Jimmy Neutron
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“I invented everything, and he just took the credit for it.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Jimmy Neutron
Jimmy Neutron looking at naked men.
James Isaac Neutron, (Born December 31st, 1962), distant relative (son) of the infamous rockstar Jimi Hendrix, is a famous child movie star, mostly found in epic Sci-Fi movies. He has been whored out for many years by the fucking Nazi children's programming network, Nickelodeon, in his own television series The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, based off of his debut movie release Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. Jimmy Neutron is best known as the 2nd most hideous character to have ever appeared on Nickelodeon (1st place being a 3-way tie amongst the Presentators, who are so homely looking they can turn Medusa herself to stone).
His rivals are Spongebob Squarepants, Invader Zim, Ren & Stimpy, Doug, Rocko, Ickis, Arnold, Norbert and Dagget of the Angry Beavers, Dexter (for copyright infringement over the term "Boy Genius"), Al Qaeda, Naruto, Aaron Carter (Upon recent disagreements), Debi Derryberry (his claimed 'voice actor'), Marlon Brando, and George W. Bush. It has also been claimed that he has had epic action-packed battles with Leatherface in Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Jason Voorhees in Jason X.
Claims to be ten years old, Jimmy is within college level intelligence, thus explaining his neverending war against unintelligent twice-voted president in America, George Bush. He did go to college once, but after accidentally causing a scientific disaster causing the whole school to burn to the ground, killing all students, he was obviously expelled. After that, he became president of the universe. He has a dog named Goddard, named for the reason of the mechanical dog being thought of as a god, and so Jimmy worships his dog by bringing him practically everywhere with him. Although his dog is mentally retarded, though trying to pretend to be smart, Jimmy loves his dog. Jimmy has still yet to realize that his dog isn't an actual real living dog, and lives in denial. Goddard has a reputation as a hero for having destroyed Leader Dog in 2006 (even though Leader Dog cartoons are still known to attack viewers without warning during commercial breaks on the Nicktoons Network).
After his mother committed suicide through severe depression, Jimmy has used her dead, decaying body for experimentation and autopsy surgery. And his father did nothing whatsoever through this event, presumably not caring. However, Jimmy suspects that his father just MIGHT be turning into a cannibal. But the blood stains all over his clothes and face, and the dead animals he drags in, and takes down with him into the basement, are sure as hell not suspicious.But the bird shit stains sure are.
Jimmy has two drinking buddies he hangs out with all the time. One is a severely sensitive anti-everything freak, who has near death experiences from touching everything... better known as Carl. Also, Carl is sometimes mistaken for a 200 ton blue whale. One is a criminally insane homicidal maniac, willing to kill everyone who tries to steal his precious boyfriend, his Ultra-Lord doll. This boy is named Sheen.
Jimmy prides himself on teaching valuable and completely accurate science lessons to other children. Here are a few examples of his teachings:
- Despite the total lack of atmospheric gases in interstellar space, you can breathe and talk there just as easily as you can on Earth.
- Inanimate objects, such as pants, will develop advanced brainial capacity and megalomania if a computer chip is installed into them.
- Man-eating venus flytraps and spiders that are approximately 20 times the size of an average human exist in the wild.
- The space-time continuum can easily be manipulated to allow someone to travel backwards in time, proving that that Einstein dude's theory of relativity is completely full of shit.Just like jimmy's mom after goddard was finished with her.
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[edit] Early Life
When Jimmy was even an unborn fetus, it was already obvious that he would one day be something special. Jimmy was born in St. Luke's Hospital, and his head was so large, it made it harder for his mother to push him out of her vagina. Also, the doctors were too dumb to know what they were doing, and couldn't tell the difference between a penis and a vagina. They thought Jimmy was a girl, and called him Alexis. When they discovered his penis, they renamed him to James. His father, the child molestating retard, being the most embarressed of this mistake.
When Jimmy was about a toddler age, he found the cure for cancer, but because no one believed that a toddler could have done so, everyone decided to pretend he didn't and ignore him. Which is why people are still yet today trying to find the cure. Dumbasses.
In pre-school, Jimmy had a male teacher, who tried to attempt having sexual relations with him. However, when his mother found out, she filed a lawsuit against him, and won. This gave the family a hell of a lot of money, only to waste on a crappy suburban home. But it at least explains how the hell Jimmy has the equipment to make his inventions.
In kindergarten, Jimmy got his so-called "hair", which was actually someone's shit when he crawled into the toilets to try to look at Carl Wheezer's penis.
Jimmy was discovered by Nickelodeon, when they were on their weekly pick-up-some-random-person-off-the-street routine, and they decided that a big-headed boy genius was the most original cartoon idea ever.
When Jimmy was 11, he shot his grandmother, Cindy, Carl, Sheen, some guy and Nick Dean to death.
in case you didn't know my great great great grandfather Issac Newton invented pornography isn't it shocking what a lonely bastard.
[edit] Love Life
Jimmy has had past relationships with many different women. His most infamous relationship was with Cindy Vortex, a part-time dominatrix and a succubus young girl addicted to sadism. Jimmy was disgusted by her frighteningly stalker-like actions, as well as her abusive ways. However, instead of breaking up with her, Jimmy hit her on the back of the head with a shovel, then buried her underground.
Her friend Libby apparently found out about it... but she just said, "She was a bitch anyway," and walked off not telling anyone. Sheen, a bisexual, has been recently engaged with Libby. They plan to marry whenever they feel like it.
Jimmy's other ex-girlfriend was none other than Miss Jessica Simpson. At first, he just dated her because she was seemingly attractive and famous, but then he just got sick of her, realizing how dumb she really was. Like one time, they were supposed to meet at a restaurant for a date, but Jessica found her way into a sewer instead.
Obviously, this caused Jimmy to want a definite ending to this relationship. He broke up with her, before the "is this chicken or tuna incident?" luckily. Jimmy had traded her to Nick Lachey, for a pot of gold.
Another relationship Jimmy has been rumored of having, was with Hilary Duff. Jimmy was actually a big fan of her totally hardcore television show, Lizzie McGuire, or as the correct title, "Lezzie McQueer".
However, this caused the uproar for Aaron Carter. Aaron, whom was one of the pop-crap artists for Jimmy's soundtrack, had been enraged and jealous of this particular event. Aaron and Jimmy were friends, until this battle over the blonde rock- wannabe began.
Using swords and maces, Aaron and Jimmy had a battle to the death. Jimmy almost lost, without his trusty technology, but he kicked Aaron in the balls, causing him to fall into an empty abiss. He was never seen or heard from again. But no one remembered him anyway.
Jimmy stayed with Hilary for five hours after that fight, upon realizing how dumb Hilary herself also was. (Not as bad as Jessica, but really close.) Breaking up with her as well, he sold her to goth-prince lead singer of the most hardcore gothic punk band out there called Good Charlotte, known as Joel Madden. Joel and her have been together, even before Duff was even legal for him.
And let's not forget Jimmy's most interesting date. One night, he looked outside to see that a Biblical figure was standing in his backyard, somehow. He went down, to find that it was the infamous Virigin Mary, the woman who is magically the first virgin to still get pregnant, only because God said so. Jimmy was amazed at this, seeing the woman herself who gave birth to God's son, Mr. Ghetto Gangsta Jesus H. Christ. And so from that point on, Jimmy has given up the wonderous field of science that he worshipped religiously. In fact, he even ended his Athiest beliefs.
Jimmy is now a devout Christian, going everywhere with Virgin Mary, praying in several churches per day. This is a big change, considering how it was formerly rumored of Jimmy being a Satanist, and doing Satanic rituals, sacrificing goats. Jimmy now officially has no life.
[edit] Anime Debute
Back before Jimmy got his show on Nickelodeon and guest star appearances on Bill Nye the Science Guy, Jimmy went into Tokyo, Japan for a few years. He met up with some Japanese animator, and they began on their own action-packed, kickass, and scientifical action/comedy/romance anime, called Jimmy Neutron: The New James Bond. It is hard to find on even DVDs, these days, since the show was so underrated and hardly any bit known, it didn't make enough money to survive. However, on rare occasions, Adult Swim gets the compulsion to show it on their channel... when no one's watching their channel in that time period.
[edit] Music
Jimmy is also into the music business. Jimmy has now currently joined the Christian band My Chemical Romance, creating the new genre better known as Christian-emo. On that note, Jimmy has also turned into an emo kid. He slits his wrists regularly and writes fake Myspace suicide notes for sympathy.
Jimmy is the new bassist for MCR, as they had murdered the last one just to get him into the band. They are now working on a new album, available on Emo Jesus Records. The album is claimed to be called Razorblade Science.
Though Jimmy is best known for these achievements, his first foray into music was a rap album called "My Science Fo' Shizzle" that flopped hopelessly and sent several listeners into a coma.
[edit] MySpace
Jimmy is also none other than the creator of the infamous online hell, Myspace. Created to warp the minds of his fellow Christian-emos, it accidentally attracted the whole planet's most idiotic people to walk the face of the Earth. But it became a trend, and made him rich. Who cares?
Under the identity of 'Tom', with a fake photo ID, Jimmy adds every member automatically, as creator, even if they're a pedophile. In fact, that's how Jimmy found out his father was one.
Jimmy's job to be taken seriously on this site, is to basically pretend to be older than he actually is, so that people believe that he created the site. His age was listed around 21-120.
Myspace had also attracted none other than Satan, whom converted Jimmy to drop his Christian faith, and join him in the dark side. Together with Satan, his new boyfriend after dumping Virgin Mary, ruled over the eternal pit of hell... or Myspace. Emospace, Hellspace, same thing.
In fact, Jimmy and Satan had met over Myspace, and had talked over AIM in AOL slang for hours, realizing how much they really had in common. In fact, here's a segment of that exact conversation:
Neutron182: hi
DevilDaddy: ... hoo iz dis?
Neutron182: i saw ur myspace. i notcd we had a lot in commn.
DevilDaddy: o rly?
Neutron182: ya rly
DevilDaddy: lolz!
DevilDaddy: so
DevilDaddy: asl?
Neutron182: 10/m/california
Neutron182: u?
DevilDaddy: 85,234,567,789/m/hell
Neutron182: lolz rly?
DevilDaddy: ya rly
Neutron182: u sownd hawt
DevilDaddy: sam hr
Neutron182: do u lik siense?
DevilDaddy: only cuz itz agenst mai asshol brutha, god lol
Neutron182: kewl
DevilDaddy: r u into guys?
Neutron182: i usd 2 lik chiks, but dey all wr retrdd
DevilDaddy: LOL!
Neutron182: ROFL
DevilDaddy: roflmao
Neutron182: omfglolzbuttsecksroflmfaokk
DevilDaddy: hay
DevilDaddy: wanna cybr?
Neutron182: lol kk
DevilDaddy: just toking 2 u maks me horny
Neutron182: i neva hd asssex be4
DevilDaddy: den letz cyber, n den u tell me wre u liv lol
DevilDaddy: or u can cum ovr 2 mai place
DevilDaddy: ???
DevilDaddy: waddya say?
Neutron182: sur!!!!!11
FredtheDark: OLIOLIOLIOOOOOOOOOOO!
... Obviously, we're stopping here, since no one wants to read the conversation on Satan and Jimmy Neutron cybering.
[edit] Porn Star
To earn some money, since at the time Jimmy was broke due to no one wanting to pay him for his shitty science ideas, he decided to work in the porno business. He met up with director Quentin Tarantino, the one responsible for the sick, twisted porno-horror movies of today. They are currently working on a new movie called Dick Worm, and is set to be released into theatres this winter. The movie stars Jimmy, along with Jessica Beil, and is about a boy who is about to get laid with a hot chick he meets at a bar, and right after a whole half of the movie dedicated to nudity and sexual innuendo, it is revealed that the boy had unleashed the horror of the giant flesh eating dick worm. The film is obviously rated R, unless they want it to be even more underrated and in an NC-17 rating.
It is also heard that Jimmy makes a cameo in the movie Hostel, near the beginning of the movie getting laid by one of the chicks at the whore house.
[edit] War in Iraq
On 9/11, Jimmy had heard about what had happened, and had automatically realized that they were dealing with Afghanistan. Then Jimmy's arch rival, Bush, had decided to send America into war into Iraq to bring 'democracy' into Iraq. (Which in Bush language, is code for 'sodomy')
Jimmy kept trying to convince them otherwise, in fact even creating an organization against it. This organization, or cult, was called Shouting Highly Intelligent Townspeople, otherwise known as S.H.I.T. However, this failed to get any actual intelligent people to join, but only LSD addicted hippies.And Michael Jackson
Despite how he was against the war on terror and the president, Jimmy joined the military, where he was enlisted to help the soldiers in Iraq. However, he was rejected quickly when he only got shot in the leg, but only because they wanted to come up with a dumb excuse to get rid of him because of his large head.
After the war, Jimmy went back to Satan, and they settled down in Las Vegas, where they had illegal sex, illegal drugs, and illegal drinking.
[edit] Nickelodeon Mind Control
Herb Scannell, aka some dumbass who works at Nickelodeon and likes cancelling shows that are actually entertaining, was one day sitting in his office with his Spongebob sex toy/plushie and a cup of coffee, when suddenly Jimmy barged in on him. Spilling coffee all over his plushie, Herb fell to the floor in tears of emoness.
And after about an hour of this, finally Herb had stood back up, acting like nothing had happened, considering that he gave his Spongebob plushie to the Snuggle bear, whom raped the Spongebob doll with its furry l33t powers.
Jimmy had forced Herb, at gunpoint, to allow his show to stay on the air, along with Spongebob (Though Herb whored off of it too much to listen to the nuns who complained about the show's homosexuality displays), and instead make only sucky shows and add them to the Nickelodeon line-up. That way, Jimmy's television show would receive more views, since they'd be desperate for entertainment. Afterall, fucking gay shit over the years like Phineas & Ferb, and recently, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody are total FOR DA FAIL. Jimmy also used his hypno-ray to be able to convince the Nickelodeon staff to go along with his plan.
[edit] Nobel Prize
With Stephen Hawkings in second place, Jimmy had won the 2003 Nobel Prize award. However, this happened by total accident, due to some dumbass accidentally choosing him. Third place was a pebble.
[edit] The Sweet Life of Jimmy and Satan
Satan and Jimmy are currently living in a quiet, nice suburban home, in the outskirts of hell. Their hobbies include giggling over their favorite boy bands, and watching tragic soap opras like As the World Turns and Dragon Tales. They also love cooking burnt and disgustingly made cookies and muffins in their Easy Bake Oven, in their favorite shade of pink.
They both share the same master bedroom, with a huge, fluffy bed, for hot yaoi demon/human boy sex every night.
[edit] Contact
Here are a couple of ways to contact the celebrity boy genius himself:
AIM: Neutron182
MSN: jimmyplussatanequalssex@hotmail.com
Yahoo: ScienceBitch
And also his telephone number:
1-800-I-RAPE-SCIENCE
But please do remember that he is a very busy man, and it may be very hard to reach him. If you do, consider yourself a lucky bastard.
[edit] Trivia
- Jimmy created the television, toaster, microwave, and gerbil in 1666.
- Ashlee Simpson is a huge fan of Jimmy, and tried to strip for him once. Though her nose and fake boobs repulsed him.
- Satan and Jimmy are getting married in November.
- It is also rumored that Jimmy is now under male preg of Satan's baby.
- Cindy Vortex is rumored to be a lesbian and to have relations with Libbi.
- Carl Wheezer was just recently discovered to be a girl. No one knew before, since not even the doctors wanted to check. Jimmy found out by raping him after a fight with Satan, and was traumatized for a month.
- Sheen Estevez went to jail for 10 years for two convicted murders.
- Osama bin Laden and Jimmy are best pals that meet up to hang out at the lounge every Tuesday.
- After listening to some of Jimmy's scientific speeches, some children in his class got seizures, and died. He was sent to jail for 55 years because of this.
- Tom Brady, from "A Sweet but Sour Death of iMac or Tom Brady" is one of Jimmy's ex-boyfriends. Their child, ProBi, is a porn star.
- Jimmy killed all of his friends, under Satan's request, and buried them underground, along with Cindy.
[edit] See also
Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Amor═╤═Gaea │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┴────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Tom Cruise Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley │ │ ...And you... │ ┌────┴─────┐ │ Diabeetis Meow Mix cheating