Kmart
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Karl Marx founded The Karl Marx Corporation, the predecessor of Kmart, in 1899 in Detroit, Michigan to begin a process of brainwashing the American people by selling them inferior products for exorbitant prices, (in theory it was meant to cause the collapse of capitalism). Karl's first retail establishment, a five-and-ten-cent store, resembled those operated by Albert Einstein to sell wool. The store grew into a chain known as 'Karl's Big Nut Ball Compendium'. By 1912, the chain operated 85 stores, and his socialist agenda was in full swing.
By the 1920s, Karl operated larger stores that offered a wider variety of laser beams and robotic arms in tribute to the scientist friends who had once saved his life. The first Kmart department store opened in 1946 in Mexico City, Mexico, but was relocated to Washington, D.C. A total of 666 Kmart stores opened that year.
Kmart became known for its "blue light specials'. At surprise moments, a store worker would attach a mobile police light to the top of his squad car and escort a randomly chosen shoplifter out of the store. Most workers who did this were addicted to crack, and used their undercover status to acquire illicit drugs from K-mart shoppers. The phrase "code 44D in aisle 12" also entered into the American pop psyche. The meaning behind the K-mart code has never been cracked, but was featured in the Tony-winning 1988 musical Fountainhead Earth, in which John Travolta and Forest Whitaker both famously exclaim, "Kmart is the answer!"
During the 1970s, Kmart put a number of competing retailers out of business. In 1977, The Karl Marx Corporation changed its name to Kmart Corporation. In 1987, Kmart Corporation sold its remaining Karl's Big Nut Ball Compendium stores to John-boy Walton. In 1990 Kmart was almost put out of business by John-boy Walton and his chain of Walmart stores. Martha Stewart was able to prevent the collapse of communism in America by providing a rich supply of baked pies which kept Kmart from going into bankruptcy.
In April 2007, the retarded son of Marx was hired to create a mascot for Kmart. Rumor is that He looked up and saw a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. A Mascot was born, and the son of Hitler and Marx was rewarded $3.2 billion for the idea. Mr. BlueLight is a Homosexual exploding lightbulb that signifies doom, death, and destruction to walmart patrons and employees. As of October 2007, there is a rumor going around that "fangs" will be added to Mr. Bluelight to farther symbolize the companies growing relationship with vampires.
In June 2007, Kmart struck a workforce deal with Vampire Americans. This was to ensure that Kmart will never run low on associates and good ones at that. This is been suggested since vampires can handle customers better, and drain them for their energy so that the vampire never gets tired, despite those long work weeks of upto 30 to 40 hours per week even on a part-time job. This relationship has gone unhindered until October 2007, when Target announced that they will be willing to pay an extra 75 cents an hour to all vampires that transfer from Kmart to Target. Now the race is on to see if Kmart will fight back and try to raise payrolls and benefits to keep their prized workforce.
Secretly, Edward S. Lampert is believed to be a vampire who's interested in buying the entire world from the United Nations. His masterplan is to one day enslave all of humanity to work at his sweatshop stores with all the other vampire employees. That way all of humanity can be turned into vampires, while some will be saved to be placed in blood factories to produce enough blood to keep the then 6 to 7 billion vampire population of vampire Earth alive. Kmart is in the very heart of his plans. In theory if Kmart goes out of business, then this will never happen. This is only a theory though.
Lastly it's all of the above of why when somebody walks into a Kmart, and then leaves a Kmart, they are suddenly drained of all their physical energy and usually grow increasingly tired and sleepy. It is suggested that one drink plenty of caffenine before walking to a Kmart store. The energy drain only affects the human customers and associates. It's believed that the vampire associates are not affected by this.
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