Jester

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“GODDAMN! That jester I just shot had cubs! Now I'll have to kill them too. God I hate killing jester cubs. The way they look at you with those big eyes, tinkle their little bells and tap you with their tiny little bladders-on-sticks! It near breaks my heart. Still, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.”

~ Oscar Wilde on a jester hunt.

“Sometimes you have to be cruel to get an erection.”

~ Marquis de Sade on a totally different subject.

“There's no need to use violence Devil Boy.”

~ Jester on giving advice to Dante

Jesters were a widely sought after prey animal in the Middle Ages. Prized for their tender, succulent, melt-in-the-mouth motley coloured flesh, as well as for their distinctive tri-partite trophy horns, or 'cap', jesters were a popular delicacy.

For the most part, jesters were a treat enjoyed exclusively by the nobility, with large sections of their castles set aside as reserves for the jesters to multiply unmolested until the jester season opened.The poaching of jesters by the lower classes was a problem the nobility dealt with in their typical gentle and understanding way.

Jesters were brought to near extinction around 1564, with the invention of more sophisticated weaponry. Attempts to protect the species were were drowned out by a swelling demand for jester hide costumes that could be used in 'Ziggy' Shakespeare's popular plays.

[edit] Life Cycle

The jester, or non sapiens sapiens, begins its life in the royal court. The mature jester, swollen with eggs, wanders the court in the hope of finding a host in which to lay its young. Typically it lays these eggs down the hosts oesophagus. The jester thus needs to wait until the prospective host opens its mouth widely, such as when they laugh or shout. Mature jesters will often wander the court, bopping people with their bladders and uttering such amazing witticisms as 'la, nuncle!' and 'marry, good sir' or even the sure-to-get-a-rise 'prithee, good sir, have your wind instruments been in Naples that they speak i'the nose thus?' in order to get the potential hosts to laugh and open their mouths wide enough for the jester to lay its eggs in the host's oesophagus.

When this fails to work, the jester will then force its organs of reproduction into the startled host's mouth and deposit thousands of its tiny eggs in the host's throat. This is the origin of the phrase 'wrap your laughing gear around this!'

This experience is incredibly traumatic and most jester hosts will block the event from their conscious minds. However, the event will inevitably leave scars on the host's psyche. This is the direct cause of many people's fear of clowns.

The eggs will slowly travel down the oesophagus, before finally coming to reside in the stomach. After 3 months of gradual maturation, the eggs will hatch. The larval jester spends another 3 months maturing, frolicing in the stomach acid of its host and growing to proper strength. After this time, the host will feel an overwhelming urge to vomit. This they will do, releasing thousands of mature jester larvae into sewerage systems, floors, or wherever it is people choose to upchuck.

[edit] Recipes

The popular cookbook, The Feast of Fools or festum stultorum, has many delicious ways to prepare a jester. The following is an excerpt from this amazing manual.

Ingredients 1 mature jester

If cooking is too much of a hassle, go to Jesters pies

[edit] History

Jesters have always feared Ninjas. Ninjas such as Ninja Seth and Ninja Norcross strike fear into the hearts of jesters everywhere. Although jesters copulate with each other, they have been known to fornicate with their close cousins, the clowns. Clowns however are handicaps. So hence, you gain Half-handicapped Jester/Clown babies. Ninjas, with their power and might claim these psuedo-jester babies, and throw them into Olympus Mons. Ninjas have no shame towards jesters, except the time when Ninja Seth mention the word 'Bukkake' during Ninja English class.