Kenny Kuhn Klan (political party)

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This article is about one of the Kenny Kuhn Klan's. If it's the other one you want, see Kenny Kuhn Klan (South Park). For other uses of the acronym, see KKK (disambiguation).

“Hy Hero”

~ Racist White Boy on KKK

“I wish I was down in Dixie hell no, to get some nigger and kick ass and in the slammmer.”

~ Oscar Wilde on KKK

“I know Im Black but that doesn't keep me from fucking little racist white boys”

~ Michael Jackoson on White Boys

The Kenny Kuhn Klan, the KKK, has been the dominant political force in the Southeastern United States from the end of the Civil War, also known as the "Late Unpleasantness" and the War of Southern Reaction, until the present. Beginning in the 1960s, it began to expand nationwide. In 1980, it was largely responsible for electing Ronald Reagan President of the United States, followed by his Vice President, George H. W. Bush. While Bill Clinton, who defeated Bush in 1992, was not a member, he was certainly influenced by the KKK (Clinton is, however, a member of the Bony Skull Society: see below). Clinton was succeeded by another prominent KKK member in 2000: George W. Bush, the alleged son of George H. W. Bush, who came to power in a coo orchestrated by the KKK-dominated United States Supreme Court, led by the late Chief Justice William Rehnquist and Associate Justice and Bush family toadie Clarence Thomas.

[edit] History

The founding of the Kenny Kuhn Klan is lost in the mists of history, but it is thought to have been connected with another secret organization, called the "brickmasons." Indeed, a similarly-named organization, the Enslaved and Rejected Brickmasons was formed in Montana when a group of especially nasty and stupid white guys were expelled from the KKK. It should be noted that while the Kenny Kuhn Klan is often confused with another organization, the Ku Klux Klan, they are separate organizations, the latter having been a front for the former. In this article, unless otherwise specified, "KKK" will refer to the Kenny Kuhn Klan.

In any event, the first documented evidence for the existence of the KKK is dated shortly after the War of Southern Reaction, when the KKK was formed by so-called "good ole boys," rich white males, usually plantation owners, but also ministers, doctors, lawyers, and the occasional Indian chief (see casino gaming) who banded together to protect their tattered interests against the newly-freed slaves, Federal Troops, carpet-baggers, and "them goddamn Yankee liberals" in general.

The organization was named for Kenny Kuhn, a Union army soldier from Montana who joined the Confederate Army after being separated from his unit. It seems he had failed to take a left at Albakirkee, a little-known settlement in Louisiana and the ancestral home of wascally wabbit Bugs Morgan, who was a gang rival of Almer "Scarface" Frappachino in Chicago during Prohibition. When Kuhn was captured by a unit of the South Carolina militia, he was reportedly convinced by his captors of the need to fight the Union in order to defend Southern "rats." Indeed, white Southerners often spoke of defending their "rats," leaving Northerners to wonder what was so damn special about a bunch of rodents, especially since the South was overrun with them. Kuhn was killed by friendly fire at the Second Battle of Running Bullshit in the same incident that took the life of beloved Southern General Stonehenge Jackson, a direct ancestor of 20th century African-American civil rats leader Jeremiah "Jerry" Jackson, by the elder Jackson's favorite house slave, Martha Stewart Jackson, who was the younger Jackson's great-great-grandmother. Besides having the KKK named in his honor, Kuhn is best known as a distant relative of former baseball commissioner Bowie "The Knife" Kuhn. The younger Kuhn, however, denies all connection with, or even knowledge of, his ancestor. Said he, "What do I look like to you? One of them goddamn rednecks?"

One of its first actions, after the obligatory celebratory raping and lynching of former slaves and sharecroppers, was to form the Klu Klux Klan as a wholly-owned subsidiary, otherwise known as "front group," whose members primarily consisted, not of "good ole boys," but of "rednecks." However, leadership was confined to the good ole boys, who used the Klu Klux Klan to pursue its strategy of politically motivated raping, lynching, and outright tax evasion.

Skipping ahead over a century, when the Civil Rats movement emerged in the United States after World War II, the KKK merged with its Northern counterpart, the Bony Skull Society; however, both organizations kept their previous names. Thus united, the newly reorganized KKK proceeded to rid itself of the now-discredited Klu Klux Klan, which then rapidly dissolved into a infinite number of rival factions (See Redneck Political Organizations), one of which became the Ku Klux Klan, a little-known rock group. The BS/KKK then proceeded to take over the Republican Party, which it began to dominate in the early 1960's, first under BS Society member Bear E. Pisswater and later, Richard Millhouse Nixon with help from longtime KKK member Senator Strom Thurmond, a good ole boy from South Carolina, who was among the first of the good ole boys to switch from the Democratic to the Republican Party. (See Southern Strategy.) After the merger, BS Society members and their closest associates assumed a leading role in the KKK, much as the KKK became the Central Committee of the Republican Party. However, it should be noted that BS Society insiders play a similar role in the Democratic Party. For example, Jack Daniels Kennedy, the 2004 Democratic candidate for President, is a known BS'er, as are virtually all nationally prominent politicians of both parties.