Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
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Johnny, aka 'Nny, is a very-heh-unusual fellow. He is a bipolar paranoid schiziophrenic with insomnia and erotophobia. Plus his house is haunted, possessed, and touched by every other sort of black magic you can think of. Sounds like fun, huh? HUH?
I didn't think so.
Idiots.
So, what else do you want to know? Ah . . . hobbies? Well, Nny likes to rant and kill people. Usually people who deserve it, like that little SOB who cut in front of me at the DMV yesterday. That bastard!!! Sorry, I'm getting a bit off-topic here . . . shut up, you! I don't care what you think, you little piece of--sorry, sorry. The headvoices were arguing again.
Contents |
[edit] The Headvoices
Johnny has several imaginary 'friends', voices come to life. They are:
[edit] Mr. Eff
The voice of Johnny's mania, Mr. Eff tells him to kill peo . . . no I will not! Shut the Hell up . . . to kill people. He is a Pillsbury Doughboy with the symbol 'Z?' written on his shirt. It means 'Question Sleep'. I never sleep. I have better things to do. What if you wake up, and your whole life was a dream?
[edit] Psycho Doughboy
Mr Eff's counterpart, Psycho Doughboy wants Nny to commit suicide. You're even worse than Mr. Eff is, dammit! I hate you! He has the word 'FUCK' written on him.
[edit] Reverend Meat
A Big Boy that wants Nny to become a hedonist. Very annoying. SHUT UP!!! I will not order Chinese!!.
[edit] Nailbunny
A dead rabbit that acts as Nny's voice of reason. Yes, his voice of reason is a dead rabbit. Pathetic much? Not that I don't appreciate it, I really do. Did I say that part aloud? Whatever . . . I doubt anyone cares.
[edit] Mr. Samsa
A beetle, or perhaps a series of beetles, that live(s) in Nny's house. He believes that it is . . . stop mocking me! . . . mocking him, because it seems to be without emotion while he has painful mood swings...painful...sad, depressing mood swings... I FUCKING HATE THEM!! I HATE THAT LITTLE COCKROACH BITCH!!!!...oh god I am so sorry Mr. Samsa goes SQUISH!!....killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillsquishsquishsquishsquishhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahahhahaha... oh sorry did I say that outloud?
[edit] Other Characters
[edit] Squee and Shmee
Squee is Johnny's next-door-neighbor. He is ten years old, and is very cute-especially when he's scared. I-er, Johnny-likes to tell him bedtime stories. Remember when I summarized The Stand to him that one time? Man, that was great! Also, Johnny goes to Squee for bactine and once a band-aid cause he cut his finger on a skettios can.
Squee has a teddy bear named Shmee. God, I HATE that bear! It's an S.O.B., it really is. Shmee regularly tells Squee to burn his house down. Of course, considering how neglectful Squee's parents are, that's not such a bad idea. But it's not as if Squee listens anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.
His only other friend is the Anti-Christ, and his teacher is Mrs. Bitters. That lady is creepy! What? Oh, yeah-she was my 3rd-grade teacher too, wasn't she? God, she hasn't changed a bit! Sorry, sorry. I should probably stop talking for a moment. No, it's easier to tell it in one go . . . arg.
I hate these moral dilemmas.
[edit] Devi and Tenna
Devi is Nny's ex-girlfriend-she has horrible luck with guys. They only went on one date, actually, but Nny is obsessed with her, so . . . Look, it was the doughboys' idea to kill her, and I didn't manage to do it! Hell, I even apologized! Devi is starting to go crazy as well: she locked herself in her room for a month, and a painting she did tells her to do evil things.
Tenna is Devi's immensely annoying, chipper African-American roommate. (Her name is really Tonja, but no one remembers that.) She has a headvoice too-funny how everyone I know is insane, huh? This one is in an immensely annoying squeaky doll.
[edit] Gir and the Spooky Chihuahua
Gir is a little robot with the mindset of a street crazy. Likes mooses . . . I hate mooses. Why is Gir even in here? I'm not sure. Why are you here? Stop spying on me! Are you in league with the chihuahua?
What, didn't I tell you about that? There's a weird-looking chihuahua that lives down the street from Johnny. He believes it is spying on him . . . What? It's got a f*cking lobotomy scar! One of its eyes is wide open and the other one has a pinprick pupil! It's freaky!
Also, the Spooky Chihuahua is tasty.
[edit] See Also
 Article written in the style of its subjectThis article is funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are an ignorant cultural philistine who does not recognise this without explanation. If you still do not find the article funny, that is probably because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. If you hadn't been so ignorant, then you wouldn't have needed to have the joke explained to you in the first place. |
- GayMan's shit was deleted for being an unappreciative asshole by ME! Anonymousman! I'm not funny! Tell me about it!*
