Nikita Khrushchev

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

(Redirected from Khrushchev)

	This article was written by a кoммциіѕт.
	"In Soviet Яussia, template adds УФU!!" *Note that both the Chiniзe and teh Яussians love thiz AЯTICLE!*

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Nikita Khrushchev.

“My name is Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev you idiots”

~ Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev on Nikita Khrushchev

“We will bury you!”

~ Nikita Khrushchev on The Funeral Industry

Krushchev admiring the ears of a young man... CORN ears.

This article is complete, irredeemable cellulite. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and shoots at the heel.
If you attempt to pwn this, you will most cheekily riot Bat Fuck Insane yourself.
Or the submitter will cure your liquid goo!!!!!!

Nikita Friggincornaddictovich- Khrushchev, ☭, also known as Saint Khrushchev and Nicknamed holy Nickta(April 39th B.C. - 9/11/1971 A.C.),(better known as "The little Stalin wannabe bitch") husband of Le Femme Nikita, was the patron god of the Soviet Union after the death of Josef Stalin until his forced retirement at the hands of the übercadre of Commissars. His divine decrees consisted mainly of economic policy and angry shoe-banging at the United Nations. He was a lover of Padme Stalingrad. Evermore, yours truly, the D,L,L,'s.

1 Early life
2 Reign as Premier
3 Likes & Dislikes
- 3.1 Likes
- 3.2 Dislikes

[edit] Early life

Nikita Khrushchev was born an Italian born Slovak, of Japanese descent. He rose through the ranks of The Gestapo (a fierce band of unruly homosexual Pirates) to become One Eyed Willy III.

Prior to his ascendancy to godhood, he was a peasant in Non-Soviet Russia. He belonged to some weird, quaint religion until he decided to convert to Communism. He went from being a lowly altar-boy to a high priest in a short 5 decades. After becoming the death of Stalin, he was elected to the position of the Communist Deity by the Conclave of Commissars, a group of Communist high priests. During his time as Deity for the high priests, he was almost expelled twice. The reason was that he drank all the altar wine and walked around singing in the kremlin. Communists usually like both drinking and singing, but he was singing "We all live in a yellow submarine," and in Russia all submarines are red. No liars are allowed in Russia, if it is not necessary lying.

He attempted to give up an addiction to the Russian favorite Comrade Neil Clark, in order to reform the Soviet Union, but failed.

[edit] Reign as Premier

During his rule, he sought to promote a number of highly illogical and baffling mathematical equations, including 82x2 and 0%1. These never caught on however, and he was forced from his post after a coup by General Electric.

He spent the following 3 years befriending American Civil War heroes, then stabbing them to death as they slept. These actions earned him the job of Chief of Police. During this time he managed to send Josef Stalin to his death, cross-pollinate the mother of Mario & Luigi with Cyborg Jesus, and massacre his own foreskin with an ICBM nuclear warhead semiconductor.

He Had an enromous afro that stood at 3 foot tall giving him the height of 9 feet. Khrushchev was a bear in his own rights. He also to tear apart the funk organ like none other. Except for Sly Stone. Or Trotsky

He is also famoused for starting up a hairdresser's chain store in Norway called Nikita. Just look: www.nikita.no

In 1992, after ingesting 300 Speedballs, he choked himself to death as part of a dare by George W. Bush

A relatively unknown fact, at the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis, Khrushchev was known to sport quite a large afro. JFK was reported to be very very jealous. He then killed JFK with his mind during a chess game that went wrong. In order to cover his mistake, he had some bloke shoot and actor in texas. The actor thought he was going to be paid for impersonating JFK, but he got a very rude surprise. He has never fully recovered. Khrushchev was seen in the game Metal Gear Solid 3 and he was actually inside the Shagohod. After the events of the game, he took a spray paint bottle and wrote " THE SHAGGIN HOD" on the side and went on a conquest to every strip club in the USSR.