Shish Kebab
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“Shish-kebab!”
~ Vlad 'The Impaler'
Shish-kebab, less formerly known as 'kebab' or 'human', is believed to be a delicacy composed of chunks of meat and vegetables skewered on a stick or metal spit. Ideally these chunks are grilled to perfection, resulting in a savory repast wafting it's aroma into the heavens. Normally the chunks are either undercooked or overcooked, but you being the idiot who had to show up for the family gathering are still expected to eat it, smile, and compliment the 'chef extraordinare' who botched the job. Never mind the teardrops showing just how defeated Mr. Chef really feels inside, you are still expected to politic your way into this person's heart while holding back a kaleidoscope of innermost feelings and misfortitudes while you're offered a big plate of his or her potato salad.
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[edit] History
Shish-kebab was invented in Norway as a way of conveniently cooking the various foods found in the region. Typical ingredients were mammoth, possum, and the occasional missionary. However, up until 1768 when Professor William Roger was almost killed by a starving band of Norwegian bachelor farmers it was never known just how long the Norwegians had been consuming shish-kebab. According to ancient legends recounted by befriending these farmers with the offering of his left arm, shish-kebab is actually an ancient totem representing a prophecy that one day the dwellers of ancient Norway would sail upon the great ocean of stars far above them. The Professor was understandably dumbfounded, mainly because that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. He was prompty led away to later be found dead of starvation and missing both arms in 1769. Kebab came from Sweden at the early life of Pastafarian (www.venganza.org).
[edit] Interesting Facts
Shish-Kebab has a long list of uses ranging from artillery to zither picks. It is our sincerest hope that this section be expanded to enfold the entire universe in a meaty embrace of facts and utter swill regarding this king of foods. The act of indulging in a kebab, is referred to as Kebabbery.
[edit] Acceptable Chunks For Use As Shish-Kebab
- Meat. Any kind, so long as it's meat.
- Vegetables. Any kind, including bell peppers.
- Admins who place NRV stickers on otherwise good or next-to-good articles.
[edit] Acceptable Skewers For Use In Shish-Kebab
- metal rods, normally steel or aluminum
- chopsticks or sharpened sticks like those used for marshmallows and hotdogs
- Epees, sabres, switchblades or even cutlasses
There are stories of Norwegian cannibals making use of the sharpened ribs of their victims as skewers, but since every researcher who's bothered to study these mongrels has likely been made into shish-kebab these stories have yet to be substantiated.
