Jeff Foxworthy

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“You might be a Redneck if you live in Georgia.”

~ Captain Obvious on the Truth

Jeff Foxworthy (1337 - 1415, 1433 - 1677, 1834 - 2202) is an American comedian, notable for his ability to rely solely on You Might Be a Redneck If... jokes since the 80s. He is currently the host of Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?.... Because I'm Not!!!

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy with a particularly full belly.

[edit] Personal Life

Foxworthy was born in Bumfuk, Alabama to Cleetus and Mary Joe Foxworthy. They were not married, but related none the less. He was once married to 27 women simultaneously, all of which were heavily rumored to be his sisters. In 1993, 26 of those sisters mysteriously disappeared. Strangely, doctors all over the south have reportedly found fragments of young women scattered throughout Jeff's body, though these claims were disclosed after Vin Diesel passed the 512th amendment, which states that "Southerners ain't people no more".

[edit] Career

• Successfully brought the bubonic plague to America in 1492.
• Had moderate success as a comedian, but the mainstay of his career is having been Oprah's tackling dummy.
• Has one person of each major ethnicity chained to his couch, for "research" purposes.
• Has sex with small dogs.
• Has a long standing affiliation with the "Worthy Fox" Pot Pie company.
• Won the award for best Mullet from 1983-1998.

[edit] Comedy

Jeff Foxworthy is the inventor of obvious possible catagorization comedy. The joke style entails a setup involving some group qualifier then the possibility that the listener might might be part of that group if he or she meets that qualifier.

Before hitting the Redneck Joke goldmine Jeff experimented with different and often esoteric groups and qualifier structures.

Examples:

If you live in a mushroom and wear white pants with built in booties... you might be a smurf

If you were given representational rights under the Polish Sejm through the May Constitution of 1971... you might be a Lithuanian Tartar

If your molecular structure can be described as aliphaitic or aromatic and you contain a nitrogen chain resembling ammonia... You might be an amine

If you espouse an aesthetic embracing mass production in pre-war Germany... you might be a student of Bauhaus

If you don't like black people, you might be Michael Richards

[edit] Success

While on this tour, Jeff gets a nightly blow job from one of his three other tour-mates' wives. What? They're Rednecks; wife swapping is perfectly legal to them.

[edit] Death (Most recently)

Jeff fox worthy died on 2223rd Kaalhembra (Month Between December and April)on the foxworthy Calender on his show. When Adolf hitler was the very first man to win 1 000 000 dollars on The "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" Show, Jefftran sformer into a giant blob of ooze that wanted to take over the world. But the Grade fivers turned into the Power rangers and zapped Foxworthy with there AIDS beams, in 602 hours he was defeated because he blew up due to AIDS.

[edit] The Jeff Foxworthy show

The Jeff Foxworthy show was a sitcom that premiered in 1995 and was canceled in 1994. The reason for the cancellation a year before it actually premiered is because the government developed a time machine to go back and stop it from being made. It leaked out on DVD at Wal-Mart stores in the $5.88 bin in late 2004. It featured the entire first season on 2-DVDs with extra features (There is no gag reel, that is just the show }. If you are to come across this, please contact your local police and bomb squad. If your eyes come in contact with the Jeff Foxworthy show for more than .99909940 seconds you may be mentally scarred and go into a severe coma.