Kangaroo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The kangaroo, or Animalia Chordata Mammalia Marsupialaia Diprotodontia Macaronia Phalangerida Macropodidae Macropus giganteus for short, is a not a HUGE MOUSE with powerful hind legs, sad little arms, a pocket, boxing gloves, and great sharp teeth.
Contents |
[edit] Distribution
From its native Europe, the 'roo was inadvertently brought to Australia by stowing away on English sea vessels. Then, in a matter of weeks, they permanently displaced Australia's large population of native rabbits and aborigines by punching them silly and/or eating them.
The 'roo soon went on to establish martial law over all of Australia, subjugating the continent to the rule of the despotic Captain Kangaroo and his control of the system of kangaroo courts which ruled the island.
However, recently another theory has emerged. A scientist/physisist nicknamed "Perky" has found evidence that kangaroos arrived on earth by traveling within meteorites (with A/C installed, of course). This theory may also explain the extinction of the dinosaurs.
[edit] Etymology
The word "kangaroo" originated when an English explorer asked a native what the name of that big bouncey mouse was. The reply, "kan-garr-roo'o" means roughly "I do not understand what you are saying, you condescending, imperialistic, venereal-disease-laden, heartless,war-mongering toad."
[edit] Pugilistic Abilities
In the squared circle, the baby 'roo reigns supreme, having started in 1903 to take on and defeat by 1st round KO every single professional heavyweight boxer since, including Cassius Clay, Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, Pizza Pasta, and Mister Sandman.
In the world of Professional Wrestling, only one kangaroo has been known to make some small impact with the former Furry Wrestling Federation. The gimmick of "Sanita'roo" who was 'defender of all things clean' never really found the fan base and was listed as one of the worst gimmicks of all time. Later, the same 'roo would reshape his image as one of the most popular and beloved FWF wrestlers as "The 'Ruk" with his catchy phrase.. "If you smell what the 'Ruk is cookin'!" and move on to make blockbuster hollywood movies.
[edit] Recreation
In their spare time, baby 'roos torment cats for fun. They also enjoy long walks on the beach, but not in New Jersey. NEVER in New Jersey. They also enjoy the guilty pleasures of rock 'em sock 'em robots.
A kangaroo from Newfoundland won the 1995 Olympic Gold medal held on Deep Space Nine for cribbage playing. The proud tradition of years of kangaroos playing cribbage stands to this very day.
Kangaroos also like to work as Santa Clause's reindeers when they are off sick or much more likely, on strike. In this instance, kangaroo's use their flying abilities (see below) to make the job easier.
The also enjoy going to a kangaroo court.
[edit] Flying Kangaroo
Please read the article Qantas
[edit] The Obvious Truth About Kangarooz
The world was shocked on goo'day, mate april 2005 when Steve Irwin and matemate Terri "Crikey" Irwin revealed that the animal known as the Kangaroo is, in fact, a very clever hoax made up by the first colonists and the native aba.. aborr. abirrig.. Native folks of the continent of Austria^h^h^h^h^h^h^hAustralia. Well, what else would you expect from a couple of convicted criminals and bush people ?. After careful examination of this remarkable claim it revealed that all photos and films of this socalled kangaroo are indeed very sophisticated CGI renderings and photoshopped images. Nobody has, in fact, ever seen such a stupid creature. Most attempts at fooling the public in believing in such a freak'o'nature exists have not involved more then surgically modified anteaters ( who also do NOT exist, them being only beaten up dogs ).
Steve Irwin also said: And'on't ge'me stahted on them Walibis.
You can tell a friendly kangaroo by its ever lasting supply of oreos that they regularly feed to foxes. They will also make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk for guests. They have a knack for making many snack foods.
NOTE: One should never trust a kangaroo. It must be up to something bad because it keeps grinning all the time.
[edit] Pouch
The pouch developed through evolution to store men in search of narcotics. The cunning man, knowing of the kangaroos fondness for such substances, would hide within the pouch and spring out to intercept the kangaroos fix at the last possible moment. This would explain why the Indonesia government is going bankrupt from locking up innocent people on drug trafficking charges by using 'roos from Down Under in their airports.
[edit] Killeroo (Killer Kangaroo)
The Killer Kangaroo (death-bringus maximus verybig-teethus) lives in sewers and generally hunts ninja turtles, it has a distinctive ability to climb walls and eat over 60 times its body mass in under 2 minutes makes it more dangerous than the duck. The Killer Kangaroo has been thought to live on another planet but comes to Earth yearly (by jumping from moon to moon), to eat its yearly intake, it will eat vampires, humans, ducks, zombies and kittens. Those who generally try to find more out about it usually end up dead. Most scientists think it has such good hearing it can hear you from over 3000 light-years away.
Army intelligence thinks that the Killer Kangaroo stopped WW2 by eating Hitler and caught him in Castle Wolfenstein. It is also believed that The Wombles created killer kangaroos to tick people off, which has been recently proven, because your mother was just eaten.
This was not the last of the Killer Kangaroo. Killer Kangaroo won the downunder boxing championship, which was held against other kangaroos and other Australian mascots such as the emu, the wallaby, the platypuss, the crocodile, the stingray and Steve Irwin. The semifinals saw the Killer Kangaroo smashing the crocodile while the stingray killed Steve Irwin as he decided to make a documentary at that moment rather than fight. The stingray was disqualified from the tournament for using its tail as a weapon which automatically resulted in the Killer Kangaroo being declared the winner. Confident and determined, the Killer Kangaroo challenged the boxing legend Muhammed Ali into a duel and forced him into retirement after knocking out Ali in just 2 rounds. Critics argue that the Kangaroo had a home turf advantage, as the match was held downunder in scorching heat and in the middle of nowhere, with a dingo as the referee. Ali, deeply disappointed with his loss, staged his final match. This huge win for the Australian icon, soon became a legendary story and is told by the native Australians at their midnight gatherings.
Do not confuse Killer Kangaroos with Killer Swans. Killer Kangaroos can be so easily be thwarted by Giant Clams at the bottom of the lake. Killer Kangaroos are also a lot more stupid than Killer Swans. They can't tell the difference between a human and a rhino. They love hippies, so if you are a hippie, don't go looking for a Killer Kangaroo. They also have a special atrraction to math teachers, they like how they say their numbers...It's a wonderful sight to see a math teacher getting eaten by a Killer Kangaroo...Especially if it is your math teacher.
Also, don't run around like a retart.
=== A reminde
Always be aware of the Killer Kangaroo as it travels in packs and eats lots and lots. Always use caution and prey to god and robot Jesus everyday that the Killer Kangaroo will not come down today and kill you. Killer Kangaroo may also be known as the Ciellijer Cunkranoo. If you call it by it's alternate name, it will always run away, and devour it's family and its friends then it will come back and devour you.
The Kangaroo Frog (Ganlaus erabolis)
is the only bipedal amphibian and the
only tree frog with a tail.
Males are an average of 4.8cm tall while
females are 7.1cm tall, on average.
They inhabit plots of farmland from Shepparton, Bendigo to Mildura, Albury to Wodonga, Bundoora.
[edit] Evolution
The Kangaroo Frog evolved from the Red-eyed Tree Frog Agalychnis callidryas as recently as ten years ago.
[edit] Tail
G. erabolis has prospered despite and because of deforestation. When members of this species left the trees, they had to adapt to life in the open. Today, Kangaroo Frogs have tails up to 3.2cm long. The tail is an important defense against dogs, cats, pigs, birds and other predators. When threatened, the frog lifts up its tail to reveal its bright red cloaca. This is known as startle coloration. [1] All other anurans lose their tails during metamorphosis. This is because of thyroid hormone receptors that initiate apoptosis, or cell death. A mutation arose in G. erabolis that reversed the process, causing adults to have even longer tails than tadpoles. This is an example of paedomorphosis, the preservation of immature characteristics.
[edit] Locomotion
Having a tail makes it easier for frogs to adopt an upright gait. Kangaroo Frogs take advantage of this ability for a few good reasons. They are small animals, so they dehydrate quickly during droughts. They stand, but most frogs can only sit. The forelimbs have changed function as well. Like the T. Rex, G. erabolis uses them to attract mates.
[edit] Origins
Of course, every scientist with any sense knows that Evolution is a myth. According to the origins model used by creation scientists, modern kangaroos, like all modern animals, originated in the Middle East and are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood. It has not yet been determined by baraminologists whether kangaroos form a holobaramin with the wallaby, tree kangaroo, wallaroo, pademelon and quokka, or if all these species are in fact apobaraminic or polybaraminic.
Also according to creation science, after the Flood, kangaroos bred from the Ark passengers migrated to Australia. There is debate whether this migration happened over land -- as Australia was still for a time connected to the Middle East before the supercontinent of Pangaea broke apart -- or if they rafted on mats of vegetation torn up by the receding flood waters.
Naturally, God vapourised all the kangaroo carcasses which died during this migration in order to avoid tainting the fossil record with actual evidence (see missing link).
[edit] Diet
Farmers higly value these tree frogs for their eating habits. Kangaroo Frogs eat such pests as crickets and moths.
In the winters when the food gets scarce the kangaroos travel to NZ and eat all their Kiwi Birds because naturally australia shits on NZ
[edit] Reproduction
The mating habits of G. erabolis are similar to those of A. callidryas, with one exception. After mating, male kangaroo frogs ingest the fertilized eggs. A prostaglandin jelly protects the eggs from stomach acids. The young froglets emerge from their father's mouth. Although strange, another species practiced this custom; the Gastric Brooding frog (Rheobatrachus silus). Mmm... Gastric jelly! [2]
NOTE: The Kangaroo Courthouse is a place to go if you would like to report a kangaroos for misbehaving.
[edit] Conservation
While countless other species in Central America are disappearing, G. erabolis enjoys a symbiotic relationship with humans. Humans don't have to buy pesticides, and the frogs get free food. The gravest threat to the species is the Environmentalist (Homo sapiens ambienta). If the process of deforestation reverses, the Kangaroo Frog will lose its habitat. It also has to compete with invasive populations of kangaroo rats for the same niche.
NOTE: The Kangaroo Courthouse is a place to go if you would like to report a kangaroos for misbehaving.
[edit] Notes
- ↑ http://nashvillezoo.org/redeye.htm
- ↑ Stebbins, Robert C. and Nathan W. Cohen. A Natural History of Amphibians. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1995.
[edit] See Also
