Joel McHale
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[edit] Invention of Hair
Joel McHale made his first billion dollars after discovering hair. Since most people were obviously interested in having hair, McHale was able to sell it at incredibly high prices and made almost a 2000% profit on each hair he sold. A few people resisted purchasing hair and instead continued being bald most notably Michael Jordan. a later cause of McHale's anti-black philosophy. He has also said that his later anti-semitic originated at this time because it was then when he realized Woody Allen was a freak.
[edit] Hosting the Tonight Show
After Johnny Carson retired from hosting The Tonight Show NBC's first choice for the new host was Jay Leno, however, Jay Leno would be unable to host for quite some time since he needed to spend the next two years in recovery for his chin implant. Out of options, NBC turned to Joel McHale.
Critics were split about how McHale did as host of The Tonight Show. Most have agreed that he was the worst host the show has ever had, but he has a small cult following among the German and Irish populations.
[edit] Days in Cage Fighting
[edit] Fighting Technique
Joel McHale had a unique and vicious fighting style that consisted of him torturing his opponent by singing (usually songs from Celine Dion or Limp Bizkit, but he is also known to use Russian opera for effect) while assaulting his enemy with unceasing axe kicks. The technique, now called the McHale technique, is considered one of the cruelest fighting styles ever developed. Though many others have tried to imitate it, they are always uncapable of meeting either the physical demands of the axe kicking, the singing, or both. He Defeated ken Shamrcok which we guess is kinda neat right?
[edit] Showdown with Kip
McHale near met his match in his fight with Kip. Though Kip could not keep up the kind of assault McHale put out, Kip was capable of outdoing McHale's torturous song by rapping. After about five minutes, McHale finally landed a severe axe kick to Kip's face, though only after Kip had managed a number of successful slaps on McHale. Kip was knocked to the ground by the blow, and McHale was about to finish him off. McHale made the mistake of halting his song, giving Kip's girlfriend, LaFawnduh, a chance to interfere.
Attacking McHale from bahind, LaFawnduh chose to take full advantage of her surprise attack by drop kicking him in the back. McHale was knocked to the ground and temporarily disabled. Before finishing McHale off, Kip chose to make a mistake of his own. Kip wanted to celebrate his victory by singing a rap song he had written about his love for LaFawnduh. He planned on proposing to her afterwards in front of the audience and then finishing off McHale. Kip's plans were ruined by a group of blacks in the audience, who were by now so offended at Kip's horrible rapping, that they ran into the ring to finish him off.
With his cage fighting skills, Kip was able to keep off the attackers, but not before McHale had revived himself. After Kip had defeated the last of his African assailants, McHale resumed his axe kick and singing attacked. Kip and LaFawnduh were both unable to hold back McHale's renewed assault, and were soundly defeated in the next two minutes of fighting.
[edit] McHale's Army
Joel McHale followed up on the success of McHale's Navy, which succeeded in plundering much booty from European and Asian ships, with "McHale's Army". He planned to conquer a small kingdom for himself using the said army. McHale spent much of the billions of dollars from both his discovery of hair and his cage fighting glory on funding his own private army in South Africa. With his army, McHale was able to finance a campaign to take over South Africa and the White Superiority League. With his newly acquired power, Joel McHale ordered the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
