Jobs
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“Jobs are the curse of the working classes. I'm a lazy aristocrat, I don't need a fucking jobs.”
~ Oscar Wilde on jobs
“jobs are god's way of saying fuck you”
~ some guy on jobs
Contents |
[edit] Etymology
The word "jobs" is a biblical word; the 'Book of Jobs' is a story about a man, who, after incurring the 1337 wrath of God, was forced to get up off his ass and actually do some work. The man's name was Jobs, and as further punishment from that point on work was referred to as a 'jobs'. It appears to be from the Hebrew "jhobbs", a rare word meaning fellatio.
[edit] Jobs in today's society
Contrary to popular belief, no one actually does any work whilst at their jobs. They normally avoid doing work by taking coffee breaks, surfing the internet for pr0n, masturbating in the toilets and reading glossy magazines. Jobs are essentially day-care centres for adults, so that children have a place to leave their parents from nine am to five pm so they can get on with their lives without having to worry about them.
[edit] Common jobs
- Midget tosser
- Pornographer
- Kitten Huffer
- Maker-upper of Oscar Wilde quotes
- Cheese Hunter
- Breast Inspector (see FBI)
- Turnip farmer
- Writer of childish articles for online websites that are supposed to be funny but in practise aren't
- Pricing Analyst
- Red Shirt (common in the sense that the job is usually open again ten seconds after someone's hired.)
[edit] History
The history of jobs is a boring, long at repeatetive history, so I will do my best to keep it bearable.
History of Jobs in 7 1/6 lines. WARNING! NOT FOR THE EASILY BORED!
In the times when the Romans still whatched people kill each other for fun, the main jobs were: be in the army (good); go into agriculture (good); die so that another suicide idiot can live for another day (bad); and being a priest (depends). By world war two, we still had "Join the Army", "Be a Farmer", and "Control Trafic", but dying for another poor sod was gone. Hurray! Though, we have to add some more items! Work for cadburys (good); be an MP (bad) and join the airforce (bad) or navy (good). For tunatly, the population had increases since CE 100, so we had enogh people to fill in all the good/bad job titles on offer. But, recently, a new, more inportant job has been born. Here's a clue - American's are never slacing of work - yeah, thats right, poloute the atmosphere more than your neighbour. But you see, the French don't even know about this crazy, and pointless joke of a job. Thats why they have there own, private ideas. One is working at your own risk to keep a rod of Uranium burning to generate fuel. For the more, pedantic of you. I will explain in rough. Working in a nuclear power-plant. If it was an otter waste of time reading this, good for you. If it wasn't, well, I should get a GP round your house fairly soon, and you can blame the guy who strung the letters "J", "O" and "B" together in the first place.
