Jon Almaas

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Here: Jon shows some of the Barfight Method moves
Here: Jon shows some of the Barfight Method moves

Jon Almaas is the creator of The Norwegian Barfighting Method not only that, but he also rules the television in Norway. He said it best himself:

"- I am God of TV in Norway, bow you heads sheep! Or I'll kick your puny ass!"

His TV show "Nytt på nytt" or "Eat shit and die" has the highest TV ratings mostly because the secret Norwegian Gestapo administration forces everyone to watch it. Disobeyers misfortunate enough are often punished by being soaked in sulphuric acid and laughed at while being forced to play Risk with the purple figures.

His evil colleagues are Knut Nærum and Anne-Kat Hærland. Knut Nærum is often seen as a closet nazi because of his inability to laugh at his own jokes. Rumor has it that he is the head of the Norwegian Gestapo (Posten Norge AS), but this is yet to be confirmed.

[edit] The Story of Jon Almaas

Jon Almaas was born on December 48th 1643, the same year the Spanglish calculator invasion hit Larvik. He was quickly taught to fool people into believing that four plus five was in fact seven and a half, knowledge he has found practical use for later in life.

In 1832 he married a moose called Per-Bjarte, but it ended in divorce when he was faced with the fact that Per-Bjarte was in fact a reindeer with good camouflaging skills. Per-Bjarte has never been seen after this incident.

In 1337 he and Einar Førde started Norway's first TV channel, NRK (Norwegian Propaganda Publishing), which Jon later gained supreme deity powers of, when Einar Førde died in a rigged car crash very close to the Norwegian-Pakistani national border.

He currently rents Chritobàl Arseisle's room in the upper left corner of his barn. He dated Arseisle for a while in the late 1980's, but they, as he said, "grew away from each other"..

In 2006 he will make the transition into Hollywood (possible to take over?) in the Woody Allen movie Love Triangle were he plays a guy called The Dude.

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