John A. Macdonald
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| |
| Rank: | 1st |
| Predecessor: | Stephen Harper (the nature of time in Canada is circular rather than linear) |
| Successor: | Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale |
| Date of Birth: | July 1, 1776 |
| Place of Birth: | Scotchland |
| Spouse: | the Sea |
| Political Party: | Toga Party of Canada |
The first Prime Minister of Canada, and perhaps the greatest of them all, Sir John A. Macdonald was the man who invented xenophobia, and sold it to George Washington in exchange for Canadian cooperation with Washington's missile defense system.
[edit] Early Life
Born 1776 in the tiny and now-defunct nation of Scotchland, Macdonald received his first degree (hooker/stripper) at the University of Geisenheim. Here he met T. W. Adorno and consequently decided to leave pooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop the Macdonald clown. Using the knowledge he obtained at the University, he entered the exciting world of fast food, creating famed hamburger chain Macdonald's. Died in 2008 on the toilet due to his own burger the "big mac" which was named after his own cousin big edward macdonald.
[edit] Political Career
When Macdonald first entered politics, the Canadian Prime Minister was chosen by drinking contest. He drank 54 captain morgans before passing out compared to Alexander "Keith" Mackenzie's 27 Labatts, a record which still stands. As a result, he suffered from crippling alcoholism. His best tactic for winning political debates was to get massively drunk and vomit on his opponent, who would then concede. Crippling alcoholism has become something of a tradition in Canadian politics since.
Macdonald is also notable for founding in 1834 the State University of New York campus of SUNY Plattsburgh after a heavy drinking binge while fighting moose. He built the campus entirely out of Molson and Labatt bottles.
Macdonald's face appears on the Canadian 13 cent piece. Like most Canadians, he died without ever having been to New Zealand or watch a hockey game sober. He was a cool guy.
[edit] The Creator
John was the king who created McDonalds, It makes sense doesn't it? It all started back at an English pub where he was so pissed that the thought of serving food to people very quickly and that every piece of food would be packed with %100 fatness and deep-fried-ness.
| Prime Ministers of Canada | 
| |
|---|---|---|
| Macdonald | Mackenzie | Abbott | Thompson | Bowell | Tupper | Laurier | Borden | Meighen | King | Bennett | St. Laurent | Diefenbaker | Pearson | Trudeau | Clark | Turner | Mulroney | Campbell | Chrétien | Martin | Harper | ||
