John O'Reilly
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John O'Reilly is a being originally from the Fifth Dimension, a world beyond the world known to Oscar Wilde. He is the head of the Fifth Dimension Pantheon and is commonly referred to as a God of Death, Darkness, Destiny, Dinosaurs, Dragons, Demons, Driving, Demands, and Monkeys,as well as a number of other unknown powers. He is also the de facto God of Wisdom due to the sole fact that he is the only one who is willing to sit in the dark for hours on end and contemplate the universe.
It is not unusual for deities from the Fifth Dimension to have several titles and domains, as it is in their nature to disobey the laws of reality, gravity, realty, gravy, and the municipalities of several thousand cities world-wide (in our world, not their world; they make all the laws in their world)
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[edit] Birth
John O'Reilly was conceived one dark and stormy night in the middle of March Break. Later that year, his soul was bound to the Fifth Dimension where it manifested into a complete God. The God developed with the human, gaining a new power with each year of human life. Though a majority of these begin with the letter D, he gained the powers of Monkeys on his human counterpart's 16th birthday, which allows him to rule those who resemble monkeys. This allows him to control human beings.
[edit] Rise to Power
After gaining the power of Destiny, John O'Reilly saw his future as the head of the Fifth Dimension Pantheon. To achieve this, he waited until he had the power of Dimensions to travel throughout time and space to gain the five most powerful weapons known to mankind (and five hither-to unknown to mankind).
At some unspecified point during this quest, he encountered fellow God of the Fifth Dimension Tim Olley and decided to create a pantheon (as was his destiny). He later gathered the other members, most of whom are currently unknown (only the three are known widely; John O'Reilly, Tim Olley, and Whatever girl John O'Reilly is banging).
[edit] Political Position
Like any god of the Fifth Dimension, John O'Reilly takes several important positions on several important issues. For example, he supports several members of the Axis of Evil while simultaneously actively attacking others in an effort to destroy the unity of organized crime and general evil-doing. He is also strongly against the consumption of drugs, not to mention Kitten Huffing. He is also capable of loving small children and cats at the command of the Goddess of Small Cute Things
He also feels beautiful virgins be put to work immediately, as the paradox is otherwise unbearable (see below)
[edit] His One Weakness
John O'Reilly has only one weakness which, if it were ever used against him, would leave him completely incapable of fighting back. This is unknown to any in the Fifth Dimension except for John O'Reilly (the almighty) his (almighty) self. His one weakness is known only by Stephen Doherty. Only he is capable of counteracting Johns vast power. He is otherwise invincible, as he can fight even the charms of the most beautiful female of his species (divine creature of the Fifth Dimension spawned as a result of a 1 in a trillion year event occurring on August 19, 1989 Earth Time connected to a human being and ruler of at least one universe) for as long as two minutes and seven seconds (after which he is left broken for months on end, but is subsequently even harder to kill or defeat as he exists on the thin line between victory and defeat during his long funk)
[edit] List of Powers
John O'Reilly has a number of powers and abilities, some of which are shared with others in the pantheon.
- God of Diapers
- As an one-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to seal things in hyper-absorbant cotton barriers
- God of Determination
- As a two-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to continue towards a goal without being stopeed by any force below that of a more powerful God (none of which exist in the Fifth Dimension)
- God of Dreams
- As a three-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to imagine anything. He is also a prominent figure in the dreams of his followers, who turn to him for inspiration and recognition
- God of Divinitation
- As a four-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to predict the future through otherwise unconnected circumstances and objects. As such, he is worshipped when someone in the Fifth Dimension wants to know which lottery ticket will win
- God of Destiny
- God of Disappearance
- As a six-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to disappear into thin air. However, though he is a god, this power took countless years to perfect. Due to the Fifth Dimension's existence beyond time, though, this took six hundred and sixty-six minutes Oscar Wilde time
- God of Deception
- As a seven-year-old, John O'Reilly learnt how to lie without grinning like a moron. This power is as of yet unmastered, and is restricted to when he has done something particularly bad
- God of Dimensions
- As an eight-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to travel throughout the worlds and dimensions at will (dimensions are 1D, 2D, 3D, etc., while worlds are different and alternate universes)
- God of Distractions
- As a nine-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to make people hear noises and make them see slight motions from the corner of their eyes. For this, he is worshipped by petty thieves who hope for distractions to their victims (which turns out badly for them, as he bestows his powers of Distraction upon them, keeping them from pulling off a heist properly)
- God of Death
- As a ten-year-old, John O'Reilly gained a connection to the worlds of the dead. He sometimes acts as gatekeeper, keeping the gate closed to those who want to enter before their time or leave after it (according to his power of Destiny; he 'conveniently' leaves the front door open when heroes intend to go on some noble quest). Otherwise, he makes peace with departed spirits and brings them to their respective realm.
- God of Dinosaurs
- As an eleven-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to mutate seemingly normal animals into ancient reptiles. These transformations are only temporary, however. These dinosaurs occasionally go on rampages, killing anywhere from ten to ten thousand innocent people (depending on where they are released; guilty people are not counted in this figure)
- God of Dragons
- As a twelve-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to mutate somewhat less normal animals into reptiles who can fly, breathe fire, and occasionally rule entire empires independently. However, very few of these are stable enough to survive; the severe mutation is much more dangerous to the subject, and the return to their normal state is fatal. Only in rare occasions does the newly created creature maintain its form long enough to make the change permanent; only one so far has done so, and now waits in the realm of the dead hoping to consume anyone who dies.
- God of Demands
- As a thirteen-year-old, John O'Reilly became the God of Demands. No one really cares about this, as whenever it is mentioned, he demands ten beautiful virgins as workers in his soon-to-be-built luxurious Palace of the Gods.
- God of Demons
- As a fourteen-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to summon demons from other worlds, as well as send them back. Theoretically, he can transform creatures into demons, but as humans would be the only ones vulnerable to this (he holds the opinion that humans are the weirdest creatures of all), he is restricted from doing so by the Goddess of Humanity.
- God of Darkness
- As a fifteen-year-old, John O'Reilly had his first exposure to the true nature of Darkness. Since then, he has begun to enjoy the power of the dark side. His ultimate goal on this path is to have his hand cut off, serve a dark master, have his legs and perfect arm cut off, receive third-degree burns all over his body, be placed in a mechanical life-support suit, bring fear to everyone for twenty years, then sacrifice himself for his son and the future of the universe. Then he wants to stand between a gnome and a hermit for one last time.
- God of Driving
- As a sixteen-year-old, John O'Reilly gained the power to command any vehicle purely by instinct. This does not work with stopping, however; he is unable to brake properly, and so any boat, plane, train, automobile, or golf ball he makes move will be unable to stop until it hits something that is harder that itself (such as a wall or a line of similar vehicles)
- God of Monkeys
- As a seventeen-year-old, John O'Reilly gained command of monkeys and similar creatures. This was partially as a result of his efforts to obtain this power, and partially due to the expiration of the curse he was under that restricted his powers to those which started with the letter D
