Jenna Jameson
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“In Soviet Russia, STD carries YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on Jenna Jameson
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| Porn Star |
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| Breast Size: DDDx10³³³ |
| Birthdate: Perpetually 18 years ago |
| Hair:-Drapes:Blonde Carpet:Plaid |
| Eyes: two |
| Breasts: double silicon |
| Real Name: Slut Slutsky |
| Vital Statistics: 42-24-36-32.5 |
| Banged: A lot. |
Jenna Jameson is an American pornographic actress and President of N.O.W. (the National Organization for Women). Famous for the quote "Why do they call it a dictionary? They should call it a cuntionary!".
Contents |
[edit] History
Jenna Jameson was born Theodore Whatchewtalkinaboutwillis Cleaver on March 18, 1951 in Mayfield, New York to Ward and June Cleaver. Theodore also had a brother named Wally who was the product of an affair between June Cleaver and Ricky Ricardo.
Theodore was only seven years old when he made the revelation that he was a girl trapped in a boys body. He came to this conclusion after an afternoon of intense lovemaking with Eddie Haskell, who was Wally's best friend at the time. Theodore said that the experience had "woken up the woman inside of him", and asked to be called Beaver in honor of his newfound womanhood. Theodore's parents were understanding, but Wally was not, exclaiming, "That's fuckin' gross!". After some consideration Ward and June decided to pay for Theodore's sex change operation. The operation cost about $40, and was performed in a motel room by Dr. Nick Riviera, a surgeon who had lost his medical license some years earlier. Theodore then changed his name to Jenna Jameson, and the transformation was complete. She then dumped Eddie, telling him that since he'd had sex with her when she was still a boy, that made him a faggot, and she didn't like faggots. Sadly, he killed himself three weeks later by drinking a glass of bleach.
As a teenager Jenna became rebellious, and was expelled from Mayfield High for showing her tits to everybody in school, even the lazy Mexican janitor. Jenna eventually got her revenge though. Zeus, who was pussy whipped by Jenna, burned that damn principle to ashes. Her parents chided her for her slutty behavior, leading Jenna to say, "Whatever, it's my hot body, I'll do what I want!". They realized that she was right, it was her hot body, and she should be able to do whatever she wanted with it. This was the beginning of the women's liberation movement.
In 1961, on her tenth birthday in fact, Jenna made her first porno, Young Chicks and Fat Old Dudes Who Can't Get Laid Except In Porno Movies. It was in this film that Jenna invented the "69". Jenna was afraid that her parents would be ashamed that their daughter had done a porno, but to her surprise they told her that they were proud of her. They then made the revelation that the two of them had met while shooting a porno. "The way your mother could deep throat was mind blowing," said Ward. "I knew I couldn't let someone with that much talent get away, so I married her." Upon hearing this Jenna said, "Yeah, I didn't really want to know that". Soon Jenna was the biggest name in porn, filming an astonishing 40 pornos a week, her specialty being double anal. "I don't think I'm ever gonna shit right again", she is quoted as saying.
[edit] Drug Abuse
One week Jenna was feeling too tired to film a three-way, so the director gave her caffeine pills to pep her up. The pills worked, and Jenna started taking the pills every now and again to give her energy. Unfortunately for Jenna (but fortunately for her dealer) what began as recreational drug use became a full-blown addiction, and soon Jenna was into harder drugs, abusing everything from acid to speed to snorting crushed up turtle shells. Jenna has also publicly stated that she was addicted to paprika and some other herbs (which are believed to be parsley and Kingsford charcoal).
At 26, Jenna moved to California to reunite with her father, who helped her get clean. After a year of sobriety Jenna learned that her brother Wally had been killed in Vietnam. Friends were worried that this might cause her to relapse, but she never liked Wally anyway and didn't give a shit that he had died. Since then she has remained clean (well, her pussy hasn't, but that's another thing altogether).
[edit] Alien Abduction
In an interview conducted in 1980 Jenna revealed that she had been abducted by aliens at the age of twelve. Not the Predator aliens or the Alien aliens, more like the aliens from Fire In The Sky. She said that they performed a battery of tests on her, most involving sticking object up her rectum. In other interviews she revealed that not only had they checked all her orifices with their gigantic probes but, as a crude joke, also inverted her gastric system. This gave her a beyond-average ability of performing anal sex as if it was just a regular blow job (which may have helped her in boosting her flagging career), although it also left her with a terrible case of bad-breath.
[edit] Film
She practically fucked every asshole that came to her door. Just everyday "Ohhh ooohh yeah oohh yeah.....wait.....DAD!?!?!?!"
[edit] 301
One of Jenna's most famous movies was 301 (based on a true story). It was a tale about 301 Spartonians, trying to defend their country. All they had to do was last 20 minutes with Jenna. Unfortunately nobody could last more than 30 seconds, so God sent some aliens known as the Persians to destroy Sparta.
[edit] Private Parts
Jenna Jameson has just recently recovered from shitting silver bricks after getting fucked by the silver surfer.
In 1996, Jenna Jameson married porn star Brad Armsthatarestrong (aka Brad Garrett). They separated after ten hours. By this time, Jenna Jameson had drawn the attention of Howard Stern (a Jew), who cast her in Pirate Farts (1997). At the premiere of the movie, Jenna met singer Charles Manson, who she would later date. In a strange way, he reminded her of her long-ago love Eddie Haskell. In 2000, she moved in with shemale porn star Carrot Top.
[edit] Favorite books
Jenna loves to read - here is a list of her favorite books (add more).
- The Bible
- The Holy Bible
- The (ass)Hole Bible
- The Not So Little Prince
- Give a Mouse a Cunt
- The Little Cock That Could
- Good Night Creampie
- Bi-Curious George
- 10 simple steps toward clavacal enlightenment
- Moby's Dick
- In Diana Jones
- Hairy Pussy And the Prisoner of Asskabin
- Hairy-ot The Spy
- Hairy Pussy And The Philosofisting Stone
- A Tale of Two Pussies
- Dragonballz Manga
- Bone-r series
- Green dicks and pussy
- All of the "Wheres Dildo"
- The Cunt of Montecristo
- Mob-Dick
- Where is my Dick?
- Hairy Pussy and the Sorcerer's Boner
- Whore and Peace
- The Hardy Boys in The Case of the Missing Anal Lube
- Catch It In Her Eye
- A Midsummer Night's Cream
- Around The World In 80 Lays
- The Lord of the Cock-Rings
- Harry Pussy and the Half-Man Whore
- Cocks at the funeral
- Where the Red Fur Grows
- Plato's The Furpubic
- The Cockfather
- I cuckolded my white husband, and made him eat sperm.
- Donald Dick
- The Da Vinci Load
- Star Whores
[edit] Marriage to former Vice President Al Gore
Jenna was at the top of dicks in 2003, by this time both a household name and a mainstream commodity. She signed an exclusive 70-year deal with Vivid Brain Entertainment Group (a company known for classy adult features with sexy women and storylines, yeah storylines, I know, I know, that sucks) to star in at least 150 films.
Seven years after separating from Brad Armsthatarestrong, Jenna finally obtained a divorce and married her boyfriend, studio owner Dr. Dre ( a Negro), in 2003.
In the world of porn, Jenna Jameson has come to define success. With over 800,203 movies in his ass, she's pitched in her fair share towards building this billion-dollar industry. While her exact net worth is usually kept in her g-string, her film career and own entertainment management company, ClubJenna, have certainly garnered her something. But that's to be expected; after all, sex sells.
And yes, this section curiously does not mention Al Gore despite being titled "Marriage to former Vice President Al Gore".
- VirtualJennaJameson.com, Virtually Jenna, Jameson's official videogame. NOTE: Does not contain adult content so is recommended for viewing at work. Make sure your boss knows you're viewing it though.
[edit] Pulitzer prize
Jenna won the coveted Pulitzer prize for her book "Riding the Cock of Life" in which she documents how she was 1 exam from a PHD in Guinechology but slipped off the wagon driven by her addiction to Everquest, a popular online game in the late ninetines. The Jew York Times said her book was "Orgasmic - It made my mind cum constantly" and the Springfield Bugle voted the book "The best book released in the last 5 minutes". This is widely accepted as the peak of Jenna's Career and she is said to 'Burst into tears' when she thinks of her lowest point as a frozen yogurt saleswoman in the Nevada desert, an occupation that we've failed to mention until now.
[edit] Jenna's Dicks
A list of famous Dicks that Jenna has dated:
[edit] As a Hotel Heiress
When Jenna was young, she planned to built an hotel empire worldwide that would compete the Hilton hotel empire. The hotel was named after herself. Pornographic channels are free and unblocked. Buying additional condoms in the hotel are $1.00 each.
v d Genealogy of You Know Who (also known as the Jedi family) Obi-Wan Kenobi | Woody Allen=Jenna Jameson | --------------------------------------------------- | | | Christ=Antichrist Village idiot=Lulu Oscar Wilde=Buffy the Vampire Slayer | | | ------------------------------- Howard Stern Yoko Ono=Godzilla | | | Clark Kent=Princess Diana Minnie Mouse=Fyodor Dostoevsky 早安+大家好 |-Adolph Hitler | | |-Uncle Sam Pakistan Your Friend's Mom=You Know Who |-Wonder Woman | To be continued...
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| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! | |
| If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
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