Jim Morrison
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“I am Jim Morrison!”
~ The Lizard King on Jim Morrison
“All Hail!”
~ Lizard on Jim Morrison
“I swear, I saw him the other day. ”
~ Oscar Wilde Jim Morrison
“That was Jim! Jim wrote that! Jim came down from the rooftop! The words, man, the words! Jim Morrison was a poet and he wrote the words! Hi, I'm Ray! Ray Manzarek! I play the piano!”
~ Ray Manzarek on Jim Morrison
Jim Morrison, often called an American poet, became famous through years of hard drinking, pot smoking, more drinking, and an impressionable young fanbase who think acting like an addict-philosopher-arse with a wang is neato.
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[edit] Biography
[edit] The Early Years
James “The WASP” Morrison was born in an banana County Suite at the End of the Night sometime during The Movie. He was raised by American Indians who taught him how to Light his Fire and summon ghosts with a Ghost Song, Jim shared the common belief of most poets that the American Indian People were Strange and had common beliefs in voodoo dolls. His acting Indian mother stayed where she belonged, in her Soul Kitchen and the bedroom.in an early interview morrison claimed he was raped by aliens in broad day light or was it the acid who knows
[edit] Career
He spent most of his early life travelling on a Crystal Ship where he was known to use Heroine with his three best friends Whiskey, Mystics and Men, the friends went on to form a band with well known pianist The Unknown Soldier. The band was named “The Wishful Sinful Stoned Group.” Had he been intelligent enough not to have drowned in his own bath (derp!) Jim Morrison would no doubt have gone on to discover the cure for cancer, stopped global warming, written more shit poems and beaten more women.
In 1970 Jim disappeared for a year to take some time off in his Spanish Caravan where he would often cooked Peace Frogs in his Soul Kitchen. Jim’s disappearance caused Strange Days for the family and friends he had left behind, his residence at Love Street was flogged to a Rider of a Storm.
Although he was traditionally a Backdoor Man, in the summer of ’65 Jim became involved with an L.A. Women after he propositioned “Hello, I Love you, Touch My penis on my Bird of Prey.” In turn, she Loved Him Madly, but found the relationship Challenging and on one of the couple’s Moonlit Drives she announced it was The End. Jim Morrison was only Loved Two Times by many. Jim was also a very expirienced hair dresser, often perming his own and other metro sexual's hair.
[edit] Death in Paris
It was only a Five to One shot that Jim Morrison would have died, unfortunately he left his bath taps Runnin’ Blue and as a fellow band member appropriately put it “The Music’s Over, show me the way to the next Whiskey Bar.” He was found dead on July 3, 1971 with his rubber duckies in his bathtub. He was discovered by Pamela Courson, whom proceeded to take a steaming monster dook on his chest before calling the authorities.
Contrary to popular belief Morrison is buried in Paris, where he is expected to Break on Through (to the other side) of the soil and go about his business.
His death might also have been the result of drinking enough to fill three of the five Great Lakes. Though a rumor has persisted his heart gave out after masturbating too hard, this probably comes from confusion with John F. Kennedy's method of avoiding assassination.
After his death, his poetry and music were not the only legacy to the world, but left a huge secret behind... A riddle? A puzzle?? A secret beloved one... (A Lebanese Chicka "Mireille Ghosn" AKA The Ashen Lady!)
With the death of Jim Morrison, there have been some Strange Days.
[edit] Trivia
- Athe and him spent a whole weekend in 1951 throwing bibles at schoolchildren.
- Once invited the Dead Indians living in his soul to the Queen's house for LSD and Gin.
- Both he and Jimmy Page founded "the baddest fuckers on the face of the earth club"
- Jim Morrison and Jimmy Page are the only people to ever belong to "the baddest fuckers on the face of the earth club"
- Wrote "Riders on the Storm" shortly after reading the September 1971 issue of Tow Times, the premier information source for the towing and recovery industry.
- Lost all the hair on his back in a sailing accident.
- Took jello shooters every night for three years in a row.
- Moved to Paris because there, unlike California, it was legal to rape children, dogs, chinchillas, and trees.
- Found early work as an anti-drug spokesman, visiting local middle and high schools to tell of the evils of drug use. Was fired after he came to a session high, tried to light a joint, and instead lit the teacher's hair on fire. The teacher then smacked him, and Morrison reacted by hitting her with a lead pipe, rendering her unconcious. The flame then spread from her hair to the building.
- Wrote and performed "Brown Eyed Girl" in 1967.
- Formed the Smiths in 1980.
- Is actually still alive and runs a Schlotsky's Deli in Lincoln, Nebraska.
- After Jim died Pamela burned the body and snorted his ashes, and then overdosed and died herself.
- Caused the Vietnam War by releasing The End, a song written after Morrison had visions of the future after a round of kitten huffing.
- Stuck to drinking solely alcohol after a developing a phobia of water (due to forcible hair removal via a sailing accident).
- Has somewhat of a cult following among tennis players in Altoona, PA. He is regarded among them higher than Jesus Christ and Chuck Norris.
- Has perpetuated an explosive diarrhea reality upon which Charles Manson reflects.
- Rather than taking time to purchase pregnancy tests, most young women can simply wait for Morrison to appear before them in a dream, clothed in white as the archangel Gabriel. That normally does the trick.
- Is wanted by the military and is notorious for calling high ranking officers and saying stuff like "You look tired, you should get some rest" before hanging up, causing some serious shit to hit the fan before he makes yet another escape. If you see this man call 1-800- Isawjimmorrisonandicantfuckingbelieveit.
