John Stamos
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 ALEXANDER THE GREAT protects this article!Insert a quote somehow related to Greece or 300! ~ Alexander
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“Most Americans would not exist if not for 'The Stamos.'”
~ Oscar Wilde on John Stamos
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[edit] Chemistry
Atomic Weight: 35.8 secret-amu.
Half-Life: Unknown.
Common Uses: Riding motorcycles and banging supermodels.
John Stamos is one of the most influential people in history man, Praise Him
Screw you guys
[edit] Life with the Jenova's Witnesses
In the spring of 1985, John was visited by John Cleese, a Jenova's Witness. Stamos is oft-quoted stating: "It was one of the most important moments of my life... I mean... I have a family now." One month after joining, "The Stamos" slaughtered his entire paternal Greek tribe. He had massive orgies with the Olsen twins, Bob and Dave. He hated having to kiss Becky saying, "I prefer kissing beards and bushes." Oh, and he was caught more than once trying to seduce Comet.
[edit] The Chocolate Rain Controversy
John Stamos claimed that, in early 1983, he actually formulated the Chocolate Rain Cessation Theory completely independent of popular alchemist Tay Zonday. This has been disputed by countless scientists, including the likes of Sir Thomas Shithead and Professor Subtle. To this day, "The Stamos" is unable to provide any evidence.
[edit] Hobbies
- Riding motorcycles
- Snorting amphetamine
- Banging supermodels
- Time Travel
- Alcoholism
- Designing interweb advertisements (See image right)
[edit] Trivia
- John Stamos frequently refers to himself as "The Stamos," but other nicknames include:
- the 300th element
- Uncle Jesse
- John Stamos helped invent gin
- John Stamos was the subject of my first nocturnal emission
- John Stamos was Jesus' Siamese twin, but after a surgery performed by the Angel "Coulier", he settled on Greece as God's second kingdom.
