Jujubes
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“Some food you just won't eat even if it was the last food on earth.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Jujubes
“Jujube, jujube”
~ The Walrus
Jujubes, the ridiculously hard soft candy.™
Contents |
[edit] Manufacture
From start to finish, the production of Jujubes is a wholly interesting enterprise.
[edit] Step 1: Acquisition
Initially, find the necessary materials for making a successful batch of Jujubes.
Some ingredients that work best are...
[edit] Step 2: Processing
The FDA requires all Jujubes to have been, at least at some point, a liquid.
Mix all of the materials together, and begin slowly heating around 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Don't worry about overheating; Jujubes can be resilient to unholy temperatures. This is an excellent time to add any last-minute ingredients. If you're going to add anything, be sure it's quite large, otherwise you run the risk of the object combusting long before it reaches the mix.
[edit] Step 3: Flavoring
Jujubes have several original, patented flavors. Feel privileged to lay eyes on the company secrets.
- Banana™
- Strawberry™
- Lemon™
- Lime™
- Cajun™
- Batman™
[edit] Step 4: Cooling
Once back at its solid state, the only thing hard enough to pierce a Jujube is another Jujube. Or a Tungsten Carbide drill bit, on a good hair day.
After the Jujubes have been flavored and stirred, divide the mixture and allow them to cool. Within seconds, intramolecular forces will begin chemically bonding every fiber of the Jujubes together, achieving a dense, metallic feel.
[edit] Step 5: Enjoy
you can simply take a "Ju", a commonly used shortened version of the "Jujube", for the long ride home and: Simply pop one in, and feel it melt in your mouth. ...melt... I said "melt." ...Melt, damn you.
[edit] Practical Uses
Beyond consumption, Jujubes have many practical uses in the world today.
[edit] Dentistry
Jujubes play a vital role; including, but not limited to:
- Tooth removal/replacement
- Filling substitute
- X-ray guard (if out of lead vests)
[edit] Commitment
A cold, stale Jujube serves as an emblem of undying affection.
The gift of a Jujube can express your feelings. Give a solid message, "Our love is strong, and unbreakable, much like a Jujube."
