Jimbo Wales
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Minitrue mark article doubleplusgoodthink. Miniluv make goodthink fullwise.
- This article may have something to do with The lore and faerie tale of Wikiland and its noble and majestik King Jimbo I. Then again, it might not. Who knows?"
“Bow before your Fearless Leader!”
~ Jimbo Wales on himself
“I gave him a small penis after he reverted my entries.”
~ God on Jimbo Wales
“Imagine a world where every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. I expect this to occur next year, barring unforseen — what are you staring at, punk? You actually think you could take my idealistic ass? I'd like to see you try.”
“We make internet access to porn not suck”
~ Jimmy Wales on "www.Bomis.com," his adult internet search engine.
“He is worser and stupider than Miley Cyrus”
~ Lindsay Lohan on Jimbo Wales
“I trained this son-of-a-bitch myself. GIMMIE 10,000 Push-ups you motherfucking maggots!”
His Most Imperial Majesty Dear Leader Jimbo Wales, Prince of the United States is a well-known huckster, con-man and dictator of Wikiland, who has adopted a lifestyle of libertinage, debauchery, nudism, international travel, kitten huffing and Ferrari connoisseurship by standing on the shoulders of a million nerds. In confirmation of Godwin's Law he has been compared to Hitler. Jumbo Whales Jimbo Wales simply describes himself as a "rockstar, but without the sex and drugs"[1]. He is a high-ranking member both of the GNAA ,NAMBLA and among the leaders of the Sicilian Mafia, and frequently trolls the satirical "encyclopedia" Wikipedia as part of his official duties. He is well known for his amusing stunts which unfortunately do not succeed in being funny without being stupid. These include editing his own biography to pretend that he actually came up with the whole idea, and accusing people of killing JFK and Gerald Ford. His account has been locked thricewise and twain for vandalism and replacing entire pages with the phrase TROLLS AER THE 13347 several hundred times. His most memorable vandalism was his repeated claim on the Wikipedia page for Uncyclopedia that Uncyclopedia was, in fact, a parody site of Wikipedia. Even though, in fact, it is the other way around, Jones imprinted some kind of malicious code on the edit page, locking the statement in place for all to see. For a brief time, he was thought to have been directly involved in the Kennedy assassinations of both John, and his brother, John 2.0. Nothing was ever proven.
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[edit] Early Life and Childhood
Jimmy was born and raised in the Huntsville, Texas state prison. His father worked as a jizz mopper in a nudie booth. His mother and grandmother operated a tiny brothel called the "House of Learning," which Wales and his three siblings learned sexual positions. On the playground is where he spent most of his days, chilling out maxing, relaxing all cool, and shooting some basketball outside of the school. When a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started making trouble in his neighborhood. Jimmy was beaten and sodomized repeatedly by these troublemakers. Jimmy's mom said, 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air', but they were repulsed by Jimmy and refused to take him in. During his late childhood years, he also developed an obsession with Lycra bike pants. It became such an obsession that one day while riding in a school bike ride , there was so much friction that the pants caught on fire, burning both his groins.
Shunned, teary-eyed, crippled (both emotionally and anally), he ran home and hid in his room, crying for hours, writing in his diary, seeing that his tears were washing away the ink in his diary. He tried going on the computer to cheer him up, but all the websites he found was just his quote-unquote "friends" going on about how he sucked so bad. And so he thought, "If only there was some way to change what it said on the Internet. To—dare I say it?—edit it!" And so, he created Wikipedia, the Internet's second free-content editable encyclopedia.
Then he was sued for plagiarism from Nupedia. They would've won, if not for the fact that Nupedia fell into a wormhole, and everyone forgot about it, forever. Wikipedia went on to be second only to Uncyclopedia in popularity and awesomeness, due to its annoying habit of having articles that are just useless, nonsensical crap.
[edit] Lonely teenage years
Prior to entering the dubious online encyclopedia industry, Wales made his first fortune in gay pornography. He cofounded Hustler magazine with Larry "Sanger" Flynt, but eventually left to pursue his dream of an online gay pornographic resource that would be free and to which contributions could be made by anyone. "Flynt" has since disavowed any claims of Jimbo's to a role in Hustler, and Jimbo considers this defeat too embarrassing to admit -- hence discussion of it is banned on Wikipedia. He later became a Wikipedophile and also pedophile.
He took to disco dancing in local clubs when he ran out of things to do, and joined his local hopscotch team, not realizing that he would become national director of the World Hopscotch Committy, (WHC) in 20 years time.
Next, Jimmy Wales started Bomis.com, an erotic directory for young males too timid or too Google-illiterate to find real porn on the internet. This aspect of Wales's past is considered a roadblock to his aspirations for global political
Jimbo lets the world and the IRS think that Wikipedia is a legit 503(c)3 tax exempt foundation, when in fact the organization or "outfit" is a front to funnel money to Jimmy directly, which he spends, whoring, gambling and otherwise humping the known and unknown world. Jimbo used to think that the Wikimedia Foundation was his own personal bank account. The donations from Des Moines and the Hague, all went to Jimbo's various and sundry travel expenses, some times 2 bucks at a time. A kitten huffing orgy with Elian, a fancy dinner there, a threesome with Osama bin Laden and Jenna Jamison, etc. until the debt he racked up to the foundation accumulated to the 100s of thousand of dollars. This is the kind of impropriety that would take down someone who worked for a real company. And, let's just say that Jimbo had to be threatened with exposure (not the sexual sort, mind you), before he paid what was pwed. His credit card was taken away, making him cry like a girl, never to be given back to him again.
His mortal enemy- (might be good to try and contact) Larry Sanger, born Lawrence Mark Sanger July 16, 1968 in Bellevue, Washington and raised in Anchorage, Alaska, was employed by Jimmy Wales with Bomis, founder of Nupedia and Wikipedia, as Editor-in-Chief of Nupedia. Sanger is widely considered the co-founder of Wikipedia alongside Wales; however, Wales rejects crediting Sanger with the honorary appellation, instead preferring to describe Sanger's role as "the office sea monkey".
[edit] Struggle with Obesity and Subway™ Diet
Though a small child, Jimbo found food as an escape from the degenerate lifestyle he reveled in during his teenage years and by age twenty weighed 160 kilograms. At age thirty-five, however, he reduced his mass to 160 pounds upon converting to evangelical Christianity and eating a sandwich-only diet.
[edit] The Rules Larry Sanger gave to Jimbo
| The first rule of Wikipedia is - you do not talk about Wikipedia. The second rule of Wikipedia is you do not talk about Wikipedia. Third rule of Wikipedia, someone yells 'stop', goes limp, taps out, the edit is over. Fourth rule, only two guys to a edit. Fifth rule, one edit at a time, fellas. Sixth rule, no vandalism, no bots. Seventh rule, edits will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first night at Wikipedia, you have to edit. | ||
| —Jimbo Wales, Wikimania 06 | ||
[edit] How Jimbo Went From a Porn Search Engine to Creating the Ultimate Communist Revolution
The journey was long and hard. Jimbo did not stop... well, he had to stop, to jack-off to the porn found from his own search engine, but besides that, he did not stop.
[edit] Love Life with Wikipe-tan.
- Main article: UnBooks:Jimbo's Love Life: The Story of Wikipe-tan
"I just can't stand it. When I see 'her' I can only grit my teeth and clench my fists as hard as I can from jumping out and screaming "I love you!" at the top of my lungs. I literally have to bite down on my tongue, sometimes until it bleeds or else I'll lose control and caress 'her' with kisses until the end of the world. 'She' is just so beautiful. Not in that super model barbie doll way. 'She' is legitimately beautiful. The super models put on make up and dress up and get air brushed so they can look like 'her'. 'She' doesn't need that shit, 'she' is wonderful on 'her' own." And he thinks that blue hair is so cool. And her chest is so nice and flat.
[edit] Pointless adult life
After being introduced to the concept of a wiki, Sanger proposed applying it to an encyclopedia. His proposition to Wales directly led to the setup of the website. Sanger was the only paid? (he is owed $$$ millions by Jimbo who ripped Sanger off in a stock swindle and dirty needle exchange program) editor of Wikipedia, a status he held from January 15, 2001, until his resignation on March 1, 2002. Sanger received his B.A. in philosophy from Reed College in 1991 and Ph.D. in philosophy from Ohio State University in 2000. His doctoral thesis concerned Epistemic Circularity: An Essay on the Problem of Meta-Justification. Just so you'll know that WE are better investigators than any of the Bullshido clowns, LOL
In his spare time he just loves to be naked and stroking. He thinks it feels good and every time he wears clothes it makes him itch and wish he was a dolphin.
He has a small black beard, filled with crab lice.
It should be noted, that as a divorced peeress, he is styled Jimbo, Princess of Wales and not Princess Jimbo, as is the form prevalent in the media, which is reserved for princesses by birth. Also, he is not entitled to the style of His self-Righteous Highness (HRH).
On September 11, 2001, Jimbo and an unamed manatee gave birth to a baby, which he aptly named Jimbo Wales Jr.
[edit] The Cult of Jimbo
Wikipedophiles look to His Holiness Jimbo Wales as a Divine Being, who rallied nerds from attics and basements of world suburbia in a unified community. Devout wikipedophiles will frequently take a break from arguing succinctly on Pokémon and anarchy Talk Pages to worship His Lord and Master, Creator of All and Font of All Knowledge.
Offerings of contributions must be made to His Lordship Jimbo Wales, usually in the form of fondling His privates on the article dedicated to Him. The Truly Inspired will be gifted with Knowledge from the Source and go on to create beautiful articles about Soul Calibur characters and documented uses of the Wilhelm Scream in every movie since Them! (1954).
The hierarchy of the Cult of Jimbo is simple: at the very top is His Godhead Jimbo Wales, followed by the Liberal Cabal of Wikipedia and the Wikipedian Jewish Alliance. At the bottom are the squirming masses of Wikipedophiles, continually improving articles on Star Wars characters and ritually pleasuring themselves to WikiCommon's gallery of women's lingerie.
[edit] Powers
Jimbo Wales is a semi-sentient being whose power and ego are directly proportional to the number of Wikipedia articles in existence, hence the reasoning behind his cult's dedication to documenting every single person, object, and idea in existence. As Wikipedia's size increases, so does Wales' manhood. Eventually, he will poke all our eyes out with it -- ironic, considering hysterical blindness is one of several known side effects of spending too much time on Wikipedia.
Jimbo claims to be running Wikipedia for the benefit of children in Africa, but the truth is, nothing could please Jimbo more than an African child served with his morning coffee. Jimbo adds +1 to his Natural Defence for every five African children consumed. Jimbo also gains +1 Spell Power for every three Asian children devoured.
Jimbo is also so powerful that he sodomises anyone, and they like it.
Jimbo is also completely immune to all known laws, and often uses this for recreational purposes. Often, Jimbo hunts Encyclopædia Britannica founders in busy cities with railguns he designed himself while they attempt to escape the city with a bag of money. This practice was stopped however, when the World Law wiki was vandalised to change this law to a more ludicrous one which enforced that jimbo had to wear clothes which were not bought from a lumber catalog. Also, his super powers were revoked after he was found vandalising the causality of space-time to include the Jimbon particle.
An avowed warning - his real purpose is to solicit funds from drunk people who think that they found out something useful by visiting his site, a mathematical impossibility. Unfortunately, alcohol retards the math functions the same way it does for judging physical appearance. So similarly, don't browse Wikipedia in a badly lit disco.
One of Jimbo's main powers is to turn himself into a dog for five years. He did this once after becoming sad about how everybody thought (and knew) that he was an extreme nerd. After he turned into a dog, he created Wikipedia, the worlds worst free online encyclopedia.
[edit] Did You Know?
n00-bok3rz
- Jimba Wales had his first transgender experience at age 24.
- Jimbo Wales was recently involved in this scandal.
- Jimbo Wales does NOT know it all.
- Jimbo Wales (also known as Jimbo X) holds the world record for most suckas capped.
- Jimbo Wales believes everything he thinks and reads.
- Jimbo Wales has never seen a horse like the Tennessee Stud.
- Jimbo Wales means "I am a wannabe thats loves men" in Japanese.
- Jimbo Wales is a pedant.[citation needed]
- Jimbo Wales is a neo-nazi.
- Jimbo Wales lets it ride on red.
- Jimbo Wales sees you and raises you ten.
- Jimbo Wales hits on sixteen and stays on seventeen.
- Jimbo Wales has never known the touch of a woman without leprosy.
- Jimbo Wales masturbates frequently to snuff films.
- Jimbo Wales loves the cock with his cat.
- Jimbo Wales can give himself a blowjob.
- Jimbo Wales holds the world record of downloading the most gay porn.
- Jimbo Wales is related to Stalin, and believes in communism.
- Jimbo Wales once did the tango with the Devil.
- Jimbo Wales is a personal friend of Rasputin’s Penis.
- Jimbo Wales sleeps in the nude, preferring to "air his privates" at night.
- Jimbo Wales killed the dinosaurs after touching himself at night
- If you say "Jimbo Wales" 3 times while looking in the mirror, you will suffer from impotence, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation for the rest of your life.
- Jimbo Wales was involved in the assassination of JFK and later lived in Soviet Russia, where he was officially declared a Ruskie by pro wrestlers everywhere.
- Jimbo Wales is the name of a county in the Southern United States, where a different citizen (unknown to him) is allowed to kill John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy EVERY DAY.
- JIMBO IS WATCHING YOU ON WHEELS!
- Jimbo Wales is Hitler.
- In September 2005, Jimbo Wales was arrested in Norway for possession of a controlled substance. That is because possession of clothespins is illegal in Norway.
- Jimbo Wales has been allegedly been having sexual encounters with Rob Schnieder since he was a child.
- Jimbo Wales murdered Elvis Presley
- Jimbo Wales tried to blow up a cat by shoving a grenade in its anus in 2004
- Jimbo Wales should not be confused with the Prince of Wales or with Perincess Dianna.
It should be noted that notorious vandal Willy On Wheels is, in fact, Jimbo Wales vandalizing pages out of boredom and blaming it on others; he considers it a test of loyalty for his disciples.
[edit] Extra Facts
- Jimbo Wales banned me from Bomis because I accidentally deleted 100s of rings, due to my inexperience as a JAVA programmer and flaws in Bomis. Regardless of this, bomis.com should not stop Jimmy from a political career because although Bomis only leads users to pics that a teenager would not even blink an eyelid over, it was a cool idea.
- Jimbo Wales is just Waiting to get you.
- Charlotte Church comes from (Jimbo) Wales.
- Jimbo Wales has no pr0n collection. Instead, he routinely visits the article written about Him and His Holy Achievements.
- Saying the name "Jimbo" should make you feel stupid. And your IQ goes down every single time...
- Joined the Mesler Sisters gang while disguised as Kristen Beasly, a former Clarenceville High School student. Alongside of that, he contributed information about the gang members to Wikipedia due to the infamy of the gang.
- Addresses himself in third person E.G. Jimbo really wants a turkey sandwich.
- IQ is believed to be between -30 and 40.
- Pees expired gorilla milk.
- Jimbo Wales can punch his fist through the chest of a yak.
- All of the Pharaohs were in fact Jimbo Wales using a selection of false beards and chins.
- Only known person in the entire galaxy to be born with two anuses.
- Banned in China for being a douchebag.
- Enjoys painting his scrotum purple.
- Goes to Antarctica to buy illegal drugs
- Has green nipples from rubbing monkey crap on them
- Jim = God
- Eats hickory-smoked horse buttholes from a cup
- Once guest-hosted Saturday Night Live after tearing the skin off of Steve Martin.
- Owns 14 DVD copies of the movie Christmas With The Kranks.
- Drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Set himself on fire in 2003 to see how long it would take someone to notice (2 years).
- Will only eat while blindfolded.
- Prefers Tom over Jerry.
- Sleeps in a coffin with pictures of zebras painted on the inside.
- Knows the entire Klingon alphabet.
- Holds the world record for "Longest Amount Of Time Browsing Wikipedia" (34 days, 14 hours, 16 minutes 2 seconds).
- Tried out for, but was rejected, as a cast member on The View.
- Can juggle knives, but only when drunk.
- Can fit two fists in his anus.
- He became pregnant with the child of Michael Jackson in 2004. The baby popped out 9 months later. He called it Pedro, and licensed it under GPL. Later, it became a leading role in Napoleon Dynamite.
- Jimbo can actually curdle a man's blood by staring at him.
- Jimbo is a fan of glamour photography, but not child glamour photography.
- Jimbo Wales is the only known human to be proven to have lucid dreams. We know it's true because he said so.
- Jimbo invented hardcore porn by accident.
- Poops toothpaste.
- The sound of one Jimbo clapping is "fap."
- Is the mastermind behind 9/11. He is also responsible for another disaster, Gigli.
- He once got jumped by a gang of rabid Eagle Talons.
- And he seems to be quite a nice guy
[edit] Feud with Bowser Koopa and Death
It is a known fact that Bowser Koopa, Jimbo Wales, and Vince McMahon were the puppet masters behind the Bush administration as a ploy to get one of them in the White House so they could threaten to nuke the world in they did not recognise them as the overlords of the world. Bowser became the one scheduled to become world leader after Jimbo Wales made a bet that Richard Simmons would turn straight (which goes to show how smart he is) and of course lost. Jimbo then got to be scheduled Vice President after he promised McMahon that if McMahon took the Secretary of Defense chair, he could hire a bunch of small-brained bitches to help him. McMahon took it in a heartbeat. However, Bowser Koopa, due to Bush's mistake of molesting a child, started revealing the truth on Wales's website, Wikipedia, in order to help jump start his campaign. Wales thought that it was too soon and could ruin everything, so he blocked Bowser's account. Furious, Bowser made several accounts and began spreading the world's truths in order to make Wales appear as a traitor to the Axis of Evil. Wales eventually found all of them and blocked them as well as Bowser's IP address for 6 months. Bowser later discovered Uncyclopedia, the enemy of Wikipedia, and began helping spread the truth about Wales's involvement in the Bush administration while hiding his own. The Axis of Evil spread into two parts, those on Jimbo's side and those on Bowser's side. However, Jimbo Wales trusted ally Bert with information on his location, which turned out to be a mistake, since after several years on the run from the FBI, Bert was finally captured while trying to order child pornography. Bert, after several hours of torture, gave up Wales's location. Wales and his crew heard of this beforehand, but were unable to escape before the FBI showed up. Wales committed suicide while the other Axis of evil members there, including Oprah, Lex Luthor, the Burger King along with several others were gunned down by the feds. However, Bowser is still at large, and with Wales's death along with other high ranking members he had become the new leader of the Axis of Evil. However Wales currently placed David Spade in charge of Wikipedia, but Spade poses as Wales. Wales's body was chopped up and fed to The Big Show Paul Wight. Jimmy Wales got 8 out of 10 on "The Chaser's War on Everything."
[edit] Toys
- Jimbo Wales (Hasbro, 1999)
As part of their Beast Wars toyline, Hasbro released a transformable toy of Jimbo, that could transform into the Wikipedia Monster, with "firing link missiles, and Wiki blaster. Despite these features, it did not go down well with children and was eventually recalled by Hasbro due to "boringness".
“I don't know what we were thinking... Why did we make a freaking toy of Jimbo Wales?”
~ Hasbro employee on the ill-fated Jimbo Wales toy
[edit] See also
- Jimbo, Wales.
- Jimbo Whales
- User:Jimbo Wales
- Sockpuppet
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Douchebag
- Interstate 4
- Moron
- Jimbo's ex-gf
- Adolf Hitler
- Wikipedia
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