Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The killer africanized giant fighting desert lobster (Scorpious pinchius) is a foul and loathsome creature that tastes great with beer and melted butter. This conjecture is totally hypothetical, of course, since nobody has ever managed to capture a killer africanized giant fighting desert lobster, much less cook one.
Contents |
[edit] Origination of the Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
Non-killer non-africanized normal-sized peaceloving underwater lobsters were taken away from their native radioactive waters of the Sea of Japan in the early 1950's and brought to Africa in a desperate attempt to take over the bulk of the continent from the vicious machete-wielding Tutsi warriors. However, the local natives became friendly with the scorpion-like creatures, inbreeded them for pure evilness, and taught them to pinch the "white man" instead.
[edit] The Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster Stalks its Prey
The lobsters are very fast, moving at speeds up to 35 miles per hour (56.32704 kph). One of their primary tactics involves lying still in tall grass until tourists on safari inadvertently go near. The lobster then latches upside down from the bottom of the vehicle and punctures the fuel tank with its poisonous stinger, injecting a delicious sugary venom that stalls the vehicle. Having rendered the safari helpless, it attacks the people inside and devours them whole.
[edit] How to Avoid the Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
Fortunately, if the tourists are near a tree, they can climb it to relative safety, since the killer africanized giant etc etc cannot climb trees with its large claws and stubby legs. Unfortunately, since the killer africanized you-know-what has recently been declared an endangered species, it is highly illegal for non-native tourists to harm it in any way. Also, there are no trees in the African desert, so why did I even bother to mention it?
[edit] How to Prepare the Killer Africanized Giant Fighting Desert Lobster
A famous explorer once said that you-now-whats were easy to catch and prepare for food. Currently, there is no known method of capturing one but just in case we have included a copy of the explorer's recipe:
- 35 tonns of Killere Africanized Giante Fighting Deserte Lobstere
- 1 turkey egge
- Stir lobstere untile nicely browned.
- Cooke lobstere over an opene bonfire, preferably made of burninge lobsteres.
- Place egge on top.
- Eat.
| This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it.
Zaney work about the loathsome creature that tastes great with beer and melted butter. |
