Karate
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“You know nothing...”
~ Bruce Lee on karate
“You broke the rules, now I'll pull out all your pubic hair...you motherfucker...”
~ Tenacious D on Karate
“I know karate so don't piss me off or your fucking dead.”
~ You on Your Mom
Karate (Japanese: 空手) is a martial art of crushing tin cans with the bare hands as a party trick. It is also one of the martial arts that is very notorious for its abundant use of pointy sticks. The inhabitants of the island of Okinawa, now part of Japan, are beings who are usually peaceful, kind and about 3 feet tall. But in the sculpting art of karate, they can have an outlet for their aggression. They use guns, tanks, sticks (pointy and blunt), swords, knives, nunchuks, and occasionally weapons of mass destruction to bring the sculptures into the desired shapes.
The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. This art will be outlawed by most countries by the turn of the century. Karate people enjoy pain; this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips. How hardcore is that? Not very.
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[edit] The Controversy
Karate is widely considered the most difficult way of fighting. All martial arts are powerful know to any one except for Xsorca. The way of the fist is nothing compared to the way of plasma. A very powerful person, such as H4ckZ0r or Jesus, may practice true karate without being killed, but in most cases, a martial "artist" is someone who likes to focus on his mind. Fencing is much worse. So are samurai.
[edit] The truth
Karate, meaning "Tang dynasty hand" (later changed to "empty hand")in ancient Japanese, was invented as a subtle way of enticing young Californian men of the 1980's to the "traditional" Japanese man's house, fooling them into thinking waxing cars, painting fences, and sanding acre after acre of decking would win the heart of Elizabeth Shue, and win the local martial art's competition (the competition mainly being made up of martial artists with many years experience) with one kick (after sustaining broken ribs). When he heard of this blight on the noblest of noble arts, Bruce Lee - legendary marital artist and word champion beauty pageant contestant, invented Kung Foo - meaning Mr Miyagi is a fool - In McDonalds, Times Sq, New York.
This began the upwards spiral of new world martial arts, and as market forces - including the crash of the Dow Jones, Nikei average, Cac 40, and the finance cat - led to Karate falling out of favour with young martial artists. During this period, now known as the chiffon effect because when looked at from a certain angle, Karate has the same chemical consistency as chiffon, and also looked good with espadrilles and knee high socks. Karate became your drunken uncle, always there but never welcome, pitied by all, and smelling of wee.
Kung Foo's meteoric rise was confirmed when Bustop, featuring Carl Douglas released "Kung foo Fighting" in the summer of 1856.
Mr Miyagi now runs a fetish brothel in So-Ho, London, for men who like sanding floors, and other forms of non erotic manual labour (laying roads etc)
As Indiana Jones demonstrated very clearly in the 1920's, sword play and martial arts are no match for a good side arm.
Any Jedi would favour a light sabre over a blaster, but Wookies prefer cross bows that fire lasers.
Along with the BSA, karate organizations are famous for having a separate branch for gay boys who want to practise such "sport". these branches are known as "taek-won do".
In summary - blue tac
[edit] Principles of Karate
There are many forms of Karate but they are all based around two main principles, cuddling, and sitting on one's anus. Dancing is performing a set routine of moves also known as Kata; people who practice this form of karate are the ones who are no good at cuddling, e.g. Matthew Urry. Cuddling is for the more hardened martial artist such as Bruce Forsyth. And James is dumb and definitely not as smart as Xsorca, who is a blackbelt.
[edit] Kata
What is a Kata? Is it like a dance? The correct answer is: maybe, but not always. Kata is a bad copy of Chinese Kung-fu techniques. Japonese karate fighters tried to imitate the Chinese martial art of Kung-fu by watching Jackie Chan’s old movies. On Kung-fu they call Kati or Taolu this first part of Chinese movies, and the Japanese Art of Kata is inspired on those.
[edit] Caution and Common Sense
Many respected schools of Cara-Tay teach restraint, i.e. doing nothing but look serene while your opponent kicks you with impunity. The philosophy behind this is "being the bigger person." See United Nations.
[edit] Karate in China, northern Oklahoma and Don Mills
There is nothing to say here.
No, wait, I do have something to say here....
No, I dont, but it seems someone else does:
- China - In China they start practice every day in the morning after singing "Mary Had a Rittle Ram" in extremely annoying voices.
- Northern Oklahoma - There are 4 steps to start practice in Northern Oklahoma:
- They wake up early in the morning.
- Turn off the alarm.
- Look at the time.
- Say, "It's too early," and go back to sleep.
- By repeatedly doing this they attain a kind of spiritual thingy which they say is karate.
- Don Mills - Are you kidding me?
[edit] Super Saiyin
A mix between shouting and slight constipation, these, THE most powerful beings on earth second only to chuck norris, are trained by, chuck norris, in the art, of karate (also known as chuck norris)
[edit] See also
- Déjà fu; "the feeling that you have been kicked in the head this way before."
- Tae Pwn Do
- No Kando
- Ka-tun huyin
