Jim Carrey
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Jim Carrey is a famous Canadian plumber, mainly known for his impersonation of Hermann Göring that cost him his life on a 4th grade science fair in 1873. His trademark was thick eyebrows and chlamydia. His famous method of being Funny is to do slapstick at completely random times and think he's god. This is showcased in his movie ADD moron Jim Carrey almighty
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[edit] Early life
“Freaking stupid article”
~ Idiot on crack
Jim Carrey spent his earlier years as a gangster, until he joined the Starfox team. He is now completely loyal to Starfox, and wanders around in a birdsuit calling himself 'Falco Lombardi.'
Jim Carrey was born "Wiploc" in the Moon to the north of the USA and has been called "Man on the Moon" ever since. He is known for his red fur, green face and seven digits on each hand as well as on his bank statement. In 1987 he migrated with fellow Alien Jeff Goldblum into the USA where they met Geena Davis who shaved them. He was jealous as Geena preferred Jeff to him, but he was happy that she shaved of his bright red body fur. Yep, even "down there".
In 1990 he signed on to Halliburton's In Living Color experimental antimatter energy project, in which Jim was used as a catalyst and regulator for the beings of pure antimatter, the Wayans Brothers, who, by simply talking, could generate enough primordial pasta to provide America with 85% of its total power needs. Carrey's appearances on the show led 85% of viewers to attempt to adjust the color on their television screens during his appearances.
He survived an assassination attempt performed by Morgan Freeman's ex-wife Morgan Jackson(previously Freeman) in 1991 in which Jim was injected with DNA from Alec Baldwin, in an attempt to transform Jim into one of the Baldwin Brothers. If it had succeeded, the next contact that Jim would have had with a Wayans Brother would have destroyed the whole Earth in a deluge of primordial pasta. However, Jim's robust Canadian immune system rejected the Baldwin DNA, and In Living Color continued for a few more =STOP SAYING SH** ABOUT MEEEE BECAUSE I WAS NEVER BORN OUT OF A FU***** RHINOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!==
[edit] Career
In 1994 Carrey had cosmetic surgery, he had laser treatment to prevent his red body hair from regrowing. He didn't like being white so he sold his white skin pigments to his dad then had face recoloring surgery to look green, as seen in "The Mask" and "The Grinch". He also has an all over green body suit that he wears when making out with Drew Barrymore, or having threesomes with the two faces of Tommy and Lee Jones. In 1998 many thought he was mentally ill, and a liar, he called himself Charlie and believed everyone was watching him, he was right and found out he was imprisoned inside the Millennium Dome, then escaped. in 2003 Jim Carrey became "God" when Morgan Freeman abdicated.
In 2009, he became the first man on the West Pole. Of course, no one believed him and he quickly became a member of Scientology because he liked strawberry pie so much. Tom Cruise has been rumored to call Carrey an "inspiration for both sexes" and long worked as Jim's sparring partner (2003-2008).
When the double DVD of Walt Disney's famous The Lion King first came out in 1888, Jim claimed to have written the script, produced and directed the movie and claimed 50% of its income. In 2011, after a short relationship with his mom, the King of Finland, he married Michael Eisner and adopted five kids, Ludwig van Beethoven, Timon and Rupert Grint(Grint sadly passed away three years before his birth from a terrible toothbrush accident).
Jim Carrey is known to be able to talk fluent shit, he does so in most of his films. The dialog from The Grinch was spoken entirely from Jim Carrey's ass.
Whilst filming on the set of Bruce Almighty, Carrey contradicted himself by making a monkey crawl out of a black man's arse. Carrey later went on to regret the decision, eaten a donut the day before Carrey was hysterical and decided to give the black man some friend chicken, and made the monkey crawl back up the black man's arse. Having to inject himself with pure Diet Coke, this made his hair fall out, his eyes turn fully black and he developed the power to jump up to 70 meters high. He couldn't walk or drive anymore to work. Only jump to work.
[edit] Shit Cooking Recipes
So you have come to explore the wonderful world of Jim Carrey's Recipes. Jim Carrey is not just famous for his hilarious, shit your pants psycho comedy. He is also famous for his hilarious disgusting cooking recipes and has published his first book called, 'Cooking with Jim Carrey'. Here are a list of his recipes: (just to name a few)
[edit] Jim Carrey's Nacho Dip:
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup of Musili
- 2 cups of purified nachos
- 1 table spoon of Jim Carrey's underwear
- 5 cups of salt
- 1 whole bottle of Jim Carrey's Special Brand fart in a bottle whiskey
Preheat oven to 550Cْ for a fan forced oven.
Step 1: Get a large bowl and add the musili and underwear.
Step 2: Pour in the purifies nachos and salt
Step 3: For god sake just add the rest!
Step 4: Mix everything together and when everything is combined, pull down your pants and fart in the bowl.
Step 5: Eat it and throw it up back into the bowl again.
Step 6. Dip in your nachos and enjoy.
[edit] Jim Carrey's Greasy Dish
Ingredients:
- 1 teaspoon of Jim Carrey's Special Brand Gruppa
- 80 Onions
- 10 Gumnuts and 100000000 Garlics
- 8 of Jim Carrey's Special Brand Grease Tablets mixed with shirt buttons
Preheat oven to 1 degree
Step 1: Mix all the shit together.
Step 2: Fart in the bowl
Step 3: Eat it all up
Bless you if you at least live for another hour or so.
Also Available in his book:
- Jim's Fingernail and cheese infused shit stir fry
- Yogo Pudding
- Ear Wax Honey
- Hairy Veg Soup
- Tadpole shit ice cream
- The Mask Brand Cheese
- Cable Cake
- Ace Gruel
- Shit Flavored Shit
- Shit Flavored Ass
- Shit Flavored Mask
This guy can't even make toast.
[edit] Later life
After a long career as a janitor in the White House, Jim moved with his wife to Canada where he will die of heartburn after eating too much bacon (2012).
Currently, Jim resides in an ice fortress in "Canada" monitoring hockey player's activities in their spare time via a tracking device in their pancreas. The fortress was made out of ice because Jim is currently broke having spent all of the millions he made from films on a series of 23 botched penile enhancement surgeries performed by noted penile specialist Howard Dean.
Jim enjoys maple syrup on his toes (a strange fetish of his) and taking short walks on his roof, whilst making love to Drew Barrymore's dog Michael Jackson.
Carrey is rumored to be interested in the upcoming film version of The Ashes. However he does not like cricket. Oh no. He love it. Yeah.
Carrey once teamed up with U.S. Marshall and Ultimate Law Enforcer Tommy Lee Jones in an attempt to kill batman.
Carrey is the biggest fan of the Blue Man Group.
