John Travolta's Hair

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John Travolta without his hair. Not to be confused with that guy from The Shield or Lex Luthor

“It's all natural. Our people don't need drugs to get it to look like that.”

~ Tom Cruise on Scientologist Barbers

John Travolta's hair has for a number of years been discussed at great length by the wests greatest scientific minds, what is it and what is its purpose?

1 A Brief History
2 His Hair = International sex symbol?
3 ...Or Radio Signalling device?
4 Travolta's Hair Vs. Chuck Norris

[edit] A Brief History

John Travolta's hair was created by the American scientist Robert Oppenheimer and Enrico Fermi as the main goal of the Manhattan Project in 1946 to fight the Nazis.

Along with Johnny Cash, it participated in government shadow operations numbering in the hundreds from the years of 1950 to 1959, before it was caught in a massive arms factory explosion that left it quadrapalegic. Desperate to save the mind of the operative, surgeons attempted to amputate it's limbs and attach it to a willing participant, John Travolta, who has housed the hair since.

Highly disregarded is the period during which John Travolta's hair fought against mankind in the intergalactic battles known collectively as Disco. The hair received numerous commendations, and was eventually rewarded the prestigious Gold Star.

Recently released government files also suggest that John Travolta is, as a result of his hair, a retired sleeper cell agent.

[edit] His Hair = International sex symbol?

Many argue that Travolta's hair is a phallic sysmbol, purposly mimicing the male genitalia in its upright and sticky posture. Many believe this to be so as it is pointed out that John Travolta has become a world wide sex symbol in the last 30 years, even thought to many he remains an ugly old man with a chin like a letter box that resembals that guy that your dad used to hang around with who winked at you when you were 13. This is further backed up by the hordes of 'women'that flock to his side, wearing nothingbut shrink wrap and skin tight lycra, this could be in response to his masculing appeal, or simply that they have become trapped in their wight garments and requite a lubricant such as used in Travoltas hair, to free them.

[edit] ...Or Radio Signalling device?

Others, on the other hand, believe that John Travolta's hair is a radio signaling device into outer space much like those used in the SETI project. This would explain the height and width of the structure protruding from John's head. If so, this could be some secret attempt to contact aliens and draw them to Earth. Furthermore, some have argued that this radio equipment could be used to 'lull' the opposite sex into some kind of mating posture, drawing them into an alluring and sexually active state of mind, thus brainwashing members of the female persuasion and making them into his unwitting love slaves.