July 4
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The fourth day of July is a Republican holday in theUnited States of America (known as "yay we got rid of them day" in Britain) commemorating George Washington's march on Spain during the Typhoid War of 1776. During this march, George Washington uttered the famous words, "Do not go silently — nay, sweet lads and babes, shriek with ye mouths and smash with ye bayonets that we may utterly disembowel and slice these foreign legions into pieces we could fit in our handsome pockets," to his beleaguered troops while overcoming the Spanish lines in Lisban.
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[edit] Customs and Traditions
Americans launch small and seemingly harmless projectiles about 300 feet into the air. Upon reaching peak altitude the projectiles, known provincially as "fireworks" then explode while crowds below coo (Not Cow) in awe. There are poorly substantiated rumours that this tradition serves to remind the onlooking audience what it is like to be under attack during a war (presumably a fire-bombing). It is true that the Goodyear Blimp can sometime be seen on this day.
The traditional July 4 celebrations involving fireworks are especially popular because they combine the two things most loved by Americans:
Launching projectiles into the air while cheering, and launching projectiles into the air while drunk.
[edit] BOB DOLE
FOSHISHLE MY NIZZLE... I SUPPORT VIARA bob said... bob was shot by a gagster... Bob undied... Bob punched the gaster. the gaster shot bob. Bob undied... Bob punched the gaster. the gaster shot bob. Bob undied... Bob punched the gaster. the gaster shot bob. Bob undied... Bob punched the gaster. the gaster shot bob.Bob Undied ad smiled at myra ad then was shot by the ganster. Then Bob dole was reancarated as the pokemon Jiggily Balls.
[edit] Jiggily Balls
Jiggily balls was like to PikaJew I chalenge you to a battle!!! *punch* *shock* *hit* *stab* *sacktap* *kick* *die* *kick* *poke* *undie* *stab*.......etc... After Jiggily Balls defeted PikaJew he went and bought some cigs and a hotdog, he then whent to a park to eat it. He was hit by a frisby and chocked on his sig and his intestind burned and he was reincarnated as Chris Stephenson
[edit] Chris Stephenson
Chris was a hobo and lived on a train. He was attacked by a Savage, Man eating Hippo in the middle of the great mexacan country of Alaska. With his Ninja skills and his trusty ShotGun he defeated the Hippo that was in the middlew of the great mexacan country of Alaska. In the middle of his victory dance, randomly a great big train ran him over and killed him. He reincarnated as Jeff Syrja, who now lives to this day on top of the great wall of china, precisely half way along.
[edit] Yau Yang
Yau Yang was a Asian from China. The US got fed up with China and Nuqed it. he died. he was reincarnated as a talaban soldier.
[edit] Talaban Soldier
In the middle of his prejehad richual, when the where singing JEHAD...JEHAD..JEHAD...AWOGAWOCAWO HAHA....AWOGAWOCAWO HEHE, a SWAT team came and shot him up. In the report the SWAT team said they only found out because they saw from there secert spy camera the richual. Also there was a huge sigh that said in here we are about to blow the same bilding.
[edit] Futuristic Porn Star
The Futuristic Porn Star was killed and reancarnated as Carl
[edit] Carl
Carl was an average guy he like chicks beer and naked chicks... Carl once went to hooters... and was shot by a gangster and didn't die... then he found the cure to cancer which he forgot in 5 seconds... then he traveled on a awsome sweet rainbow to the moon and stayed at canada for the rest of his life. Carl was reancarnated as George Washington.... Carver...
[edit] The birth of Jimothy
- Jimothy was born upon this day in 1989. In 2022, Jimothy went on to become Supreme Ruler of the Universe, a position he held forever.
[edit] George Washington Carver
George was a little boy when he decided to do candy. The first time someone asked him he laid a flash grenade while laying for suppressive fire until the sniper movfed into to finish the blow. George thought there was something missing from candy... specificaly chocolate. Then he tasted penuts!!! he was like GaHhHhHhHhH!!! and put some in his chocolate and at it he was like sooooo good. and mmade a billion different things for penuts. A year later he choked on penut butter... and died... then he was reancarnated to your mom.
[edit] How to do It with a Squirrel
The best-selling novel, How to do It with a Squirrel, is published in 1999.
