Karl Stefanovic
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Karl Stefanovic, also know to some as K-Stef, is an Australian television robot who co-hosts the Nine Network's breakfast programme, Today.
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There is some debate if Stefanovic(model KS-6928 BETA) is actually a cyborg (part man, part machine) or a android (entire robot). Evidence suggest the latter as Stefanovic’s emotional simulation programming lacks sincerity and has clearly been written by a cheap third party software company.
It was made in Queensland University of Technology by James Packer in 1994, as a part of some kooky Scientology experiment, and was designed to patronise and be-little, while maintaining a smug look. In 1996 he took up a position with TVNZ as a reporter for One Network News, where he was plugged into Helen Clarke, which was noted as one of the first times a machine has been directly connected to a pack animal (Hideosness Errectus) on prime time television on that New Zealand channel. In 1998 Stefanovic returned to Australia for an oil change, and landed a job reporting and reading binary for Ten News in Brisbane.
In 2000, after an initial stint at Channel Nine as a photo-copier, reporter and back-up weather machine with National Nine News, he received a Queensland Media Award for Best News Coverage for his report on the Childers backpacker hostel fire. Stefanovic's emotionless reports on the NSW bushfires from Sussex Inlet in January 2002 led to his appointment to Nine's Sydney newsroom. Rumours emerged then about his ability to cover news stories whilst immersed in flames.
He was involved in Nine’s creation of the Canberra bushfires, where he burinated 400 homes using his adjustable flamethrower. In 2003, he was posted to Los Angeles as one of the Nine Network’s US correspondent droids. During this time he also worked for CNN for over 13 minutes, after which he malfunctioned and over heated, and was re-booted as the Stefa-robot you all know and love today on, funnily enough, Today, with the human/alien hybrid cyborg Jessica Rowe. Rowe has since been removed from the public eye after her back-up battery spontaneously caught fire and forced her down a set of stairs.
[edit] DOES NOT COMPUTE
In 2006 Stefanovic participated in the Channel 9 reality-tv show Torvill and Dean’s Dancing on Ice. The show, which involves 'celebrities' dancing on the drug Methamphetamine, showed off Stefa-Robot's additional core utilities. He eventually made it to the Grand Final of the show but was beaten by Jake Wall on a viewer SMS and phone poll. Stefanovic was regarded by Christopher Dean as a natural ice-dancer who potentially could have turned professional had he been able to avoid inevitable rust issues in his support structure. His participation in the show will be remembered for his audacious costume selection, chemistry with ice-dancer Linda Aubrecht and convincing performance of the “Bolérobot” in the shows finale. There were rumours abounding after the show that Karl was indeed a robot, and would have been therefore disqualified as a consequence. The Stefanovic 500 has since gone into hiding.
Apparently if look into his eyes for long enough, his robotic powers will reveal to you the mysteries of God and all of the world’s mysteries (UFO’s, Ernie Sigley’s amazing laugh, the reason for Jessica Rowe looking like an alien, etc…). Apparently his amazingly perfect hair is the only type known to man that Superman is unable to burn due to the use of his heat vision. He was recently involved in an unsuccessful court battle to be considered “a real boy” (The People of N.S.W. Vs Cyberdyne Industries).
His inability to convey or sustain a sense of humour is another indication that he is not human.
[edit] Stefanovic5000 versus G-Greer20x6
After the G-Greer20x6 malfunctioned and gave a negative appraisal output for Steve Irwin, the Stefanovic5000 was set to "flame" mode by the producers of the Today show. This yet untested mode exposed the fallacy flaw common in many of the Newsreader Robots produced, commonly known as "all style and no substance".
[edit] Did you know?
- Stefanovic5000 is connected by USB cable to Cassandra2000, and they have produced three AI programs together know as 110001010, 10010101 and, of course, who could forget little 10001010110.
- Jessica Rowe's "pregnancy" was a Packer/Cruise-backed experiment. It was aimed at creating a suitable source of stem cells that could be used as the basis for a more life-like exoskeleton for the Stefanovic5000. Rowe was terminated when the experiment failed to produce the requisite levels of orange colouring.
- Karl's favourite snack foods include motor oil, old mufflers and high-grade, anodized aluminium bolts.
- Did you know Karl is actually a Government/PBL Broadcasting-backed T-1000 from the future year of 2097 who has been sent back in time to destroy entertainment. They edit out the robotic, machine-like sounds on Channel Nine's Today show in a futile effort to mislead the public.
- Karl's favourite TV quote? 'EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE' or 'DANGER, SARAH O'HARE, DANGER!' This second quote is usually accompanied by a wild flailing of his titanium-alloy arms.
- Karl's brother Peter Stefanovic is later revision of the Stefanovic5000 hardware.(Virus free)
- Karl was made in the same factory as Vicki from the 1980's sitcom "Small Wonder".
- Karl has been linked with the notorious US Robot, The Governator!
- Triple M's Get This entirely support the campaign to reveal the truth about Karl Stefanovic being a robot. You may hear them mention it Weekdays across the Triple M network also know as Australia's most pathetic radio station.
- Under Cole's Law of Robotics, Karl Stefanovic supplies the shredded cabbage.
[edit] Caught On Camera: Proof that Karl is a robot
All it took were some minor slip-ups: under-applied make-up, launching into attack mode and transforming from a car. Which he can do.
