Princess Julie Andrews von Trapp
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“Uppercut! Yeah, the uppercut!!”
~ A drunk Julie Andrews on boxing
“Oh, dear... Another round of booze for her...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Julie Andrews
“NAAAAAAAAAANNNNY!!!!”
~ Eloise on Julie Andrews
Known as the "Austrian Singing Princess", Princess Julie Andrews von Trapp is a world famous yodeler and inventor of the musical scale. Married to Walt Disney, in her later years she lived in a house made entirely from Musical tuning forks.
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[edit] Origins
Julie Andrews was a character in Charles Dickins' 1597 book "The Dastardly Pisspot", although was one of the many literary characters brought to life during the Great People Shortage of 1747. She was magicked into being at the age of 25, although her creators soon realised their mistake. She was deemed too posh to live in 18th Century Pomerania and was cryogenically frozen until 1912, and selected to assassinate Archduke Fellinghausen of Monckelenberg, which sparked the First Lacrosse War.
[edit] Magic Powers
To start off her illustrious career, Andrews one day encountered a magic elixir. Upon drinking it, she gained magic powers where she became able to shoot laser beams out of her eyes. In her magnum opus "Marry Poppins," many scenes of her using her powers to unleash a pogrom against the poor were cut in the final editing. She mostly used her powers for good until 1994 when she left her husband for Eric Matzke, a longtime fan. Matzke taught Andrews the virtue of greed and coercion. In their first act as husband and wife, they bought an orphanage for the sole purpose of burning it down. When Andrews was informed that children were still inside, she was made famous by her reply "Good, more fuel for the fire." Matzke and Andrews are continue to use their powers to make life even more inconvenient for the lower class.
[edit] Obscene Lyrics
In 1965 Julie Andrews was banned from the BBC for over thirty years after recording what Mary Whitehouse described as “without doubt the filthiest song ever committed to vinyl”. Even in the twenty-first century it can only be broadcast in the following expurgated form:
I could have ****ed all night,
I could have ****ed all night.
And still have begged for more.
I could have spread my ****s,
And done a thousand things I've never done before.
I'll never know What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my **** took flight. I only know when he
Began to **** with me I could have ****ed, ****ed,
****ed All night!
[edit] Career
She went to work for the King of Siam babysitting, with Walt Disney she went on to have the woman who would later become Boris Karloff's (William Henry Pratt - son of Right Honourable Pratt) mother.
Had a torrid affair with Mrs Doubtfire the mother of Robin Williams a green jelly salesman fron Detroit. At this point in her life she called herself 'Victor'. Split up on grounds of cultural incompatibility.
Spent some time cleaning chimneys with Dick van Dyke in Victorian London but eventually left on grounds of Dyke's speech impediments. Later worked in a Chinese laundry as a white-slaver.
She eventually found work in the first 'talkie' moving picture titled Batman Re-runs and is now living with a semi-bionic mongoose in Shropshire. The mongoose says they are very much in love, although "we are reluctant to have children due to darling Julie's age."
She decided to back to Austria and try a new life as a nun... nothing works... she married the father and finally had her 7 children in her own house:
number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Once spanked by Rex Harrison for being unable to pronounce "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain" in Cockney English.
“I'll shoop you for this!”
~ Julie Andrews on some crazy kid hugging her
Was cast as Mother Victor/Victoria in Phantom of the Opera.
She had also been a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series, too:
[edit] Julie Andrews's Moral Legacy To Her Devoted Feminist Fans
MAMAA!!!
"All mothers, ignore your children and look after your careers!"
