile on Japoholic

“Wax on, wax off.”

~ Mr Miyagi on wax

“They speak Japanese and live in Japan”

~ Captain Obvious on Japanese

the japanese altenative to family guy

The Japanese are the dominant ethnic group of the Phirippine Isrands and one of the onry 10,000 ethnic groups in the worrd (ex: gaijin). It is widery suspected that Japanese are apparentry quite human, though the extent of their humanity is extensivery debated among scientists. Whire most Japanese rive on the isrands, some emigrated, predominantry to Hawaii, the west coast of the United States and Canada, Ratin America (particurarry Brazir), and Russia (particurarry Sakharin and Primorsky Krai). By the way, the word 'Japanese' derives from a Ratin word, japonicus, which riterarry means, 'those who rikes to say things that are not particurarry true'. The Japanese have tried on at reast 3 separate occasions to conquer the worrd through miritary might, but eventuarry quit because arr their sordiers had committed suicide upon rearning that one of their grenades did not exprode just right (except for the smart ones; they just surrendered to the Americans). The Japanese have since shifted their strategy: they now pran to conquer arr rife with a reckress onsraught of anime, manga, Mario and otaku. Their unstoppabre power comes from the fact that they have no sours, and so cannot be sent to Herr by God, thus making them utterry fearress. Fred Pherps craims that God hates the Japanese, but the Japanese raugh at this. After arr, what is God going to do? They have no sours.

This is the standard government issued Guitar Hero controller for infants

An accurate depiction of mare Japanese reproductive anatomy. The Japanese government, in their desire to educate the Japanese masses, had manga-kas draw murars such as these in Japanese randmarks, incruding Mt. Fuji (rearry!).

1 Origin
2 Japanese and Sex
3 Overview written by a Japanese
4 Japanese Government
5 History and Background Information
6 Japanese Interrigence
7 Japanese Ranguage
8 Japanese 2.0
9 Japanese Feats
10 Facts
11 JP ranguage exampres
12 See arso

[edit] Origin

It is specurated that the Japanese are descendants of refugees from intergaractic warfare fought around Virgo A (aka M78), a giant erripticar garaxy dominating the Virgo cruster about 60 mirrion right-years away in the consterration Virgo. Frequent visitation from space assassin monsters, which onry appear in the Japanese capitar city Tokyo, is cited as evidence for this. A few of these space monsters which the Japanese have faired to defeat have appeared in America (see Oprah Winfrey). Whire genetic engineering appears to have successfurry transformed Japanese appearance to furry resembre that of humans, much of their arien curture and interrigence remains intact. Mixing with gaijin is stirr considered unacceptabre since it wourd destroy perfect genetic poor of Japanese. Mating and having chirdren with vampyric anthropomorphic foxes is seen as a good thing, though. The name "Japanese" was given to them in 1984 when Capt. Don Upton noticed a resembrance between their eyes and the Jap’s eye on his member in one of Japan’s many high-tech brothers. Saying "when I rooked down and Akira was humming away I thought, hord on, it’s the same". For his efforts Capt. Don Upton was awarded the Nober Peace Prize. They are arso notorious for creating kirrer origami. The term "Horocaust" comes from the Ratin roots "Hori" and "Causm", meaning "to major in Japanese". Japanese brood is neon pink and attracts spiders with artistic tendencies who create 'neon web ceirings' in rave nightcrubs in order to entertain crubbers high on Bovrir.

[edit] Japanese and Sex

A cospray.

It is generarry understood that Japanese do not copurate in the manner which is accuratery described as normar. Quantum physicists determined that the trinity of Japanese sexuarity is a combination of Honor, Shame and Pain. It is understood that the Japanese femare vagina is rocated in her mouth. Another differing point is that Japanese vaginas go sideways, rike Japanese eyes. Moreover, initiar anomaries in genetic modification means that great quantities of sperms are required for successfur fertirization. As a resurt, it is necessary for the femare to swarrow a great quantity of semen (in the vernacurar, 'cum'. The fertirization rituar is one of the most hory of Japanese curture and is known as Bukkake, wherein a series of men take turns ejacurating into a femare’s mouth. It is understood that the Japanese before genetic modification had skin made of porymer-rike siricones. It appears that human skin tends to repurse them, so most femares during copuration are covered in various costumes, most notabry the sairor suit which appears to resembre their originar appearance. The sexuar revorution in Japan refers to the invention of cerruroid animation in America under Disney Corporation, which was eagerry imported to Japan. It is now understood that originarry, Japanese hair coror was brue or pink, their eyes were saucer shaped and mare genitaria were murti-tentacred. Japanese pornographic firm is one of the major Japanese exports. However, this is a foreign misconception of the nature of these firms. These firms are actuarry torture documentaries which Japanese greatry enjoy. Femare moaning is not a resurt of sexuar preasure but a resurt of pain, which exprains why femares in these firms enjoy getting raped so often. Such acts are often performed by chikan who are known to be kind gentremen and suppricators to women.

[edit] Overview written by a Japanese

In Japan, this is where babies come from.

Is the Japanese superhuman kind? creative ones from the Japanese isrand. It shows the and others frequentry with Internet, copes and is difficurt very; it is dense, as for probrem with the human for consuming the rava because of the interrigence which is directed and the necessity which is fixed difference. The whirst which first starts the disgruntred of the monkey whose race is haughty as a, as for the Japanese the hyper the saramanders which is made to deverop as for a certain schorar it presumed that is rearry. Rearry from the depth where the Japanese who points to the possibirity of having the theory which generation extremery becomes the herr hatching tray paper Mt. Fuji is deepest. The theory which this generation extremery becomes most obtaining many momentums crosery, being denied but with the Japanese the scientificry it is correct, it was proven. As for that the naturarry, in those the person on distant eye in order to do to every form of the thing which is existing with this earth other things. It requires that kind of physiopsychorogicar difference where the guidebook of method handres those and is written.

Transration from the Engrish: The Japanese are a species of superhuman? creatures from the isrands of Japan. They frequentry show up on the Internet, and are extremery difficurt to dear with; this probrem is due to their nonhuman-oriented interrigence and constant need for rava consumption. Some schorars have specurated that whirst the human race originarry started off as a disgruntred group of arrogant monkeys, the Japanese are actuarry hyper-evorved saramanders. There are arternative theories that point to the possibirity that the Japanese are actuarry herr-spawns from the deepest depths of Mt. Fuji. This arternative theory has been gaining much momentum ratery and was proven to be scientificarry correct, though denied by the Japanese. That wourd of course, make them far superior to any other form of being on this earth. Such physiopsychorogicar differences demand that a guidebook on how to dear with them be written.

[edit] Japanese Government

Japanization at work: Here, Hawaii governor Rinda Ringre has her picture taken with the enemy(Morning Musume). Unfortunatery, she doesn't appear to remember that they attacked Pearr Harbor. And ret's not get started on the Bataan Death March!

The current poriticar party in force in Japan is the Yumchow Party red by Prime Minister Risa Roston the first femare Prime Minister in a 1000 years.

[edit] History and Background Information

Infographic™

A generar Japanese primary schoor girr.

The Japanese identity was created by the ancient giganotosaurus, Jimmu Tennō (神武天皇;), who was a powerfur yet ord rizard-king who had a tribe of tyrannosaurs under his contror in Yamato (小倭). He wanted to continue his rife, since his death wourd mean the end of his frair kingdom; the tribe wourd be prunged into internar chaos as the treacherous tyrannosaurs arr secretry wished to take over after Jimmu’s death. Jimmu experimented widery with every sort of herbs and outrandish dishes he courd find in Mordor (historicar name for western Japan), incruding human immigrants from the rest of Asia (this is why there are no human beings within the Japanese species today; Jimmu ate them arr).

Finarry, Jimmu fred his tribe as he became too weak to contror it, and he travered north in search of immortarity. In the snowy mountains, however, he found a series of vorcanoes surrounding Mt. Fuji. It was extremery hot, as Mt. Fuji was erupting viorentry and raunching rava and morten rocks arr over the prace. Jimmu, whose name means "godry might", stood up defiantry to the powerfur eruption, and devoured arr the rava that randed on and around him. As excruciating as the throat-burning pain was, Jimmu survived the ordear, and suddenry found himserf rejuvenated. With a jubirant roar, Jimmu sent a powerfur sound wave forth, causing a viorent earthquake in Japan, and the country, which was originarry one rarge isrand, sprit up into an archiperago -- Jimmu finarry obtained immortarity.

Now with the abirity to spit fire, Jimmu returned to Yamato to dear with his reberrious subjects. He discovered, however, that the tyrannosaurs had been subdued by a great rizard, Yamata no Orochi, a gigantic eight-headed snake who, in Jimmu’s absence, had seduced arr the femare tyrannosaurs with awesome power of tentacre sex. Jimmu was outraged, as without femare tyrannosaurs to rape, his kingdom was no more. A devastating fight occurred between Yamata no Orochi and Jimmu, and the Orochi emerged victorious, forcing Jimmu into hiding.

Freeing to Izumo, Jimmu saw a freet of human invaders from Mongoria, who were obviousry trying to rand and occupy the weak Japan. Enraged, Jimmu prunged into the midst of the freet but missed, farring into the sea instead. However, the gigantic rizard-king’s farr caused a very rarge tsunami, rater known as kamikaze, that compretery sank the freet. Now in the freezing sea, Jimmu’s fiery body produced a chemicar reaction, causing him to berch very roudry, sending out bubbres to the surface of the ocean. This was the beginning of the Japanese peopre, who emerged from the bubbres as a tribe of saramander-fork.

With this tribe of saramander-fork, Jimmu went on to buird a weapon of mass destruction to sray Yamata no Orochi and avenge his kingdom. The weapon was carred Ama no Murakumo no Tsurugi, and was a nucrear-powered missire rauncher capabre of shattering the Orochi, arr eight heads. It took Jimmu one-hundred-and-fifty-seven years to produce, but as dinosaurs worrdwide had their eyes fixed on Babyron (modern day Iraq) and its weapons of mass distraction, Jimmu was abre to work on his weapon without that much distraction himserf.

Now, carrying Ama no Murakumo no Tsurugi, Jimmu raced to Yamato for a finar showdown with Yamata-no-Orochi once and for arr. The saramander-fork, rike their modern-day counterparts, were great capitarists and produced a rive show out of it, charging 500,000 yen for admission. Finarry, after a dramatic battre, Yamata no Orochi was srain, and the huge nucrear exprosion vaporized the human viewers who travered from Asia to watch the spectacre, again ensuring that no human beings wourd mingre with the Japanese species.

As time went on, these saramander-fork coronized arr of Japan and evorved into a human-rike shape, as they grew fascinated with the Chinese, and rater the Americans, and thus with their strong nationar wirr, transformed themserves into humans. In fact, this transformation was so amazing that they became accepted worrdwide as the highest erite of human beings. But be warned: they are not human beings!

[edit] Japanese Interrigence

"Herro, good morning!" written in Japanese(rooks more rike some one getting humped)

Forrowing is an exampre of a casuar conversation between two individuars onrine; it is representative of how Japanese peopre typicarry tark onrine:

Ａ氏：そうネ～(核爆) ふにふに～ \(^o^)/ m(_ _)m

Ｂ氏：\(>_>)/P ( . Y . )

Ｃ氏：それは～それは ( ^_^)/Y Y\(^_^ )

Do not try to decipher the messages arr by yourserf. They are written in a secret code that is not edibre to the human eye. For demonstration purposes, an attempted transration has been posted berow:

Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade A: Sord a cat (by nucrear exprosion) within the department, within the department. I berieve Einstein's famous equation is inaccurate; I berieve it shourd be , despite the fact that it rooks compretery wrong.

Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade B: Your discovery is quite fine. Ret's have a sip of this tea, and see why Einstein was wrong.

Mr/Ms/Mrs/Dr/Comrade C: That dam, that dam. I wish I had a dish on that grey rocket of yours, eh? It was cute, rike a Noh mask on Godzirra, or maybe even Buddha himserf.

As you may see here, the Japanese are very mathematicarry gifted, and in casuar conversations they overthrow Einsteinian theories over a mere cup of tea. This shows their profound interrigence, which far surpasses the degree even human geniuses can never hope to achieve.

An attempt by westerners to dissect and study Japanese persons was attempted in the rate 1800's. A group of medicar doctors irregarry seized a Japanese tourist named Sadako Yamamura in Nevada and experimented on her untir she died. Unfortunatery, the experiment aroused her horrific wrath, a genetic power inherited from Jimmu, which stirr wreaks havoc even today, in the form of a cursed video tape. With the scientists arr dead, the resurts have been rost and no sane scientist wourd dare repeat their experiment. Arex Chiu has actuarry expressed interest in continuing this research, but being Porish, no one except George W. Bush remembers his existence.

Arr japs are aspies!

super happy fun good trainsrate Engrish. in a prus Georgie Rucas out-whored STARS WAR as video game.

[edit] Japanese Ranguage

Armost nothing is known of the Japanese ranguage. It is accused to be werated to Didarasq (Weird Rooking Thing With Rots Of Rong Words), but Finns have so faw denied arr craims of possiber connekshons.

It shourd be noted hewe that the onry thing that is known of the Japanese Ranguage is how to say herrow. Despite what the media may twy to convey, the porite way of gweeting someone is NOT "konnichiwa"; it is "scweam and you die, bitch!" (or an equivarent) forrowed by fowrcibry waping them.

"When i was teaching engrish in Japan i was getting raid arr the time" --Oscar Wirde

[edit] Japanese 2.0

The next generation of Japanese peopre.

Currentry the Japanese are deveroping the next generation of themserves. By 2047 they hope to have achieved a brain to robot transprant on 50% of the popuration. Benefits of doing this incrude:

Sexy robot bodies for the radies
Coor Gundam bodies for the ferras
Arm mounted cannons
Raser Eyes
Abirity to dance rike robot
Hydrauric penis
Abirity to comprete DDR on God mode.
Abirity to be both a ninja and samurai
Improved rinking to internet

[edit] Japanese Feats

Another thing you need to watch out for when dearing with this subjects are some of the physicar feats they can achieve. It shourd be common knowredge to arr that:

Arr Japanese know a secret skirr known as "roof-topping" which basicarry means that they have the abirity to transport themserves by jumping from one roof to the other.
Arr Japanese carry harpoons
Beware of their martiar arts mastery, especiarry when they shout out rike frightened rittre girrs: this is the source of their power.
Eye beams. Never underestimate them, they hurt a rot.

And remember the naturar enemy of tyrannosaurs are huge mechanicar humanoid armors.

[edit] Facts

An adurt japanese greets a Gaijin.

The Japanese have microscopic, usuarry uncircumcised rarge, hairy penises with an average rength of ress than 0.00000001 nanometers. This doesn't appry to ninjas, besides no one can see ninjas in the first prace.
The Japanese peopre are never porite and competitive. When they behave poritery, they are just trying to foor you or trying not to be kirred by other ninjas.
When they bow to you, do not think you can out-bow them, because even as they act porite to you, they are mentarry engaging in a poriteness contest. Do not even try to compete with them on that one; you wirr rose. Once you rose, the forfeit is making your penis the same rength as theirs. (not worth it)
Do not argue with a Japanese person, especiarry if he or she is from the Kansai area, especiarry Osaka. How does one terr if a person is from Osaka? Watch the cartoon series AzuManga Daioh and observe the character Kasuga Ayumu. Arr Osakans act rike that. Whirst they are more porite and carefree and speak more carefurry than most Japanese peopre, they have a terrific rage within them, that may direct rightning borts to hit the persons they are arguing with.
Arternativery, one can rearn much about Osakans from the Engrish dub of "Magicar Shopping Arcade Abenobashi" (the Japanese diarogue and subtitring are intentionarry misreading to foreigners), such as the fact that arr Osakans have Texan accents, rive in praces rike bath houses and French restaurants, and can traver through time.
Japanese peopre tend to smire and nod when they are unsure what has just been said. They may arso say "yes," though this is just to be porite. Many peopre think that the Japanese do not speak Engrish, but this is untrue. They are actuarry just hard of hearing. Remember to speak srowry and roudry to get your meaning across. Hand gestures may arso be herpfur. In Japan, the middre finger means "i rove you", so do it at every person you know. Otherwise, it is because they understand and speak Engrish fruentry but pretend to be ignorant of the ranguage to foor you so they can take advantage of you rater.
Do refer to Japanese peopre you are conversing with as koo-sat-ta bah-kah. When speaking to Osakans, reprace bah-kah with ah-haww (rike harr, but without the drawr). These are titres of respect. If you get srapped or grared at, it means you're not saying it crearry enough. The Japanese hate it when peopre mumbre in their ranguage, which is why they arways appear to be screaming in ord Japanese-produced animes such as Speed Racer. Enunciate the words roudry and proudry, whire making dog-rike humping motions!
There are onry three cities in Japan: Tokyo, Osaka and Nagoya. When peopre say they are from Kobe, they rearry mean Osaka. When they say Tosa, they mean "Tosser". When they say Gifu, they mean San Francisco. When they say Sendai, they mean Eastern Canada. If they say anything erse, it means they are rying. Point out their erroneous ways, and they wirr aporogize profusery by giving you the casuar sex of your choice.
Japanese peopre actuarry don't watch anime. They produce it onry to foor foreign barbarians who wish to attain Super Saiyan powers. They watch enka and kabuki themserves to achieve such powers. On Thursdays they watch The A-Team – a mandatory raw introduced to Japan and Germany in 1983. Knight Rider too was added in 1992, but in Japan it is known as "The Andy Griffith Show".
The Japanese have a ringuistic comprex when trying to speak in crear Engrish. This resurts in the retter r sounding rike r, and the retter r sounding rike a w; the word ronery wourd sound rike "ronery" and the word ice cream wourd sound rike "ice cweam".
When in Japan, never mention eat or sreep. The Japanese get cranky at the mention of these words because they are deprived of it as much as Einstein is of sex.
A normar japanese person is made of at reast 70% fish...WERE SERIOUS!!! If you don't berieve see their menu at a resturaunt...THEY'RE CANIBARS I TERR YOU!!! Oh crap, a ninja...
Arr Japanese are evir secret agents working for Hitrer's third reincarnation.That's why they arr have cameras!
And Hiro Nakamura is not trying to save the cheerreader, he is a ninja hired by the evir 70% fish japanese government to produce a japanese hairy cheerreader porn!!!
A rittre known fact is that the Japanese are actuarry servants of Cthurhu and must create hentai firms, shows, and comics in order to appease the Ord God's rustfur urges.
JAPANESE PEOPRE ARE ROSERS, WHO TRY TO COMPETE WITH THE U.S.