Joseph Lanty

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Joseph Lanty was born in the small hamlet of Rotherham, in England, sometime in the Middle Ages.

He was knighted at the age of 45 and led an army into numerous battles.

[edit] Merry Men

Joseph of Rotherham had many followers, most noticeably Kurt Radford of Munsbrough, who was his faithful companion through many of his later years.

He also had many other followers, including Carl the Foster, Chris Mannski (the first Russian to set foot in Rotherham) and Lord Michael of the Dysons.

During his lifetime, he developed a friendship with King Mark of Yorkshire, with whom he witnessed the "Great Hague"; a disease which makes the sufferer fall from a fence and break their wrist, whilst believing that they had tripped over a fallen wall.

[edit] Jamie Bellamy

His arch enemy was Jamie Bellamy (who also lived in the small northern hamlet), their various battles and ensuing hatred have been categorized in many limericks over the years, owing to Joseph of Rotherham's nationwide fame.

One such limerick states: '

In Rotherham centre, Jamie asked Joe,
'Where is it, that we must go?'
Joe with a reply to give,
said 'This is where you live
how can you possibly not know!'

This, experts believe, was the beginning of the problems. Jamie and Joseph were allegedly in the centre of Rotherham when Jamie seemingly had no idea where anything was, Joseph (annoyed at Jamie's ignorance) gave him a stern ticking off and not a good word was spoken from that day on.

[edit] Benjamin of Couldwell

Joseph of Rotherham spent much of his life battling with Benjamin of Couldwell, trying to gain the upper hand, the wars with Benjamin were mainly psychological, with Joseph using such statements as:

'Benny.... woman!'

and

'and when Ben gets that feeling....'

as well as making a bizarre noise, which he had been taught by Simon of the Wards.

Benjamin would usually deflect these attacks by playing 'Scarborough Fair' on his flute and by exclaiming

'Immature boys!'

[edit] Death

Joseph of Rotherham was reportedly killed by Blanche of Manchester in the not-so-well known "War of the Chocolate Roses". Historians have uncovered evidence that Joseph was hit in the face with a flying bassoon as he approached Benjamin of Couldwell's castle.

[edit] Research

It has been found that Joseph of Rotherham is distantly related to the Onumagaboomagagumagabumu tribe in the Lagos region of Nigeria. Prince Herbert Onumagaboomagagumagabumu is the likely successor to the Lanty family's business - Lanty's Carpet Munchers.