Jeohovas witness

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The reason only 144,000 people have been able to drink Communion wine, and even then, only once a year

Jehovah’s Witnesses are famous for re-inventing the Bible in the 1920’s. This was done by the clever combining of the talents of house-to-house salesmen and suicide pamphleteers. Their motto being “I smite thee with explanatory pamphlets” being the basis for today’s DSS in the UK.

Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that only a couple of people will be allowed to go to their version of heaven as everyone else being too stupid to read their pamphlets. These pamphlets are usually made with low-grade ink and paper, being used for many households monthly supply of toilet roll. This factor contributed to the speed at which they grew across the globe. Many a happy loo goer has had cause to praise the watchtowers role as the leading “John Wayne” (its rough, tough and it takes no shit!) brand of loo paper. This also has been a contributing factor to the clearing of the rain forests and hence global warming. This has pleased many communities of Jehovah’s Witnesses as they are constantly reminding the rest of the population of the end of the world. They can often be seen gleefully rubbing their hands together at the any sign of this happening. Leeds United being relegated and the stopping of the Mushroom Double Swiss line of burgers at Burger King preceded the largest ever-public street party by Witnesses in History, when several dozen of them parked up their caravans in Clumber Park and went for a picnic.

Unfortunately for them their numbers are rapidly dwindling due to their refusal to eat any food based foodstuffs or drink any water based liquids. They live for the day when the rest of population dies and they can drink their own blood and urinate in their own washing without the rest of us looking at them with raised eyebrows.

Witness families are renown for the sensible ways in which they embrace anything that they can't explain. The huge rise in ducking stool and flat pack burn a heretic kit, sales, from DIY retailers explains this.

The thing a Jehovah’s Witness is most likely say out on the piss are “the end of the world is nigh, again” and “can I have pint of blood please?”